💥 why wives getting their asses beat is the military’s 🪖🇺🇸 fucking problem.

not a vibe. not a one-off. a pattern.

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🧠 fact: veterans are 2–3x more likely to commit intimate partner violence (IPV) than civilians.
→ that number jumps for combat vets, especially special forces or infantry-trained.
→ and no, it’s not because their wives are “crazy.” it’s because war breaks people.

🇺🇸 fact: the military tracks suicide and PTSD—but barely touches DV.
→ 1 in 3 female military spouses report abuse.
→ 1 in 4 military women experience sexual assault—by other servicemembers.
→ 40%+ of substantiated DV cases in the military result in no criminal charge or separation.

📉 fact: most bases prioritize optics over intervention.
→ commanders can ignore or “informally handle” DV complaints.
→ most survivors report retaliation or career damage when they report their abuser.
→ military court-martial for DV? rare. outcomes are: counseling, demotion, relocation. not accountability.

đź’° fact: VA + DoD benefits still flow to abusers post-separation.
→ restraining order? doesn’t stop the direct deposit.
→ dependent pay? gets pocketed while the survivor is left applying for food stamps.
→ DV charges? he can still access Tricare, GI Bill, and disability while financially choking out his wife.
→ military service is the only job in america where beating your wife doesn’t stop your paycheck.

🩸 fact: strangulation + pregnancy assault = lethality indicators.
→ DV victims are 750% more likely to be killed by their abuser if strangled once.
→ pregnancy abuse is one of the top predictors of homicide.
→ and both are common in combat vets w/ untreated trauma.

🕳 fact: “combat conditioning” overlaps with coercive control.
→ isolation? standard op.
→ surveillance? learned skill.
→ dehumanization? trained in that shit.
→ rage cycles? buried under “discipline.”
→ the man you trained for war is not harmless when he comes home.

📦 fact: the VA has a “domestic violence coordinator” in fucking theory.
→ most spouses never hear from them.
→ most DV survivors in military families don’t even know that’s a resource.
→ and if they do? they’re told: “go to the family advocate.” aka: the military’s HR for bruises.

⚖️ fact: the U.S. military is functionally exempt from the systems that hold civilians accountable.
→ no mandatory reporting.
→ no public records.
→ no fucking transparency.
→ and a thousand-page NDA culture where silence is loyalty and those who report are “unstable.”

đź’€ conclusion:
you created this.
you trained him.
you ignored the signs.
you paid them.
and when his wife ends up in cover,
with a baby and a fucking trauma file—
you still call him a soldier. 🪖

it’s not a domestic issue.
it’s fucking institutional.

🇺🇸

Samantha Lee Lowe

sammie lowe is a single mom, law student, and founder of bodhi cleaning co.—an ethical, femme-forward cleaning collective rooted in fairness, ritual, and rage. born from survival and built with purpose, her work redefines what it means to clean house—physically, emotionally, and systemically. she blends practicality with a little bit of magic, runs on justice and white vinegar, and believes that women shouldn’t have to choose between making money and making meaning. this isn’t a side hustle. it’s a standard.

http://sammielowe.com/
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accessory after the fact: the most classic enablers of violence against women 🪦👏🏻

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