the sam lowe true-crime limited series 💩🔥 // this wasn’t supposed to be my life 🧾🩸📰
hypothetically.
🧬🤰⚖️💩🔥
…
if some
random bro
off the street
⏳❤️💀⚰️
impregnates you…
🚫 under false pretenses,
🚫 fraudulently induces marriage,
🚫 destroys personal property,
🚫 commits felony assault by strangulation,
then completes the sequence
🚫 by stealing your goddamn wallet
🚫 after punching you in the face—
baby!
🕷️💍💀
that’s not a relationship.
that’s a fact fucking pattern.
…a sequence of chargeable events.
🧾⚖️🚨
then a “federally regulated institution” says,
“sounds good, king,
bring that shit
right over,”
theoretically
admits it has
no functional compliance controls, 🚗💋
and proceeds to
financially fucking obliterate
the injured party.
📉🤝
same individual
totals your vehicle 🥀
into another
whole-ass motherfucking vehicle,
routes the claim
through your insurance,
🤔👈
(because—
shit!
i guess
he didn’t
have any, despite…
fucking driving!)
🚨🛡️💔💰
while you are in
the fucking ER
delivering his child,
and concurrently
messages my
financial representative
🙏✨🕊️
communications
later withheld
under the legal loophole of—
🗣️🧠💡
“we should probably not produce this,
because maybe…crime adjacent.”💫
👀📱🔁
administrative
efficiency
at its fucking finest.
🫠📎
bro
then reappears.
moves into
your parents’ home.
👨💻✊🍆💦
consumes their food.
occupies their beds.
utilizes their utilities.
records explicit content from the bathroom.
🔥 represents he is in therapy.
🔥 represents he is medicated.
🔥 represents he is stable.
🔥 represents he is trying.
🫵🤥✨
—
representation later
shown to be
non-fucking-binding.
🤡💊⛓️💥💻🔞
then—
without notice—
immediately following
your re-enrollment
in graduate school,
he vanishes
into texas like—
💥“i’m getting a better job, please don’t divorce me.”💥
🇨🇱🤠⭐🤔🤷♂️...
—
notice was,
in fact,
not goddamn provided.
🥳🎉📉
—
instead,
he launched
a fucking parallel life.
🙏😏💰
before you
are aware of its existence, 💍💥
he impregnates
another woman
while still legally married
to you, 💞♾️
and fails to disclose
any of this information
due to documented
goddamn embarrassment.
😩🍆💦
failure to notify.
failure to parent.
failure to meet
baseline humanity requirements.
🧠🗑️
you retain:
🔥 the debt.
🔥 the infant.
🔥 the legal marriage certificate.
he retains:
✨ a reset.
✨ a rebrand.
✨ a clean daddy-do-over slate.
and now performs a
“i strangled my pregnant wife, lied, cheated, admitted cocaine use,
and filmed pornography in a shared household bathroom”
fucking redemption arc
🌈🦄✨💖💫
as though consequences
were an optional fucking feature.
💀🔥🙏
are
you
actually
kidding me.
—
short answer.
zero fucking emotion.
💀
this matter reflects
a predictable transfer
of risk and loss
🔥 from a violent actor 🔥
to the only party
who remained
✨present,
✨solvent,
and motherfucking compliant.💫
💍🤵🏼👰🏼✨
