law school: america’s softest bitches

(aka: america’s softest bitches running the legal system)

yo.
y’all are silly.
i just encountered an entire law firm
that practices homeowners association law.

i am not shitting you.

not a side hustle.
not pro bono.
not “we dabble in housing rights.”

no.

a dedicated, brick-and-mortar firm
where grown adults—
with bar cards and benefits—
spend all day
writing legal threats about
windchimes and trash pickup schedules.

what kind of legal bullshit is this?

bro.
how is this a psych profile?
how did the jd pipeline lead to this???

here’s how:

📌 95% of y’all were born into this and still turned out useless.

📌 3 out of 4 law students? straight-up legacy babies.

📌 your LSAT score literally rises with your parents’ income.
(congrats on your generational vocabulary.)

📌 rich kids get tutors, editors, therapists, bar prep, bar tabs, and backup plans.
the rest of us get panic attacks and a single highlighter.

📌 first-gen students?
twice as likely to leave with over $120k in debt—
and ten times more likely to actually give a fuck.

and babe?

it shows.

like.
seriously.
really can smell the frailty
because:
some of y’all are just doing whatever.
no vision.
no mission.
just
“idk i guess i’ll be a lawyer” energy.
“my dad’s making me.”
”it’s my family legacy.”

what?

babe.
you’re a whole adult.
if you don’t wanna be here—
don’t.
like, please?

people want to be here.

and look—
if you clawed your way in
like some of us?
this shit hurts.
it’s soul-crushing.
it’s wildly unaffordable.
it’s not built
for the unprivileged.

we are surviving it.
on fumes.
on cold cereal.
on pure delusion
and late-night breakdowns.

but you?
you’re a soft little bitch.
and you know it.
you’ve never been hungry
a day in your life.
you got in with a rec letter
from someone named “chip.”

some of y’all really aspire
to wake up,
open your inbox,
and say:
“let’s ruin someone’s day over an
unauthorized succulent garden.”

like.
baby—
this is law.
this is what you’re doing
with a whole-ass jd.

bitch.
you could be fighting ICE.
you could be suing the state.
you could be throwing flames at genocide,
writing legal diss tracks in the form of amicus briefs.
you could be standing with Palestine
in court filings so savage they ban you from LinkedIn.
you could be on the ground doing
impact litigation that keeps people alive.

but instead?
you’re gatekeeping mailbox paint.
you’re going to war over a
fkn garden gnome babe.

are you dead inside?
because i would be.

what was even the point?

this is who’s running the legal system:
a bunch of soft,
prestige-chasing little bitches
who don’t know why they’re here
but definitely want a corner office
with a view of a parking garage.

congrats, babe.
you really made it.
daddy is proud.

✶✶✶