For the love of fucking God,

I’m never getting married again.
(Or getting divorced faster so you can be my second baby daddy??? What???)

This isn’t a cry for help or a “healing era.” I’m just... so not fucking interested. Like this is not a fucking drill—the entire pitch is garbage. I’ve done the marriage thing. And honestly, zero out of ten.

And now? Every other dude who so much as breathes near me is trying to position himself as the next husband, next stepdad, next epic fucking love story.
Can you fucking relax?

Like—are y’all okay???

You’re talking about being a husband and a father, but you’re thirty-something with no health insurance, eight fucking roommates, and a gaming chair in your living room. You’re texting me like I’m supposed to be impressed that you “don’t party anymore” while still using your ex’s mailing address because you “haven’t figured out the post office yet.”

I’m raising a whole-ass human, handling everything solo, and still looking hotter than you do after eight hours of sleep and zero responsibilities.
Be so fucking serious.

And you’re out here trying to what—protect? Provide? Lead?
You can’t even lead a group text, my dude.

The wildest part? You genuinely think I’m gonna look at my current life and go,
“Yeah, what this situation really needs is a half-functioning man-child who thinks he’s deep because he journaled once.”

Stop applying for a job you’re not qualified for.