why i fuck with republicans— fairly hard 🫡

i know,
i know.
pick your fucking jaw
off the floor,
babe.

hear me out.

🇺🇸

first,
all my cards on the table:
i’m a thousand-percent
progressive.
i want
healthcare,
housing,
schools,
and gun safety
that actually work.
i want women + kids +
survivors + workers protected
with bills,
not vibes.
i want systems
that stop
eating people a-fucking-live.

and still—
i fuck with republicans.
fairly hard.
here’s the part
some of y’all
pretend not to understand:

1) politics is a full-time phd brain melt

like any science,
political science
is a hydra.
you don’t
“get it” once.
you wrestle it
forever.
i have the gov degree.
i’m in law school.
it’s still
complicated as fuck.

so spare me
the bullshit certainty.
most people
are doing fucking triage
with limited time,
limited info,
and unlimited
fucking costs.
respect that.

2) language is code.
and liberals love a private speech.

we’ve done
a dogshit job
educating this country,
yes.
but people
aren’t dumb—
they’re decoding
survival at scale.

when your “movement”
talks like a white paper
ate a fucking thesaurus,
you’re not being smarter.
you’re being fucking inaccessible.
if your code
only compiles
for grad seminars,
your coalition is five people
and a fucking notepad.
say it plain fucking english
or enjoy losing,
repeatedly.

3) identity ≠ ideology
(and environment is a mother)

people don’t vote
like textbooks.
they vote like families,
towns,
traumas,
churches,
paychecks,
and timelines.
i’ve met republicans
who are absolute angels—
faith-driven,
show-up-with-a-truck-
and-a-check kind of angels.
got a fucking gun.
i’ve met liberals
who ghost when it’s time
to carry a fucking box,
hold a baby,
or sign their goddamn name.
and i’m not saying
every conservative
is a saint
or every progressive
is a fucking clown.
i’m saying labels
are the worst predictors
of basic character.

4) dehumanization is lazy politics

the more you
other people
without speaking to them,
the more you
guarantee
you’ll never build anything
beyond your own homies.
call people in.
ask hard questions.
fucking listen to them.
break bread,
not bones.
you don’t have to
abandon your values
to talk to your neighbors.
you do have to
grow the fuck up.

5) what i respect in republicans (yes, i said it)

plain talk.
fewer TED-talk riddles,
more
“here’s the problem,
here’s the plan.”

duty brain.
a belief—sometimes
corny as hell,
often useful—
that you owe
your people something.

mutual aid
without the hashtag.
church ladies
feeding families
before any grant clears.

boundaries.
not every line
is “violence.”
some lines are just…
fucking lines.

none of this means
i co-sign cruelty,
culture-war idiot shit,
or punching down.
miss me with that.
i’m not trading
rights for vibes.

6) what i expect from liberals (and don’t always get)

material help.
show up,
not just “signal.”

clarity.
if your idea
needs a footnote forest,
rewrite it, dipshit.

courage.
real stakes,
real risk,
not just fucking
tik-toks or
retweets.

accountability.
if your “values”
evaporate when
it’s inconvenient,
you don’t have values.
you have branding.

7) both things are true

i can fight
for progressive policy
every damn day
and still say,
with my whole little chest:
some of the most decent,
save-your-ass humans
i’ve had
were republican.
some of the slimiest,
performative “allies”
were liberal.
if that sentence
fried your brain,
go outside
and touch a voter.

8) what i’m actually loyal to

outcomes over aesthetics.
did we feed the kid
or just draft
a mission statement?

truth in short words.
say the hard thing
fucking plainly.

who shows up.
i measure you
by the ride or die,
not the bumper sticker.

no cruelty.
non-negotiable.
if your politics requires
a target
to feel alive,
that’s not policy—
that’s a personality disorder.

9) coalition > cult

if the goal
is a country that functions,
then the assignment
is coalition,
not cult purity.
coalition means
you will not love
every hymn
in the fucking hymnal.
cool.
sing the ones
that keep people
breathing.

10) receipts from my life

i’ve watched church folks
move like first responders
before the state
remembered our names.
i’ve watched “progressives”
duck out
when the asks got real.
i’ve seen “feminist” men
put hands on women
while tweeting
liberation fucking poetry.
in my world,
the republican aunties
brought cookies
and court rides.
that counts.

—

so yeah:
i’m progressive as hell.
and i fuck with
good republicans—
the ones who show up,
speak straight,
and defend the vulnerable
in goddamn practice,
not performance.

if that offends you,
ask yourself
why you need
the fucking costume
more than the courage.

quote me on it.
and while you’re at it,
show up with a truck.

🫡

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