→ the cycle in stats:

abuse in childhood
⇣ nervous system dysregulation
⇣ impaired attachment + no concept of boundaries
⇣ trauma bonding, self-blame, emotional numbing
⇣ repeated abuse, manipulation, assault, gaslighting, more self-blame

aka: it wasn’t your "type." it was your trauma.
(also: your body literally thought danger was love. cute.)

→ the data:

• 1 in 3 women who were abused or neglected as children will experience domestic violence as adults.

• people with 4+ ACEs (adverse childhood experiences):
  → 7x more likely to be raped or sexually assaulted
  → 5x more likely to attempt suicide
  → 3x more likely to enter abusive relationships
  → massively more likely to deal with PTSD, depression, anxiety, substance use, and chronic illness

source: cdc-kaiser permanente ace study, national sexual violence resource center, national coalition against domestic violence

→ how it rewires your brain + body:

• amygdala = overactive
  ⇢ hypervigilance, everything feels like danger

• prefrontal cortex = underactive
  ⇢ poor risk assessment, constant doubt, can’t recognize red flags

• hippocampus = shrunken
  ⇢ memory loss, dissociation, can’t link cause and effect

• attachment system = wrecked
  ⇢ you confuse chaos with love, and silence with abandonment

your system doesn’t know what safe feels like.
so it chases what’s familiar. even if it’s killing you.

→ why it keeps happening:

• abusers pick up on unhealed trauma like it’s blood in the water.

• your freeze/fawn/appease responses make you easier to isolate + manipulate

• you think their rage is your fault. their cruelty is your burden. their silence is your punishment.

• and if love was pain growing up? your body now seeks pain to feel loved.

this isn’t "attraction."
this is trauma on autopilot.

→ the aces test (and why it matters):

ask yourself:

→ were you hit, screamed at, insulted, or neglected?
→ did you feel unsafe in your own home?
→ was there addiction, mental illness, or violence around you?
→ were you sexually abused?
→ did no one come help you?

score of 4 or more?

your risk of:

⇢ being raped
⇢ becoming unhoused
⇢ developing c-ptsd, dissociation, addiction, chronic illness, suicidal ideation—skyrockets.

this isn’t a vibe. it’s math. it’s cause + effect. it’s what happens when children are left in unsafe places and then grow up trying to function in the world like that didn’t happen.

→ repetition doesn’t make you a liar:

if it happened more than once, you’re not lying.
you’re living the exact pattern the data predicts.

→ survivors of child abuse are more likely to be targeted again.
→ abusers are repeat offenders. they look for people whose boundaries were never taught.
→ being abused once makes you statistically more likely to be assaulted, exploited, gaslit, and retraumatized.

it’s not your fault. it’s not a coincidence. it’s a cycle. and it thrives in silence.

→ breaking the cycle:

✔ trauma-informed therapy (emdr, somatic, polyvagal)
✔ learning your triggers + nervous system language
✔ recognizing the difference between peace and boredom
✔ building safety without chaos
✔ saying no even when your body says freeze
✔ trusting that you’re not overreacting—you were underprotected

healing isn’t cute. it’s work. it’s rage. it’s grief.
it’s showing up for yourself like nobody ever did.

→ bottom line:

you weren’t overreacting.
you weren’t imagining it.
you weren’t being dramatic.

you were trained to normalize abuse.
and now you’re learning how to undo all of it—while still surviving.

if it happened more than once, it doesn’t disprove your story.
it proves how early trauma conditions you to accept pain as love.

this is what the science says.
this is what the stats show.
this is what trauma does.

you’re not broken. you were just never safe.

but now you know.
and now you get to break it.