➺ prelude:

originally from jersey. childhood? absolute garbage. mentally blocked out. thriving anyway.

studied government at UT austin (got intro’d to chopped & screwed elitism—never fully recovered), studied abroad in ireland for half a year and almost never left. (love y’all) decided an office job would give her existential dread.

instead: backpacked half the world with like three dollars and actual vibram five fingers. (not a plug / an exhibit) did the entire fiji/new zealand backpacker/couchsurfing thing—amongst other mistakes.

moved to new york city. started off sharing a futon with some irish bitches (the best bitches <3) in a one-bedroom apartment in hell’s kitchen. ended up living in madonna’s house in the upper west side; as a live-in nanny — working for her creative director. (reread it cuz i said what i just said / also fucking loved this boss.) casually worked and traveled on the mdma tour (exhibit b) via the middle east and europe while navigating a 2.5 year old before the iPhone. (i loved this shit) ended up in abu dhabi without diapers; got yelled at by a victoria’s secret model for being too unhurried with a toddler. (wildly strange experience)

came back to nj. took her first yoga teacher training. (weird vibes to be honest, but we proceed.) moved to australia; lived in sydney for a few months. (regretfully) met the local boys. immediate 0/10. absolutely not her finest romantic chapter.

➺ karma era:

returned to nj. built her first business out of a delusion and a dream — bodhi yoga academy / bodhi movement. what started as a yoga studio in a tiny room in the back of a building, turned into an industry-wide-known training academy spanning over 30 global retreats and trainings across asia, europe, and central america. think: thailand, nicaragua, morocco, italy — and everywhere in between.​

in 2016; she landed in boulder, colorado, where she co-launched a donation-based yoga studio with her best friend, irene pappas; creating a sliding-scale tuition model years before “inclusive pricing” became a trend.​

by 2018, she got bored of the wellness industry and built something totally different — rocky mountain clean & green / bodhi cleaning co. (exhibit c) this endevour was mostly at first an act to subsidize dumping a long term boyfriend but turned into a successful eco-friendly cleaning company where the minimum wage is $25/hr and the motto is: make the world a little less shitty. because shit; if you're gonna mop floors, you might as well burn capitalism and dump your boyfriend while you’re at it.​

➺ current era:

she got married (redacted for plot relevance), defrauded (expected), + nearly homicided (classic) by a combat vet with a (documented) substance habit and a fucking god complex (plot twist!) while pregnant / had a baby (on purpose) —now sam’s currently based (again) in boulder with her toddler and her dog. (<3)

✦ (demonic side plot) her legal husband is presently playing house + “replacement daddy” with a fraudulent second family in texas after abandoning his newborn for over a year (god bless the audacity of men) — while living off federal benefits tied to her and her child’s socials, refusing to pay any court-mandated support, and still pretending he’s the victim. (aka: olympic tier gaslighting)

✦ like, can you believe this shit?

honestly, this bitch has survived epic levels of fuckery and savage betrayal. she’s thinking, this shit will make her more fucking hilarious in her next era. she’s finishing her J.D. at syracuse law with a focus on using that degree to protect people who get lost and overlooked in broken systems.

basically—living my wildest dream, after crawling through every fucking plot twist the universe could throw.