babe…if ✨YOU✨ have a felony, i want a felony TOO 🥺✨🥀

aka: please punish her for reporting a crime!

or…matching cuffs,
because i can’t get the ring 🥷

—

(babe…how dumb is this chick???)

…

ok so.

colorado’s witness-intimidation
framework is basically:

🚓✨

1. threats / harassment / harm
2. aimed at a witness / victim (or their people)
3. to influence what they say, whether they show up, or what they tell cops (18-8-704)
4. level-up if weapons are used (18-8-705)
5. plus separate charges if it’s revenge for cooperation (18-8-706)
6. with protection orders (18-1-1001) already telling the squad:
✨ no contact,
✨ no pressure,
✨ no funny business, bitch.

—

🌈 element 1: harm
“dear powerful institution, here’s why this specific woman should be treated like a problem.”
that’s a career + reputation shitshow = trying to fuck your life level harm

—

🌈 element 2: aimed at a witness
nah, she’s not ranting about “some girl online.”
she’s quoting directly a dv victim / witness with:
🔥 name,
🔥 victim status,
🔥 location,
🔥 multiple handles,
🔥 website.

—

🌈 element 3: change what you say
the vibe isn’t “i’m upset.”
it’s “her posts about dv / cases / people are false + dangerous
✨ and you should treat them as misconduct.”
translation: stop talking about my felon boyfriend like that!
that is textbook—
🔥 “influence the witness’s speech” energy.

—

🌈 element 4: weapons upgrade
congrats on not showing up with a pewpew, i guess. ⭐️

—

🌈 element 5: revenge timing
i go to court → i get orders → charges exist → i keep talking →
then the dumpster diva sends the ⭐️ full stalker confessional.
that’s not “prior concern.” that’s after i report.
🔥🔥🔥 retaliation vibes all over the place.

—

🌈 element 6: no funny business, allegedly
protection orders are out here like:
“nobody harass, intimidate, or retaliate
against this victim, directly or through others.”
and this evil queen said,

“ok but what if i try to get her expelled from school?” 🥲

—

NICE.
NIIIIICEEEEE.

lol.

that’s,

💖 “hey, system, please recalibrate this witness’s entire future.” 💖

…

✍️ so, like…sequence matters:

✨ dv happens.
✨ restraining order granted.
✨ felony case opens.
✨ civil case opens.
✨ i start publicly documenting
✨ then the longform “complaint”
about me arrives in an institution’s inbox.

ok.

when a “random civilian”
speedruns the…
💥 “witness intimidation elements” 💥

…😦

with
fucking
✨ enthusiasm.✨

🌈✨🧚‍♀️💞

—

sweetie.
may you find jesus.
buddha.
fucking barney, bro.

✨ 💀✨