💀 universal laws for the emotionally irresponsible.

a nonchalant science recap for the delulu & dramatic:
aka ☁️ physics for people who lie recreationally

1. newton’s third law
(the fuck-around-and-find-out doctrine)

yo—
let’s simplify:
every action has a reaction.
for every ghost,
there’s an equal and opposite glow-up—
and the universe sends you
a certified “wyd” at 3 am.
you lie about who you're with?
→ your "boys night" ends up tagged
on tiktok as a “do you know this man?”
hits the timeline like a meteor, babe.
nature’s clap-back:
you threw shade → they got brighter.
it’s basic drake physics:
"started from the bottom, now we here."
⚖️

2. the butterfly effect
(small fuckups, colossal L’s)

homie,
let’s talk causality.
you send one “u up?” at 2:17 am → 3 years later
you’re choosing nursery paint colors
with a girl named after an essential oil.
micro-mistakes multiply exponentially, babe.
one tiny lie
and suddenly your whole narrative
is sponsored by
anxiety meds
and paternity tests.
it’s giving “wtf did i do” energy
sincerely,
chaos theory.
tiny flap.
massive storm.
oops.
🦋

3. schrödinger’s cat
(the quantum dm slide theory)

bro—
the unread message
is both “seen” and “unseen”
until you click it.
it’s simultaneously chill vibes
and a 7-paragraph monologue
that’ll ruin your life.
leave it unopened: anxiety.
open it: confirmed chaos.
welcome to the quantum mechanics
of your inbox—
where every notification
is a fuckin existential crisis
waiting to drop.
the cat’s already dead.
so is the vibe.
📲

4. entropy
(everything trends towards chaos)

everything falls apart
unless maintained.
and babe—
you didn’t maintain.
same shit applies emotionally.
you start narrating bullshit and leave it…
unresolved?
babe—
suddenly you’re living
in an emotional haunted house.
the sloppy chronology piles up
until you’re sleeping on unresolved drama,
unpaid emotional support,
and too many “it’s just complicated” texts
clean up your shit—
or watch it deteriorate into chaos.
⚡️

5. occam’s razor
(angel, just stop fuckin lying)

short version:
the simplest explanation
is usually the correct one.
(shout out to the hubby)
your girl catches you:
option a: “my phone died.” (probable, mildly sus.)
option b: “i got kidnapped by crypto bros in cancun and they deleted my contacts.”
(creative, highly entertaining, deeply full of shit.)
lying requires hella footnotes, baby.
the truth?
uncomplicated.
cut the shit.
✂️

6. the first law of thermodynamics
(bullshit is eternal)

energy cannot be created or destroyed—
only transformed.
aka: “real hot-girl shit.”—
(thanks, megan)
so the dramatics you stirred up
thinking “lol really fucked up that love story”
nah babe,
it transformed into emotional warfare
and is now fully weaponized against you—
the insecure bullshit never evaporates;
it only evolves into trauma responses
and an emotional shitstorm—
everytime the jealousy spikes.
you’re reminded—
because that shit is forever.
🔥

7. quantum entanglement
(two lies, one notification)

scientists say two particles
linked together react instantly across distance.
translate this shit:
you send one shady dm in boulder—
her best friend’s crystals vibrate in alabama.
energy’s real, king.
and so’s the screenshot.
(jk—but don’t test me)
🔗

8. karma
(the spiritual “fuckkkkk”)

yo—
to quote the words of
saint cardi:
“the karma for you is gon’ be
who you end up with.”
translation:
every lie,
ghost,
or fuck-around = shiiiiiit.
karma’s just waiting for you
to post a thirst trap—
then sends it to your boss,
your mom,
and your spiritual advisor.
🪬

9. sunk cost fallacy
(doubling down on dumb shit)

”got 99 problems...?"
and more specifically…….
it ain’t love—
you’re just embarrassed.
you stayed because leaving meant admitting
you wasted years on a delulu theory.
and now?
you’re committed.
so you’re out here doubling down on stupid.
sending more texts,
fabricating timelines,
inventing fake scenarios.
congrats, honey,
now we all take the hit.
shit’s just bad math.
💸

10. roi of truth
(the index fund of vibes)

truth isn’t hot—
it’s fuckin slow-metamorphosis.
boring as shit,
but stable as hell.
lies are a crypto currency:
quick hype,
then crash harder than the 2008 stock market.
truth is the 401k of emotional investing:
compounding quietly,
zero panic attacks at midnight.
buy in early, bro.
🌪

the recap:

physics doesn’t care about your feelings.
and the universe isn’t chill.
it’s just patient.

bless up.
truth out.
🧃🧠🧃