hey jess, quick question(s) 🚗💋
hey jess 💕
…hi girlie!
what’s up, babe???
—
so like,
super random
but i’ve been meaning to ask.
🫶🏻💓
like…
what were you texting my husband about
while i was birthing our first child?
…
like no rush, just wondering.
👤💭
—
because i was
a little busy.
in fucking surgery,
pulling his child
out of my actual body.
while you were…
🩷 texting him.
🙅🏼♀️ not once.
🙅🏼♀️ not twice.
a whole ass thread. 💫
…mid-birth.
but like,
girl!
half the messages are…missing.
like poof — vanished.
super chill!
—
so like,
imagine the level
of pick-me audacity it takes to
💌 text a married man while his wife (your client) is in surgery
💌 knowingly put her name on all the payment docs
💌 and then conceal the shit you sent her to sign
—
just curious, bestie —
✨ were you guys flirting while the spinal block hit?
✨ was he giving you little updates from the operating room?
✨ or were you both just really inspired by my open abdomen to discuss your unspoken bond?
girlie!
🙂 was it about love?
🙂 was it about coke?
🙂 was it about the LinkedIn leads…
🙂 you were allegedly paying him for—
🙂 out of your own Venmo account?
…
or maybe…
the policies you fraudulently pushed
while hanging with my hubby on your couch???
👯♀️
who knows!
you do 💅🏼
so crazy, am i right??
—
i mean, i get it.
🦋 some people send flowers.
🦋 some people say “congrats!”
and some people
secretly text your husband mid-cesarean
while pretending to be your financial advisor.
lol.
🥰💞
girls who get it, get it.
girls who text through the c-section?
get whatever karma they fucking summoned.
—
just one more,
promise:
🤡✌️
when you're
signing someone up
for life insurance
as their FROR
while they’re in labor...
is it best practice to:
💫 text their spouse privately
💫 invite him over your apartment
💫 send him money for “business leads”
💫 and move all convos to Instagram DM?
—
girl!
i didn’t take
illegal shit: fiduciary edition 101 yet,
so i’m still learning
🩷💅🏼
—
✨ no accusations.
✨ no conclusions.
✨ just fucking vibes.
—
🖤 anyway!
no hard feelings, jess.
because if everything
was totally on the record—
including those
💥 IRA rollover convos
💥 via Instagram direct message —
💥 before you blocked me after sending a legal notice.
i’m like,
so sure there’s
a totally normal explanation
that doesn’t involve
👀 deleting texts,
👀 deleting DMs,
or…
👀 deleting yourself
from the client file post-separation.
💀
babe!
can’t wait to see how
you answer under oath.
xoxo
kisses!
💋
