what even is this business model??? is someone ✨ misclassifying labor? 💫

aka: what even fucking is a 1099; a true fucking fairy tale

…🤔🤨💭 me visualizing:

(i’m explaining to my independent contractors
that they are being mandated 💫✨to regular
full unpaid work weeks & private one-on-ones
after i’ve paid them nothing—
for half a year…
and then being like:
”lol—what?? 💫✨
it’s just mentoring babe!
oh! and!
i’m keeping all your contacts & clients!
lol!—also
no duty for you tho, silly goose.
and like,
this isn’t supervision,
but i’m your supervisor!
quirky shit, am i right?! heh”)

sounds absolutely legally batshit.

💫✨👏😐

my main financial frat bros
keep legally crying:
”but sam!!
these fuckers are
✨independent contractors, 💫✨
no control,
no duty
really though—
who the fuck even are these people?!”

—

…🤨💭

okie doke.
i’m gunna call bullshit.
so, pick your lie to the judge:

✦ option 1:

if my husband’s texts were true,
then his self-reported personal senior fucking supervisor ✨
was mandating his ass to chronic, unpaid 40-hour work weeks
and clocking him into constant compulsory, private “one-on-ones”
while he made zero fucking sales
—for half a year…

🙃 uh oh!
that’s employee control, babe.
straight-up misclassification.
✨👏😐
you owe wages.
(a fucking lot, send venmo.)
you owe back pay.
you owe taxes.
fucking period.

✦ option 2:

if my husband’s texts were lies,
and he was never actually showing up,
never mandated, 🤨
and absolutely never fucking producing?
then how the fuck do you explain the
november powerpoint—where you literally
put his full name next to my fucking due date
like he was a team fucking mascot. ✨
explain why your office greeted me in december
like he belonged?? hmmmmmm.
explain why you propped up
a fucking ghost with no revenue,
while you explicitly knew—
i was financially on the fucking hook
all fucking pregnancy
under formal fucking inducement?

✨👏😐

so either:
you’re running a wage-theft sweatshop
under the “1099” scam, 🙃
✨or ✨
you’re staging fake optics
to cover why a married dude,
who is obviously shot-the-fuck-out,
and a total non-producer✨ was still
being given access and proximity
after months of “supervised mentoring.”

💫✨

let’s say the obvious:
no senior rep with decades in the game ✨👏😐
“accidentally” blows up the contractor shield.
if she exercised that control,
it was intentional. 💫✨
not because she’s stupid—
because she wanted leverage. 🙃

bro,
…🤨💭 what even is y’alls defense???

fucking nothing.💫✨👏😐

you can’t frat-chant
“no supervision”
while your own office shows either
employee-level control or
flat-out fucking fraud.
both seem ✨fucked for you.✨
pick which one
you’d like
shoved up your ass in discovery.

💫✨

thank you—
for making me crack
the ✨ most repulsive ✨
cubicle insurance scandal
ever recorded in human fucking history. 💫