timber, babe.

aka: er o’clock

nah.
cool.
what the fuck.

hospital fluorescents.
baby screaming.
me screaming silently.
half my body
fucking bleeding.
cold sweats—
but my baby, bro.
😭😭😭😭😭
i’m fucking panicked.
no one to call.
love that for me.

and yo—
this is not about fraud-boy
the dude with
zero personality.
nah,
he’s busy
ducking transmitting
food money—
bro is committing crimes,
fucking tax evasion
with an unsightly coworker.

mom?
that bitch is in
witness protection
from basic decency.
brothers? one’s
probably fighting
for his fucking life,
the other?
dude’s probably
practicing his next
rant in the mirror
”she’s too dumb
to be a lawyer” shit.
dads? lol.
the original fucking failures.

and then my brain
does that stupid thing—
reaches for you.
i don’t even know
fucking why?
the blocked contact
i still text like
it’s a neat setup for a
self-imposed
fucking penitentiary sentence..
bro gifted me
a fucking dog,
and then bounced
like his whole
fucking personality
is object impermanence.
always “on a job.”
always “tomorrow”
but nah,
never fucking here.

this dude
trained my stupid
fucking nervous system
like a goddamn lab rat.
out here with the
variable reward schedule.
breadcrumb economy.
intermittent i-love-yous
with long-form silence.

for what? because i did something?
nah. because i survived.

because my dude—
i’m in fucking triage
and my brain still thinks
you’re the fucking
emergency exit sign.
wake the fuck up:
you’re the fire alarm.
you’re the hold music of men.

“press 1 for silence.
press 2 for silence
with sawdust on it.”

🔕🔕🔕

“your call is very
fucking important to us.”

bitch—click.

ten years of
“i got you”
with delivery times
set to
“nah, i’m gunna
drop you
on your
fucking face.”
eta: babe—
i’m just
tired tonight.
but like forever.

and yeah,
i guess
i’m mad at you
more than the rest
because they always
were absolute trash.
but you?
you sold fucking safety
like it was a fucking option.
bro—what the fuck
because you looked me
in the fucking eye
and taught my body
to expect to be
fucking rescued.
then abandoned me
mid-making
the fucking miracle
that could have
fucking saved us.

i could use a man.
to give a shit. to help.
to teach me how to fight
how to fucking aim
before this fucker
comes to get me.

a fucking man.
like a real one.

but nah.
i’m in the er with a baby
fucking scared,
fucking alone.
replaying every staircase
they watched me fall down—
leash burning my palm,
dog pulling,
but nah,
no one is fucking coming.

so yeah.

baby’s okay.
me too,
inconveniently.
y’alls record?
canceled for lack
of fucking attendance.

fucking timber, babe.

anyway. updates:
i’m the primary contact—
and the emergency backup.

nurse asks,
what about dad?
the one from
our records?

babe—
that fucker’s in jail.
nah like,
an actual whole ass
cold fucking cell in texas
exactly where the fuck
he should be
for trying to fucking
kill us.

like,
he tried to actually
strangle—
fucking repeatedly
punch
her life from
my fucking body.

because she
was being born
into a fucking fraud.

and now?

i’m gunna take
my baby
and my dog—
and we’re gunna
fucking hide.

because
guess what?
they’re gunna
drag his ass
back here.

ask him to pay,
for his fucking crimes.

and i’m fucking
goddamn fucking terrified.

but yeah.
cool story,
talking to myself.
what the fuck.
next crisis.

✨🤷‍♀️💀

but listen.

if we go missing?
if we end up harmed?

do not be confused.

we’re on
our fucking own.