sunflower home academy inc.
bro, seriously—
what the fuck is homeschooling?
and no,
i’m not talking about the curated,
pinterest-board-ass families
with structured co-ops,
kiddie yoga,
field trips,
lesson plans,
and juveniles who are basically in a low-budget
private school with better snacks.
do your thing, i guess.
kinda sounds legit.
i’m talking about the others.
the ones who woke up one day,
looked at their barely passing GPA and said:
“you know who should be in charge of
someone’s entire education?
me.”
like... low key terrifying tbh.
like…all of it?
but…
you don’t have a teaching credential.
you don’t have curriculum experience.
you don’t even have a consistent schedule.
you have anxiety, a messy living room and vibes.
and yet,
somehow,
you think
you’re gonna teach k through 12??
successfully?
math.
science.
grammar.
writing.
history.
critical thinking.
emotional development.
life skills.
you think you're covering all that?
on your own??
with your iPad and some christian guilt??
be fucking for real.
(oh the teachers don’t know shit)
babe—
they have credits.
you have…
delusion and sunflower seeds as an activity.
you flunked bio.
you never understood algebra.
(bro me either)
you haven’t read a book in five years.
but now you’re crafting a syllabus on evolutionary theory and long division?
why?
because you’re scared of school shootings?
guess what—so are we.
but you could get gunned down at the grocery store.
you could get hit at the playground.
fear is not pedagogy.
and avoidance is not an educational model.
“but the public school system is broken.”
sure. agreed.
so maybe... fix that?
fund that?
vote differently?
demand better?
instead,
you pulled your kid out
and handed them a blunt and a youtube link
about how spelling is a colonial construct.
let’s not pretend it’s about enlightenment.
it’s fear.
control.
delusion.
and probably ego.
you don’t trust the system
but you trust yourself—
with zero qualifications,
no training,
and an emotional regulation score of
“depends on the day”—
to produce the next generation of humans?
nah.
you’re not raising revolutionaries.
you’re raising socially stunted,
under-educated kids
with no group conflict resolution skills
and a deep,
unspoken belief that structure equals oppression.
you’re not anti-school.
you’re anti-accountability.
and your kid?
deserves better than your burnout cosplay.
