“she’s crazy”— a memoir by the dude who did everything she said ✨🤝💀
✨aka: the gaslight olympics™✨
subtitle: but make it legally actionable.
…
because “keeping it private”
worked out so well.
🕊️
—
🤝💀 step 1: lie, cheat, steal, gaslight, lovebomb, unalive your own credibility
the classics.
then slap a ✨spiritual reset✨ on it
like you didn’t just
emotionally dropkick someone
and call it “messy”.
—
🫥 step 2: when they name it? play dumb
delete texts. unsend the pics.
change your name to “healing_vibes420.”
act confused
why people remember shit
you did on (fucking) camera.
—
🥺🧠 step 3: “i’m actually the victim”
suddenly everyone’s mean to them.
they’re being attacked by accountability!
call the police. tell the actual institutions.
file a vibe-based counterclaim.
—
🧍💬🧍 step 4: recruit your inbred circle
aka: the unpaid legal interns of
badly behaved men everywhere.
they all say the same three lines:
✨“she’s toxic”
✨“he’s a good dad”
✨ “this isn’t fair
to the new sidechick
co-habitating w him off
your baby’s dependant pay” ✨
…
LMFAO.
girl
he beat the last one.
maybe shut the fuck up?
—
💅🧼 step 5: the rebrand
delete the messages.✨
pretend the violence never happened.✨
straight lie that the relationship
“was never abusive, she’s just crazy”
my guy,
you punched me
on ✨more occasions✨—
than we went out for date nights.
✨🕊️⚖️
—
💬 step 6: narrate themselves into sainthood
✍️✨ “we’re building a family.”
✍️✨ “we’re traveling & hiking!”
✍️✨ “her claims are unsubstantiated…”
except actually…
hold up…
…
MULTIPLE. ⚠️
JUDGES. ⚠️
ACROSS. ⚠️
JURISDICTIONS. ⚠️
AGREE. ⚠️
yo—
☠️ BRO IS CLEARLY DANGEROUS. ☠️
🔥☢️☠️!!
???
ok.
—
🛑📄 final stupid boss: call it ✨defamation✨
not because it’s false.
because it’s too (fucking) specific.
because it has timestamps.
because the bench might read it and go:
"ah. he is the problem."
—
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
🚩 bonus round: litigious DARVO 🤡💥
✨👀
“yes, your honor, my client strangled her
but she wrote a mean poem on the internet
so really, who can say who’s dangerous?”
✨👀
—
🧃✨🍒
meanwhile,
i’m out here
with the records, 💥
the screenshots, 💥
the global goddamn corroboration! 💥
the multiple restraining orders, 💥
and a beautiful (whole-ass) BABY.
—
but sure,
let’s all pretend—
✨reality doesn’t exist.✨
—
💥 congrats, babe.💥
you’ve just
identified📍coercive control
and
ongoing
🙏😌🕊️
✨economic✨domestic✨violence.✨
—
let’s use logic, y’all. 🧠🏆
they’re not ✨victims.✨
they’re just ✶ deeply invested ✶
in the narrative
that claims—
i’m the menace 🤰🔥
…
because
otherwise?
they’d have to admit
they built
their whole
pathetic(-ass) self-esteem✨
off someone else’s
felony criminal plot arc.
🔥🧨💀
✨✨✨
and that’s what we call
a ✶ dumbass nervous breakdown ✶
brought to you by:
denial,
projection, 💋
and a
deeply fragile ego.
✨
hey!
not my problem.
