“how to burn down a financial firm by being the world’s most pathetic side bitch: a masterclass in being ugly, useless, and utterly forgettable”

look,
this ain’t for my legal files.

this is purely the
brain-melting aftermath
of 800 fucking hours
printing 8 million pages
of fucking bullshit, delusion, and lies.

i’ve unraveled the biggest
clusterfuck of deceit
you could ever imagine.

do i have a sex tape?
nah.
can i prove it?
not yet fuckers.

but for the sake
of this goddamn art piece,

✨let’s just assume:

he never had a real job.
just rode around
your ratchet-ass apartment
or crashed in every car
that wasn’t fucking his —
including mine.

let’s assume
you two were nasty AF,
fucking in your dusty ass crib,
my car, my fucking life.
smashing up against acne
and yellow teeth crust—
and from that sticky,
greasy, disgusting truth,
let’s fucking go.

buckle up bitches,
cause the roast is about to start.

listen up,
you two sad-ass motherfuckers —

i mean,
you already know—
this ain’t a love story.
it’s a goddamn disgusting-ass
crime scene.

he’s the psychotic manipulator
who can’t keep
a dick in his pants
or a job worth a fucking shit.

baby,
you do know—
i had to beat that mf’er off
with a fucking stick
like a rabid dog
who forgot his meds.

yo—you fucking clowns,
he left bruises on me
and emails in my inbox
begging for fucking pity.

you wanna talk love?
lol nah, babe—
he fucked you out of desperation.
we both know—
and it’s why you’re so
jealous of me,
he never once wanted you.

that hurt, didn’t it?

and you —
the trust fund hoe
who thinks
money buys
insulation from consequences.

spoiler alert, bitch: it doesn’t.

baby,
you really couldn’t score
a half-ass decent man
even with all that fucking money
you’re willing
to throw the fuck at them—
so you settled for
the walking dumpster fire
the wife beater—
married, baby on the way,
just so you could feel,
less inadequate
all the fucking time.

lol.

yeah, that’s classy. 💀

girl,
you funneled him money
like a fucking sugar mama
who couldn’t even get the ring,
or damn,
be seen in public?—lmfao.
played just like
a mediocre, jealous little bitch.

you didn’t just wear
your cruelty like a mask —
you paraded it in a shitty-ass
cover of bad “professionalism”
while your gross-ass fake smiles
were like the bad makeup
on your rotten-ass dry skin.

you’re nothing
but an ugly, bratty
power trip
flaunted by an
envious, homely bitch™

also, you dress…
yeah.
lol.

but yo
the whole low-range
insurance office?
yeah,
they fucking watched.

whispered like the
sad-ass, boring little miserable
below-average losers they are —
and always will be.

watched me
bleed the fuck out in real time,
like a slow,
goddamn fucking
domestic homicide
nobody wanted to stop,

while you schemed
in your little rat’s nest,
cackling like the
cockroach queen you are. 👑

silent fucking accomplices
in this rancid,
festering circus
of pure fucking toxicity.

a goddamn plague
on everything decent.

and now?

you’re rocking
felony-adjacent shit
like it’s
some kinda
twisted badge
of fucking honor,
scratched on your
linkedin for eternity.

all ’cause you
couldn’t keep your
goddamn legs crossed,
and he couldn’t
hold his fucking shit together
if his fucking life depended on it.

here’s the punchline
that’s gonna make you
puke
or cry—
(some more)
because you know

it’s true,
he didn’t want you.

he wanted control.
he wanted fucking chaos.
he wanted his fucking ego stroked.

baby,
he wanted
your fucking money.

i promise,
that’s fucking it.

although,
he might have—
officially entered
your league now,
with his current
record and shit.

good luck with that bitch. 💀

because you?

you wanted to
feel important
picked or some shit?
by attempting to fuck with
the one woman
who was 100%
overqualified
to fuck your life up,
by putting on
the docket
for everyone see—
who the fuck you
really are.

girlie—
do you feel picked now?

i hope so.

you? pathetic.
like hard to watch in real-time, level.

me? devastating.
like a goddamn nuclear blast.

your existence?
a walking, talking tragedy —
but not the kind
you write novels about.

the kind you toss
in a fucking dumpster fire
and warn everyone
to stay the fuck away from.

so here’s a fucking toast
to the poisonous,
festering mess you both created:

may your careers
rot in the funk
of your fucking lies.
may your futures
be as shallow
as every goddamn
promise you ever made.

and may you choke
on the bitter, petty truth
you brewed up together.

fuckboy + trust fund side bitch =
the most toxic clown show
this shitty-ass world has ever seen.

end of fucking story.

y’all proud
of taking
the entire firm
and your homies
down
with you?

y’all must be really popular rn.

get those references. 💀

“i mean…i kinda
pulled
my entire
fucking last
place of business
into a dv lawsuit lol”

they’ll love that.

btw, hubby?
the irs is looking for you.

ate our whole refund.
seems, you—
lied on your taxes?

babe.

hope you didn’t
both commit
fraud,
or anything.

sweetie, you know—

since i
already,
submitted
and sounded
the fucking alarm
about those:
client “kickbacks”
and venmo payments,
between you two—
(by name & screenshots)
while he claimed
zero income—
to the SEC.

lol.

bad combo,
am i right?

i hope so.
for y’alls sake
of course.

mic drop
dumb bitches.
be better criminals.

and get fucked.

✨🖕🏻✨