colorado statutes i accidentally tripped over while minding my own business 🏛️🕊️⚖️

omg.

the law is so interesting.

i really
keep telling people
i’m literally
just reading colorado law
like a nerd
with trauma and a toddler.
i’m not
✨pointing fingers✨
i’m not naming criminals.
i’m not saying anyone did anything.

—

😀

i’m just saying:
these statutes exist.
and the way they read???
wildly interesting.
academically.
philosophically.
cosmically.
lol.

—

ok, so—

🥰

✦ exhibit a: crs 18-5-112✨

aka: “oopsie-woopsie i forgot to tell you the truth before you signed that”

colorado basically said:
“if you trick someone into signing something,
or just… let them believe the wrong thing,
and you benefit?
babe, that’s a whole-ass statute.”

not saying anyone did this.
lol.

—

✦ exhibit b: crs 18-5-102✨

aka: “congrats, that e-sign click counts as your literal signature in the eyes of god and colorado”

babe!
forgery is not just forged checks…
colorado said
“if you falsely complete something electronically? yup. that counts too.”

i’m not accusing anyone
of clicking shit they shouldn’t have.
i’m just saying:
the law REALLY treats
those docu-sign bing-bong clicks
like they’re the magna carta.

—

✦ exhibit c: crs 18-5-211✨

aka: “insurance fraud but make it premium-flavored”

apparently,
if your money is supposed
to keep Policy A alive but…
suddenly it’s “oopsie it lapsed”
or “surprise!
this is now Policy B
that benefits someone else”?
colorado calls that… spicy.

once again:
not saying anyone did this to me.
i’m just staring at the statute like it’s a jump scare.

—

✦ exhibit d:✨domestic violence

aka: “why these laws hit different
when you’re a dv survivor who paid for everything”

—

now layer in:
🔥 pregnancy.
🔥 postpartum brain fog.
🔥 isolation.

lol. not saying that’s me…
the overlap is…
narratively rich.

but i am just saying:
colorado legislators
✨really sat down and drafted laws✨
that read like they were time-traveling
into someone’s marriage paperwork

—

like…

🏆 crs 18-6-800.3 🏆

aka: “colorado said domestic violence is not just punching, babes”

…

colorado literally defines domestic violence as:

an act
or threatened act of violence
against an intimate partner plus
any other crime against a person
or property (or even an animal)
when used for
🕊️ coercion,
🕊️ control,
🕊️ punishment,
🕊️ intimidation,
🕊️ or revenge.

so like…

if you’re in (or were in) an intimate relationship
and someone weaponizes
💫 money,
💫 assets,
💫 paperwork,
💫 accounts,
💫 pets,
💫 your stuff
as a way to
control you,
🕯️ punish you,
🕯️ scare you,
or
🕯️get revenge?

yikes.

colorado is like:
✨“yeah, that still counts as domestic violence. next question.”✨

👏
👏
👏

damn.

idk who they were thinking of…
but wow, queen, fucking relatable.

—

so ✨in conclusion✨

🫶🥹

i’m not a prosecutor.
i’m just someone who
apparently can’t scroll through
the colorado revised statutes without going,
“lol wait… that’s a thing??”

that’s so fucking interesting.

—

lol.

i’m not ✨accusing✨
anyone of violating anything.
i’m just saying:
it’s interesting.
and sometimes “interesting”
is the loudest word in the english language.

🏛️🕊️⚖️