holy shit, it’s a three-headed hydra 🐍🐍🐍
(aka: same email chain, three different kinds of “oh fuck”)
they keep calling it
“the team”
lol
like it’s one brain.
like it’s a cohesive organism.
naaaahhhh.
it’s a motherfucking hydra.
🐍 three
🐍 goddamn
🐍 heads.
one email chain.
and a shared aversion
to answering questions
fucking directly.
🔱🐍🐍🐍🔱
—
ok let’s review.
🫶🥹
one shared “go fuck yourself”
three separate stress responses.
and yo
collectively goddamn
scared shitless 💥️💥️
of anyone
saying anything
under that oath.
—
(lol why tho??)
😐
—
ok so
we got:
🐍🙅♂️ head 1:
“adult supervision”
👏🙄👏
this head is
corporate babysitter energy.
the tone is “reasonable.”
the motive is
“please god don’t let
the bench notice the pattern.”
😨⚡️🥹
he’s out here like:
😇 “yo i totally understand.”
😇 “appreciate your flexibility.”
translation:
if you don’t respond,
i’m gonna file your silence
as goddamn consent.
bro is reasonable in theory—
like affordable childcare.
☝️🤓📝
he’s not fighting facts.
he’s fighting optics.
he’s trying to keep this
from turning into
“so why did you notice hers but block yours?”
🧐🔍🗑️
weiiiiirdddddd.
🔥🔥🔥
—
🐍🤺 head 2:
“oh shit—
my clients
did some shit”
/ professional delay girly
🗓️🧐🔍🗑️
lol.
this babe is
the “oops, we busy” head—
😇 polite as hell.
and about as
unavailable as god herself.
nah.
really
out here like—
😇 “we’re open
to discussing dates”
but,
maybe like
some time in
the unknown future.
🌈🦄
(and that will shift…indefinitely…)
💀⚰️
so0o0o baby!
“we’re available in spirit.” 🧍♂️💨
…
or like
they need time to:
maybe
🌈🦄
rehearse
whispering
😬 “i don’t recall” 😬
three times slowly,
into the mirror at 3am.
💖💫
wow y’all.
so like,
it’s never “no.”
it’s just… “not refusing”
with a side of goddamn refusing.
🤡🤡🤡
bravo.
—
🫵🐍🤡 head 3:
“i will burn the whole
fucking email thread down”
🔥🔥🔥 🔥🔥🔥 🔥🔥🔥
🤨🐍🤥
(metaphorically)
but like—
she doesn’t give a singular fuck.
nah.
🔥 delay,
🔥 derail,
🔥 demoralize
📎💀🙏🔥
yo.
this head
is pure
rage and rabies. 🔥🔥🔥
she hears “let’s talk”
and starts pacing around,
dragging a goddamn bat.
🦅⚾️🎸
—
bro
her squad
is guilty as shiiiit.
(allegedly),
so her strategy is:
🫠🌈✨
loud confidence,
zero factual substance
🔥🔥🔥 🔥🔥🔥 🔥🔥🔥
baby.
she’s not trying
to be right.
nah.
⚾️💥
she’s trying to be
loud enough
that you withdraw.
because if you
pause,
homie,
she succeeds.
👏🙄👏
—
translation:
⚾️💥🩸
my boy is cooked,
so i’m gonna try to
make you look outlandish.
🥳🎉📉
the covert moral
(because i’m not delusional)
🧠🧾
yo.
not a conspiracy.
incentives. 💥️💥️
🐍 head 1 wants it quiet (deep pockets, strategic hits).
🐍 head 2 wants to stall (prep + story control).
🐍 head 3 wants mistrust (wait, be loud, intimidate).
damn.
three heads.
one dumbass body.
but
the audacity
is still unfunded.
🧾💅🧠💀
lol
to recap—
🐍🐍🐍
energy:
“let’s keep this off the record”
🙃👉👈
but
the freakout vibes
are screaming
💥️💥️💥️💥️💥️
“containment mode fucking activated.”
—
damn.
🐍⚖️🫢💥️
