you forced me to go public 🤯🔫.

what were my choices???

💀🧠💥

bad
fucking
options.

ok.

i looked at the alternatives.

—

option one: 💫
move back in
with the abusive man
who raised me.

option two: 💫
forgive the abusive man
i just escaped.

so i picked option three:
drive across the country
with a 12-month-old
and less
than $500
and figure it the fuck out.

because my mom
had a brain aneurysm
and we’re fucking alone.

—

yeah.

🤮🤮🤮

it was fucked up.

i had just packed
what fit in the car.
i left everything
that didn’t.
and we left.

we got back
to a condo
i can’t even afford
to inhale inside.
every bill
still in my name.
every debt
still attached to my
social security number.
every “we’ll figure it out”
suddenly
mine
alone.

of course...
he’s never paid support.
nada.
not milk money.
not utilities.
not groceries.
not diapers.
not the car he destroyed.
not the tuition
he blew through
while i was pregnant.

ok.

so how tf
do you work enough
without any childcare
and no coparent??

👤❓

lmfao.

i had to beg
the fucking internet
for furniture.

✨💗🦋

strangers
sent hand-me-downs.
old toys.
clothes.
shoes.
tiny hearts
that kept my
tiny baby warm.

that’s what
escape actually looks like.
not fucking girl power.
not applause.
hand-me-down pajamas
and venmo grocery trips.

😨💥💀

months kept passing.

—

i took law classes
with a toddler
throwing toys
at my laptop
because i literally
could not afford childcare.
i stayed enrolled
because i had already
taken the loans
before he vanished.
there was no “pause and breathe.”
there was “keep going or fucking die.”

😟💭🌪️

my best friend moved.
i am alone here.

🕊️ yes, i am scared.
🕊️ yes, i don’t know what the plan is when i actually fail out.
🕊️ yes, i don’t know what the next step is after four law firms fucking obliterate me.
🕊️ yes, days pass before i sleep.
🕊️ yes, i still wake up in cold sweats.
🕊️ yes, i still feel my head slamming on the ground.
🕊️ yes, i still feel his hands on my throat while, i stared at him with horror.
🕊️ yes, i am fucking terrified of not having an emergency contact if something happens to us.

this is not bullshit.
this is fucking natural.
trauma imprints in the body.
the amygdala
cares about survival.
and it remembers.

😨⚡️

—

so…

for the popularity??

bitch,
no one likes this shit.

✨ this is not cool.
✨ this is not trendy.
✨ this is not goddamn “girl power.”

this is a fucking nightmare.

🕯️

—

because
the worst fucking part????

🤡

not asking for help.
nah.

having to admit
i had no other fucking choice.

🦄✨🌈💀

cool.
bro.

i didn’t
tell this story
for attention.
i told it
because silence
was killing me
faster than shame.

—

you forced me
to tell this story.

🥊😵

and then
said i’m a liar
for saying it outloud.

yo.

getting punched
while pregnant
is not fucking cool.

having to establish
your husband strangled you
is not fucking chill.

—

i had
no good
fucking options.

you left me with none.

💍🔥

so
i chose
the one
where my baby
didn’t grow up
hiding under beds
and goddamn terrified.

that’s it.

🌈🦄