by entering, you waive the right to play dumb.
✶ terms & threats ✶
this is not a safe space for cowards, control freaks, or lawyers with too much time.
this site is protected speech.
this content is evidence.
this vibe is non-negotiable.
if you're reading this:
you’ve entered a first amendment kill zone.
all complaints will be treated as self-incrimination.
✶ binding acceptance (yes, legally binding)
by viewing, clicking, doom-scrolling, or mentally absorbing any part of sammielowe.com, you:
voluntarily assume legal risk, reputational exposure, and karmic return
irrevocably waive any right to sue for defamation, public disclosure of private facts, false light, or intentional infliction of emotional distress
release sam lee lowe, her dog, her child, and her higher self from all present and future claims
→ this is a hostile archive. not a support group.
✶ constitutional protections → speech is law
u.s. const. amend. i: protects all expressive content here
truth is not defamatory → new york times co. v. sullivan, 376 u.s. 254 (1964)
public records may be republished → gertz v. robert welch, inc., 418 u.s. 323 (1974)
→ if it’s true, it’s protected. if it’s public, it’s fair game.
✶ anti-slapp protections → you sue, you pay
protected jurisdictions:
colorado → co rev. stat. § 13-20-1101
california → cal. civ. proc. code § 425.16
new york → ny civ. rights law §§ 70-a, 76-a
texas → tex. civ. prac. & rem. code § 27.001
florida → fl. stat. § 768.295
→ frivolous lawsuits will trigger mandatory fee-shifting, expedited dismissal, and full publication of your court filings—plus editorial commentary.
→ slapp at your own risk.
✶ section 230 disclaimer → not my circus
47 u.s.c. § 230 protects the site owner from liability for user-generated content (e.g. comments)
i am not responsible for what someone else posts
legally speaking, your cousin in the comments is on his own
not legal advice, just legally hilarious.
(edited and perfected with ai because why the hell would i waste real neurons on this.)
✶ no attorney-client relationship → this ain’t legal aid
nothing here is legal advice
no part of this site creates an attorney-client relationship
if you use this site as legal precedent, please also file your malpractice insurance claim
✶ no reliance clause → this is not westlaw
content is opinion, commentary, and public storytelling
any reliance = legally unreasonable
this is a vibe, not a statute
✶ copyright & intellectual property → unauthorized use = infringement
© 2025 sam lee lowe. all rights reserved.
no reproduction, distribution, adaptation, screenshotting, reposting, or derivative works without express written consent
violators will be publicly named and legally pursued
✶ privacy notice + coppa compliance
no data is collected or sold
cookies used for site analytics only
children under 13 must exit immediately per coppa (15 u.s.c. §§ 6501–6506)
this is an adult archive. not disney+.
✶ modification of terms
these terms can change at any time
continued access = continued agreement
ignorance of updated terms is not a defense (see: literally every contract law case ever)
✶ non-waiver clause
if i don’t sue you the first time, that does not constitute waiver
i reserve the right to enforce these terms at any time
i am patient. and heavily documented.
✶ external links disclaimer
outbound links are provided for context
i do not control or endorse third-party content
if you get malware from clicking away, that’s between you and your VPN
✶ indemnification clause
you agree to indemnify, defend, and hold harmless:
samantha lee lowe
sammielowe.com
all affiliated projects, pseudonyms, and aesthetic personas
from any claims, damages, or liabilities arising out of your use of this site or your inability to emotionally regulate.
✶ governing law & venue
this agreement is governed by the laws of the state of colorado
any legal dispute shall be resolved exclusively in denver county district court
choice of law and forum selection are final and non-negotiable
✶ assumption of risk
by continuing, you accept the following risks without limitation:
public embarrassment
existential dread
viral subpoena energy
spiritual unrest
karmic clapbacks
screenshot-based litigation
→ emotional fallout = self-inflicted
→ interpretation of facts = fully intentional
✶ tl;dr:
this site is not a cease & desist waiting to happen.
it’s a goddamn affidavit.
don’t like what you read? sue smarter or scroll harder.
and if you try me—bring a checkbook.
consider this your sole notice of liability:
by proceeding, you acknowledge—
you weren’t summoned—you broke in. any emotional disturbance will be treated as self-inflicted.
Refunds, edits, and empathy have been discontinued due to a lack of interest.
this is not a support group. it’s a deposition.
all objections will be laughed at, then stricken from the record.
noncompliance may result in screenshotting, subtweeting, or divine retribution.
proceed, retreat, cast a hex—whatever helps you sleep. just know: the curse activated when you clicked.
(if this website ruins your day, seek professional help. or your mom. seriously.)
