the snitchicorn of the rainbow + sparklesland™ 🦄🧾🌪️ ✨⚖️💅
🦄✨🌈
welcome to
rainbow + sparklesland™,
ponyville’s most iconic
made-up jurisdiction,
where the clouds are cotton candy
the grass is glitter
and every conflict
is supposed to be solved
with a friendship circle 💞✨
—
except these ponies.
these ponies
solve problems
with interpretive whining
and selective literacy.
🔥🦄✨
—
so
the professional pony squad®
trots up
the rainbow runway like:
“thIs nEw pOnY rEfUsEs tO fOlLoW rUlEs.”
🙃🙃🙃
with the confidence
of a squad
who has never
read their own rulebook
and doesn’t quite get “tech.”
and
behind them?
a whole other
little herd
of “liable af” vibes.
like…
the kind of vibes
that come with
trembling hooves
and an aggressive email campaign.
🫠📋💦
guilty? idk.
but the energy is
seemingly guilty af.
like “why are you sweating in a children’s cartoon” guilty.
🦄✨🌈💀🤡
—
alright y’all
let’s meet the squad.
🦄🐴🐴🐴✨🌈
—
pony #1
sunshinee passive-aggressiveneigh 🦄☀️😔✨
loves to talk shit,
but in low-key pony-speak:
“she’s not following the friendship manual 😔”
while boldly—
not following
the cited friendship manual.
very “i’m not mad, i’m disappointed,”
🦄☀️😔✨
while standing
in the middle of
the burned down barn
holding the fucking matches.
🙃🔥
girl is the type
to be like:
“we are very reasonable ponies.”
🦄☀️😔✨
and everypony else is like:
“yes queen.
absolutely.
totally—.
👉🙄👈
—
pony # 2
princess snitchicorn 🦄💸📉👑
mane crunchy,
eyes fucking feral,
horn moon charged,
and her cutie mark
is literally a megaphone inside a red flag.
📣🚩
—
y’all
she doesn’t just complain.
no—no—nooo.
✨she performs complaint.✨
—
babe.
she starts
casting spells like:
🪄🤝⭐🦄
“RULES!!!!”✨
“CONSEQUENCES!!!!”✨
“FEE FAIRY SUMMONING!!!!”✨
girl.
💀⚰️
like the
other ponies
are for real going…
🦄🦄🦄😐😐
“ok princess snitch…
go off…
i guess…”
👏🙄👏
—
lol
but 4real,
you can tell
they’re all doing that thing
where they subtly move away like:
😐🧍♀️➡️🧍♂️➡️🧍♀️➡️
because princess snitch…
🦄💸📉👑
babe!
keeps doing this
precious little move
where she tries to dunk on you,
and accidentally dunks on her own squad.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
—
the witness protection ponies
aka (background herd to the professional pony squad®)
✨🐴🐴🐴✨
these ponies
don’t do much besides:
🦄 nodding ominously
🦄 whispering “rules…” as they strategically…do not follow them.
🦄 posturing like they don’t know princess snitch + friends…in rl 🦄😔
—
yooooo.
their whole brand is:
“we’re with her,
but not like…
with her.”
👀🧍♂️💨
“lolz yeah
we talk shit,
but like…
princess + friends…
are not one of us.” 🤡🤡🤡
“we don’t know her like that.” 🧍♂️💨
“she came with the ‘liable af’ squad,
not the ‘professional pony’ squad.”
🙃🌈✨
they’re basically
doing the pony version of:
“that’s my coworker, not my friend.”
💅
—
meanwhile,
princess snitch
🦄💸📉👑
aka…
fee-fi-fo-fumble ✨💫
she does the
dramatic trot-and-point like:
“THAT PONY DIDN’T FOLLOW THE FRIENDSHIP MANUAL.”
🫵📜✨
and then—
because ponyville
is a slapstick tribunal—
she points to
the exact page
where her own crew
didn’t follow the fucking manual.
🦄🔥🔥🔥
—
no seriously.
like she’s out here yelling:
“HOW DARE YOU NOTICE THE THING WE DIDN’T DO”
by…
loudly specifying…
the thing…
they
did
not
do.
💀⚰️🔥
and
all the other ponies
freeze mid-goddamn-prance like:
“…princess snitch.” 😐
“…bb.” 😐
“…why would you say that out loud.” 😐
…
…
🦄😶✨💫
—
wow!
i’m not even
a proper pony 🔥
in this rainbow universe.
i’m the dumb baby unicorn 🦄🗂️
cutie mark:
huge balls and a dead stare.
🧾😐
slightly awkward? ✨sure.✨
but hey,
at least
i’m not out here
turning my own squad
into a—
💥 failure
to comply with
known pony protocol, 💥
live presentation.
🦄✨🌈🧾🤡💅
