✦ case study: when a coked-out narcissist ends up with an annoying, busted trust fund goblin 🐀✨💸

✦ diagnosis: antisocial-narcissistic blend, stimulant-dependent, conflict-avoidant subtype
✦ translation: a lying, cheating wife-beater with a coke problem and a fucking delusional hero complex.

…when a narcissist ends up with someone uglier, drier, and dumber than you.

or: karma really fucked that dude…

—

not even mad he cheated—i’m mad he cheated down

the running vibe check:

✨ like wow, your “upgrade” looks like a demo version of me that never got finished
✨ she’s not even the hot evil bitch trope. she’s just... annoying. and there.
✨ not intimidating. not sexy. just has wi-fi and a hook-up
✨ and you visited? with her?? while looking like that??? during my pregnancy????
✨ bro i would’ve run away too if i was trying to erase the memory of those consequences
✨ damn…my guy, she’s not the prize. she’s the punishment
✨ like yeah you ended up with her?—because she’s the only bitch who’ll never hold you accountable
✨ congrats on your new supply chain, babe. does she come with a spine or just killer vibes and inherited money?
✨ i got pregnant, broke, and beat. she got sloppy seconds and an addict. we both lost.
✨ imagine funding your own abuse just for his rebound to have no ass, no ethics, and a LinkedIn you could sleep through

—

✦ subject: 🐀✨💸
combat vet turned cokehead with a god complex and a bench warrant
→ previous titles include: “husband,” “entrepreneur,” and “father” (allegedly)
→ dsm-5 tags: narcissistic personality disorder, stimulant use disorder, domestic abuser in delusional denial

—

aka:

you thought an affair would at least be
with someone dangerous, beautiful, chaotic.
but instead he threw it all away
for an awkwardly dressing fangirl
with rich parents and two facial expressions.

✦ fucking symptoms:

→ snorts validation, lies like it’s fucking cardio
→ cannot fucking function unless someone is actively suffering because of him
→ chooses creepy-ass enablers who mistake collapse for fucking mystery
→ calls it love while fucking ruining your life and venmo-requesting his side dazed-out chick

or…

you’re telling me
i got publicly humiliated,
financially fucking wrecked,
emotionally crucified,
and nearly fucking killed—
for a bitch who looks like a closeted field hockey coach
with the aesthetic of an east coast yacht club intern
and the depth of inverted cross??

BRO.

and let’s not forget the short, mean-faced dragon lady of a supervisor
who looked like she’d bite the head off a new recruit if he didn’t flirt back.
you mean that one??
with the fucking clipboard?
and the…maybe…yayo?
and the “mentorship” that somehow required 5 days a week of one-on-one proximity
but produced zero sales
and one fucking felon?

be fucking serious.

—

✦ current counterpart:
a trust fund goblin in bad-fitting slacks and fucking delusion
→ emotionally void. functionally fucking useless. backstabber, stalker energy.
→ thinks nepotism makes her interesting
→ actively watched your third trimester near-death with her whole-ass legal goblin face

and that’s who he risked it all for?

(nah, babe—the drugs)

not a femme fatale.
not a boss bitch.
not even a normal woman with a job and a personality.
nah.

he burned down his entire fucking life
for an unseasoned +1 with a clit-shaped mouth
and personality of a fucking fiber supplement.

—

and don’t even start with
“but maybe she’s nice.”
NO THE FUCK SHE’S NOT.
nice women don’t watch wives get abused
while they suck off their paychecks and pretend it’s motivation.
nice women don’t fund rehab stints they helped create.
nice women don’t send “you’re crazy” energy from behind
a locked iphone screen while defrauding your child’s fucking life insurance policy.

—

so yeah, it hits different.
because when he chooses so far down
it proves it was never about love.
he didn’t want a partner.
he wanted a weaker fucking witness.

someone who wouldn’t fight back.
who wouldn’t fucking file.
who wouldn’t survive.

guess what.
i fucking did.

—

✦ shared fucking delusion:
→ he wanted to stay broke and unaccountable.
→ she wanted to be “the one he didn’t hit while spun the fuck out”
→ they both found god—in the form of an NDA and a criminal fucking defense firm

holy shit—
i’m not jealous.
i’m fucking offended.

—

✦ why he “chose” the blow:

→ zero substance, zero standards
→ never called the cops
→ lets him crash, burn, and blame the lighting
→ finds his mood swings “passionate” because she’s never seen real intimacy in her life
→ downgraded because she claps when he lies and calls it “emotional depth.”

—

✦ why goblin stays:

→ thinks trauma makes a man “deep”
→ confused “you’re not like my wife,” we can do drugs, for a fucking compliment
→ likes being seen with a man who’s 80% war story, 20% fentanyl ghost
→ truly believes being there during his downfall is love

—

✦ gross-ass diagnosis:
→ mirrorball masculinity meets blank-canvas goblin
→ love-bomber x mediocrity-core
→ stimulant-induced delusion spiral w/ bonus white collar roleplay
→ 🗑️ joint-branding as “high-performers” despite no actual success, ethics, or skincare

—

✦ fucking prognosis:
→ terminal delusion.
→ they’ll be posing in a couples pic at his arraignment,
→ captioned “ride or die”
→ meanwhile, i’ll be free, moisturized,
→ and filing my taxes without a felony fucking co-signer.

—

like nah.
highly fucking embarassing—
i was ready to fight a baddie.
not this dehydrated-ass background extra
with zero jawline and big
“can i speak to the manager of this dmv?” energy.

the fuck???

aka: you almost got my baby killed—
you dumb, desperate troll

✦ goddamn mirror mantra:
→ “i didn’t lose a husband.
→ i dodged a fucking class-action defendant and the yayo-goblin who funds him.”

—

you’re telling me
my whole pregnancy got turned into a frat house murder plot
because some 5’2” emotionally stunted compliance warlock
couldn’t handle rejection,
and some fake-deep instagram goblin
wanted to roleplay “the woman he really loved”
from the sidelines of a DV case?

NAH.
this wasn’t a love triangle.
this was a low-rent harem of desperate bitches funding his spiral
while trying to cover it up
as some sad ass girlboss insurance networking.

—

and they really thought
they fucked shit up—
no baby.
they inherited the goddamn wreckage.
i walked away with the timeline,
the receipts,
and the fucking villain origin story.

—

and now he’s stuck with her.
with her weird gums.
and her ski trip captions.
and her legacy sorority trauma.
and that fucking voice.

in public.

🖤🥀🧷🦷📉