how to commit marital fraud and abandon your newborn 🏃🏼‍♂️💨👶🏼💸

aka: 🍼 how to accidentally marry a sociopath while researching sperm banks

the funniest fucking part
of this whole story?
i didn’t even want to get married.
yo,
not my fucking dream.
like not even a little.
ask my ex—
it was a rebound from
losing his goddamn child.
and because
i was almost mid-thirties
i fucking spiraled.
the hubby demon knew that.
i wanted to be a mom
so fucking bad.
i was literally comparing sperm banks—
international vs. domestic—
figuring out how to have a child
alone,
peacefully,
with fucking intention.

meanwhile,
this dusty manchild
i already blocked twice
starts love-bombing
from the digital fucking grave.
friend slot: fucking revoked.
boyfriend slot: absolutely burned.
so what does he do?
he begs to have a baby with me.
yes.
i swear to fucking god.
asks for my future like it’s nbd
and when i
finally let him back in?
he walks in and
fucking proposes marriage
like it’s a fucking trap.

all him.
LITERALLY.
ALL.
HIS.
FUCKING.
IDEA.

so what does he do??
while sleeping in your bed?
living off you cleaning toilets pregnant??

…

immediately starts cheating.
immediately starts lying.
immediately starts siphoning my savings.

AND THEN?

STARTS KICKING MY ASS.

while i’m pregnant, he’s:

💋 posted at some busted-ass female coworkers’ apartment till midnight
💋 using again behind my back
💋 crashing out on some troll’s couch DAILY instead of taking his army reserve seriously
💋 literally failing MEPS which would have given us healthcare
💋 driving around in my paid off car for plug runs + totaling that shit
💋 stealing cash advances off my credit cards while evidently chilling w/ my future financial rep
💋 in ongoing / non-stop contact with his female co-worker who avoids me
💋 let’s her sign on to our financial portfolio while she’s giving him large amounts of cash
💋 revoking his GI bill transfer after i drained all my tuition money on his “career”
💋 beating me so severely i end up in the ER days before our daughter is born

(right after he re-upped at the plug, on record)

all while i’m the one:

✦ working two jobs while pregnant
✦ paying for everything
✦ covering all the car costs
✦ taking care of his untrained 150-pound dog
✦ trying to keep our child alive inside me
✦ quietly being financially and physically abused
✦ throwing up constantly throughout

🏚️🤷🏼‍♂️🥃🍺

then he almost
strangles me to death
while i’m pregnant.
like actually chokes me out.
and i still can’t escape,
nah he won’t leave—
because…the baby.
BECAUSE I’M TRAPPED,
and he won’t vacate the condo—
without punching me repeatedly.

fuck,
so immediately after birth??
we move across the fucking country,
to my parents’ house for safety.
because he also drained everything—
i go into fucking survival mode.
he goes into straight gremlin mode.

and THEN
right before he ghosts his whole family,
he links up with my best friend,
a female with the exact same stimulant problem
who also lies about it,
who cheats and already fucks married men,
like it’s a fucking relapse romance
at a fucking NA meeting.
of course,
they start acting weird.
baby,
they’re contacting each other,
behind my back,
for weeks—
and suddenly he says he’s

“moving to texas for more money.”

💩👨🏼🤠

bro doesn’t
move to texas.
he walks directly into a second family.
no divorce.
no call.
no contact with his child.
i’m talking zero communication
unless it’s to his mommy,
who i’m texting to
update about his child,
like this is an episode of
Unsolved fucking Mysteries.

nah,
he straight up disappears
into his new bullshit spiral
while i’m caring for a newborn
and a fucking felony report.
he’s arrested
months later
and still doesn’t check on his daughter.

like…bro

comes within 10 minutes of her,
and runs back to texas
to party with his side bitch
while on fucking bond
because she doesn’t make him
get sober
to be around her children.

who’s also seemingly…
fucking married??????????

…

and then
she
posts it
in
fucking
public
because she’s that fucking stupid.

holy shit.

nice.

👻✨🇨🇱

what kind of psychopath does that?
the kind who weaponizes empathy.
the kind who proposes to avoid accountability.
the kind who treats
parenthood
like a fucking prop
and marriage like a financial fraud pipeline.

i didn’t marry him
because i believed in forever.
fucking please—
i married him because
he sold me a lie so specific
it had a fucking crib in it.

and i’m a loyal ass bitch.

but the most foul shit?
he never showed up again.
not for me.
not for her.
not even for him-fucking-self.

👨🏼👋🏼...⏳

he looks terrible.
like a fucking old-ass rave troll
that is quickly out-aging the party scene
he thinks he still looks
cool participating in—
homie, you’re like middle-aged,
and have a baby at home
and a wife in law school,
you promised to support—
and you’re out partying
with the most desperate bitch
on planet earth
who would even entertain
such a dude,
so fucking stoked
she recreated her entire social platform
around someone else’s husband.
crazy level shit.
but congrats my bloated and bleached king,
you had it all,
and decided
being a drug addict
and a fucking coward
was more worth it—

over dad
over bro with a backbone—
over a non-piece of shit.

babe,
you’re the most pathetic of them all.

👨🏼👎🏼

a man who tricks a woman
into pregnancy
marriage
and a life
and then abandons her
with his debt
and two years of below-par sex???

🌈 ?????
probably.

thanks you fucking troll.

🧾 character: failed.
🍼 fatherhood: abandoned.
📉 manhood: fucking fraudulent.
🏆 most likely to end up in jail over child support.

my dude…
do you even feel…
the embarrassment??
or is it
numbed the fuck out
by all the drinking,
awkward ass raves,
concerts,
herpes-filled make-out sessions—
the fucking blow
and ran through pussy?

👑