babe—this shit was a purge. not a resurrection.

that shit has been dead.
and i do not give a fuck.

this book is a graveyard.

no,
i’m not crying anymore.
and if you see tears now?
they’re runoff.

from everything
i poured out
while you were busy
not showing up.

i know you wanna say
yeah—
blah blah blah
she’s just a bitch.
just going through it

yeah bitch,
have been.

“friendship isn’t a tally.”
lol ok

cuz

my side: cvs-receipt length shit.
yours: that one time you grabbed weed and coffee.

so yeah, i cried.
draining my last ounce of loyalty hurts.
but read the slip, babe—

i showed up.

the big shit.
the boring shit.
the breakdowns,
the bullshit,
the bad days you only told me about
when everyone else
had somewhere else to be.

and
did you miss the notice
where—
i told you i had no one.

that,
i showed up
and i knew—
one day,
i’d fall.
and when i did,
i wouldn’t have anyone to catch me.

!!!!!!!

i had one parent.
with cancer.
across the fucking country.

!!!!!!!

so i invested.
in all of you.
hoping that if the floor ever dropped out,
someone
would look me in the eye
and say:
i’ve got you.

but instead,
you looked behind me
like someone else was coming.

and when you saw
there was no one there—
you just shrugged.
and dipped.
back to your full-stack support systems.

siblings.
spouses.
in-laws.
new homies.
family group chats.
holiday invites.
who the fuck ever.

you always had something to go back to.
and i didn’t.
that was the whole point.

and when it was my turn to fall?
you let me hit the ground.
and blamed gravity.

don’t act shocked
that i’m writing it down.

this isn’t drama.
this is the death certificate
and the cause of extinction?
abandonment.

and now?
sure.
summon the fucking troops
to fight me?

let’s go.
i’m here.
bare-knuckled.
alone.
still standing.
with a baby on my back
and smoke still clinging to my skin
from the last fire i walked through—

but still.

you need an army
just to take me down.

because my diary hurts to read.

you need to mock me.
make me feel small.

fine.
stand in formation.
try.

i’m right here.
and i’ve already survived
what you couldn’t handle
with backup.

so yeah—
thanks for the love.
and also?

fuck you.

🖤