🎄✨adult bedtime story: “financial frat bros in makebelieveland™️” 🎁💥
✨ now with more evidence, more elves, and 0.0% fiduciary oversight ✨
✨ also: the gift of ✍️ damning documentation ✍️
—
ok.
gather round
the yule log, bestie
this is
an adult bedtime story🎄💫
about a land that
doesn’t technically exist,
but sure has a lot
of policy drafts in your name.
🧾✨
it’s the—
financial frat bros in
makebelieveland✨🚩💫,
where facts are factual,
vibes are unhinged,
and everything is
legally fucking questionable.
🕊️✨
—
🎄the night before
christmas eve eve,
in makebelieveland 🎄💫
in a land of
💀 fake metrics
and unearned bonuses,
the financial frat
sat nestled in their mid-tier office,
surrounded by:
❄️ cubicle cheer
❄️ espresso pods
❄️ and a shared google doc labeled
“client smokescreen lol v4 FINAL FINAL FINAL”
honey,
this was not a fairytale.
this was—
retaliatory billing with a snowman filter. ❄️💫
🧑🎄💀💻
.—
🎅 prologue:
'twas the night before
an ethics complaint 🎅💫
once upon a fiscal quarter,
in a snowy office park
carved from corporate optimism,
there lived a financial fraternity.
🎄🧥😇📉
they wore puffer vests.
they said “crushing it”
like they were not fucking around.
they believed ethics
were an annoying ✨vibe,
not a goddamn duty.💫
🎅😇✨
—
this is not speculation.
this is based on
🎁 timestamps,
🎁 billing records,
🎁 onboarding logs,
and who mysteriously
stopped replying
when shit got inconvenient.
🧾⏱️🤐✨
—
✦ 🍷 chapter one: the pledge 🍷
babe!
every good frat needs a pledge.
in makebelieveland,
the pledge was always the same:
a dude with
no production, 💫
no money, 💫
and immaculate confidence.
✨📉😌✨
he was motivated —
not forced,
no, no, no,
✨🤷♂️✨
just gently guided —
to pursue greatness
while someone else’s
pregnant-ass paid the bills.
🎁💸🫠
girlies,
the encouragement strategy?
✨ unlimited pep talks
✨ zero boundaries
✨ and a total avoidance of asking:
“hey, should the pregnant spouse maybe be informed?”
🤰📬🚫✨💀
nah.
🥰👨🏼💫
✨ team culture ✨
—
✦ 💸 chapter two: the wife you never see 💸
(aka: the actual fucking client)
meanwhile,
off to the side,
there existed a
fictional concept
called “the bitch with the money.”
🫥🧾✨
she was pregnant.
she was funding everything.
she was told everything was “regulated.”
🎄🤰💳
regulated how?
💥great question,💥 imaginary reader.
🎅💅
regulated in the sense that:
✨ documents were signed while she was medically vulnerable
✨ ownership was discussed without her
✨ billing continued even when accountability did not
🧾🍼🤐✨
this is not an accusation.
this is a pattern observable
from the paperwork alone.
📎🔎✨
—
✦ 🔕 chapter three: the frat house rule 🔕
(aka: silence is a strategy)
in this frat,
there was one sacred rule:
never say the quiet part out loud. 💥
just covert personal vibes.
and billing.💥
🎄🤫🧾
so everyone said nothing.
everyone stalled.
everyone waited
for the problem
to magically disappear.
🎁⏳🙂✨
spoiler: it did not.
💥🎄
—
✦✨👤 chapter four: the disappearing act ✨👤
(aka: the billing system remembered, unfortunately)
eventually,
when the math 💀
stopped mathing, 💀
the frat performed
its favorite party trick:
✨ selective amnesia ✨
🧠🚫✨
texts?
💥“withheld / missing / can’t produce.”
roles? 💥blurred.
ownership? 💥“unclear.”
accountability? 💥on a fucking holiday.
🧾🌴💅
… but billing? never missed a cycle.
wow.
what a creative narrative—
which is wild.
because
e-doc signatures
have excellent fucking memories.
📬🧠✨
✨ your policy lapsed!
✨ it’s not yours anyway!
✨ but also: babe! pay by july 8th to keep it from lapsing!
yes,
like, they literally said:
💀 “the policy you don’t own can be reinstated by paying this invoice”
and also:
💀 “you’re not the owner and can’t access it.”
…😦
🎁🤶 make it make sense?
you don’t have to.
it’s in goddamn writing.💫
🧾🧠🧊💥
—
✦🎁🔥 chapter five: the ethics failure 🎁🔥
the real story?
nobody “didn’t know.”
they just didn’t care.
✨💫
and so,
dear homie,
the lesson of
the financial fraternity
of makebelieveland 💞
is simple:
they didn’t need a mastermind.
they just needed:
✨ plausible deniability
✨ an invisible female funding the party
✨ and a shared belief that
consequences are for other people.
🎄💅📉✨
this is not a fairy tale.
this is a warning shitshow
as a bedtime story for adults
who confuse confidence💫
with competence.
🧠🎁💀✨
✦🕯️ closing lullaby 🕯️
(“silent night, redacted night”)
and as the snow fell
softly on the office park,
the frat slept soundly,
dreaming of commissions
not earned
and problems they hoped
would stay quiet
forever.
🎄😴📉✨
but somewhere,
a single mom stayed awake,
reading her own paperwork,
connecting dots,
and realizing—
oh.
this wasn’t chaos.
✨💫
this was a system.
and systems leave fucking receipts.
🧾🧾🧾✨
—
sleep tight.
🎄✨
and 💥✨merry discovery. 🎁💫
