math says—y’all are the anomaly 🧑🔬🔬💥
so.
we don’t need to speculate.
the pattern’s fucking obvious.
let’s review,
what i like to call—
no more firm = no more felony vibes.🔥
the venn diagram was a fucking circle.
—
🧬 where the illicit & violent spiral actually happened?—
❌ not during his first marriage
sure,
i bet he was a little 🍷porn-wasted
a little 🛏️ “who’s this girl in your DMs?”
a little emotional denigration.
🤡✌️
but,
seems like—
✔️ he showered
✔️ he graduated
✔️ he wasn’t strangling anyone
✔️ no felony on the board
✔️ no cocaine fairy leaving venmo tips under his pillow
still trash.
but shit,
not goddamn biohazard trash.
—
🚫 not post–january 2024 when he dipped out
nj exit??
yeah,
💥 he spiraled.
like,
did he probably raw-dog
his trauma with someone who makes
worse decisions than he does?
💥 absolutely seems highly likely.
and he did he
stop pretending to be a dad?
💥 also yes.
but:
he left the fucking building.
i changed the locks.
he didn’t have
✨🕊️ my throat,
✨🕊️ my money,
or my goddamn vehicle anymore.
there was
no daily plug, 💫
no cubicle-adjacent private apartment,
no mentorship unpaid mandate,
no fucking finance firm
fueling the goddamn sadboy era.
✨👤🫵🏻
verdict: tragic, but manageable.
so…
✅ the only time
he went full war-crime-on-a-budget?
july 2023 to jan 2024.
🙏✨🕊️
weird, right?
he had:
💸 no money
🍼 a pregnant wife (me, hi)
🚗 my car
🏥 my insurance
👩⚖️ my legal identity on a debit card
and
every single day
he got to play:
🧟 “sexy texts with the girl across the training table”
🧟 “mentorship goddamn roulette with a 2.5 hour daily commute.”
🧟 “who can get me stimulants before lunch?”
🧟 “how do i ruin my wife’s life and get commission for it?”
baby.
it wasn’t
a goddamn breakdown.
seems like,
that shit was a corporate-sponsored bender.
🍾🥂🥃😵
—
but for real
🔥 the wildest part?
the minute he quit?
babe!🚫 no more felony-level beatdowns
🍻🥴🎉
verdict: the company was the plug.
—
but hey.
at least now?
my dude finally
stopped using my name
to fund his lifestyle
and started floating around texas
with zero forward motion
and a whole ass rent-a-family.
✨🪦✨
correct grammar:
you don’t just accidentally commit every felony of your life during the one stretch where you have:
a free office, a crush with a local spot, a drug fairy, a corporate alias, and a legally blind financial rep funneling your wife's assets straight into your nose.
💅✨
