stimulants, stalking, and someone else’s husband: the thinspo wellness era 💀🧘🏼♀️
like imagine
publicly chronicling
your own role in a criminal fucking conspiracy—
timestamps,
captions,
full fucking gps coordinates
practically—
for a fucking year,
then
acting brand new
the second the internet
is like
girl, WHAT?
(meanwhile)
🧷👩🎤🤘🔥
after you
intentionally flaunt
your dumb ass social account—
in front of his legal wife??
girl—are you fucking insane?????? 📣
—
no.
she’s really out here
like “omg people are being mean 🥺”
no, sweetheart,
they’re reading the fucking room.
like,
did you fail to realize
your dumbass is literally
playing fucking house
with someone’s actual husband
while he flat out
ghosts 👻💨
his own….baby
and it is…fucking weird.
duh???
and straight desperate bitch behavior.
🖤🤘🔥
omg.
you were not in love,
you were mid-fucking episode. 💊
and congrats,
you finally
discovered the delete button
after half a million views
and
a collective internet
“girl, are you okay?”
nah. 💋🫶🥹
she really
deleted the alcohol pics
like she didn’t publicly
post that shit…
like omg..
🤡💭 ”look at my family…”
lol
not the crimes, though.
not the open violation of a restraining order.
not the
“look at me, i’m harboring a felon with my young children” fucking scrapbook she’s been carefully curating…for a full fucking year.
nah.
just the snapshots.
🤡🤸💥
….
like damn, the priorities!
not the: 😵🏳️
“hey, do you think i should stop committing misdemeanors on my main?”
—
lol, nah.
just—
😮...💭 “maybe people won’t think
i’m an alcoholic if i crop out the red solo cup
and delete the pics drinking with the dude
who’s out on bond
and has mandated
fucking court-ordered sobriety.”
…
(hold up)
hey hubby??? 🙃
hi. so—
this bitch is truly a fucking genius.
🤯🧱
congrats bro. 💫
nah.
i can’t tell
if you’re
seriously
this fucking dense.
👩🎤🖤️🕸️… (obviously it’s a yes)
—
but yeah—
shit.
so…
i saw the old pics.
lol.
damn. 😦…
so…those throwbacks?
honestly??
now
everything makes
perfect fucking sense.
girl. 🥹🫂💗
shit must have been…rough.
huh?
…
yeah
like suddenly she’s
“so tiny 🥺✨”
uh oh.
and…blonde?? 👭🏼
and look…
the entire internet’s like
“nah babe that’s not pilates,
that’s pure colombian fucking cardio.”
😳👉👈
…oh
shit.
🥀
—
truly
it’s wild
when you finally see
the before pics
and your brain goes—omg.
lol. yep.
that shit checks.
the insecure origin story.
…yikes. 🖤
—
like the math mathing:
no gym tags.
no yoga mats…
definitely no smoothie bowls.
nah.
just vodka,
whiskey on the dance floor,
fucking senior citizen raves,
all the vibes, 💖🥰💞
and a septum doing heavy labor.
…while
she plants
her whole
goddamn sweaty ass
on my husband’s shoulders
looking fucking…
cooked?????
🤭😭…for that pic????
noooooo.
fucking wow.
like, who’s mom is this?????
please,
come get her.
and bro,
i am fucking sorry.
can not imagine.
…🫣 (it’s too fucking tragic)
—
but really,
babe.
the epic levels of
familial,
fucking generational—
humiliation??
yo.
this man
brought
full fucking disgrace
upon all of us.
put that shit
on the internet
so even our
goddamn grandkids
will be fucking embarrassed.
brilliant bro.
woof.
some dawg-level shit.
💀🤘
—
babe.
and the desperation?
fucking omnipresent.
you can smell it
through the social grid.
that “if i keep
partying hard enough
maybe 🥺🥺
i’ll stay relevant
to a cokehead” energy.
girl.
you are like forty.
you good???
🤡 🚩
and seemingly on your third?!
fraudulent
fucking
fill in husband???
shit.
that kind of hunger
makes people
mistake pathetic pick-me chaos
for a fucking personality.
—
because yeah—
after seeing that????
now 💡
i really get it.
she didn’t steal
literally anyone’s man.
(like ever)
girly sponsored a full on relapse.
she was like,
so excited about it too.
sweetie.
she can join the fucking club.
🙃
community service,
honestly.
✨god bless✨
