babe, you are not a single mom.

girl.
no disrespect,
but—

there’s
🙏😌🕊️
“single mom.”

and
then there’s
single mom™—
🪖💥🥊
the federally protected,
god-tier edition
you earn through betrayal,
felony charges,
real abandonment,
and maybe,
a man vanishing
into fucking texas
like a broke cowboy
with multiple untreated addictions.

girl.
be less delusional.

i am the second one.

…
let’s run through ✨ the basics. ✨

💖 rule 1: if another adult can tag in…girl! you’re co-parenting.
you got wednesday pickup
and you think we’re the same?
i can’t even pee
without a toddler kicking the door
like she’s serving a warrant.

💖 rule 2: if you can go on vacation without kids, you’re co-parenting.
you’re going on goddamn nature walks,
i’m dragging a stroller
up three flights in a fucking blizzard
answering discovery at midnight.
be serious.

💖 rule 3: if someone else can grab your kid from school, you’re co-parenting.
✨ my emergency contact… is me.
✨ my backup plan… also me.
✨ my life is a solo heist.

💖 rule 4: if you get money for childcare, you’re co-parenting.
i’m assembling ikea at 1am
like a prisoner of war
because my toddler
will literally eat the screws.

💖 rule 5: if the father exists in regular life, you’re co-parenting.
my child’s father?
literally raising other children.
while rejecting child support
and funding a defense attorney.✨

yo—
that’s abandonment: deluxe psycho edition.

🤡 🚩🎪🎡

💖 rule 6: if another adult breathes in your home, you’re co-parenting.
it’s me,
the baby,
the dog,
and the crushing weight
of the fucking patriarchy.

—

💖✍️✨the conclusion:

✦ if you get nights off?
✨you’re co-parenting.
✦ if you sleep regularly?
✨co-parenting.
✦ if you shower uninterrupted?
✨co-parenting.
✦ if you can complete
a single task
without a toddler
launching off a shelf?
—girl! that’s
✨co-fucking-parenting.✨

…

💞 all real moms deserve respect.
but be goddamn realistic—
and respect the fucking hierarchy.

✨🙂👍✨