✶ liar olympics 🏅🥇🥈🥉
✶ welcome to the liar olympics ✶
please rise for the national anthem of gaslighting 🎶✨
the competitors 🏅🥇🥈🥉
🏅russell williams
↳ not technically an olympian
↳ but he carried the torch.
↳ later convicted of murdering two women
↳ and multiple sexual assaults.
🏅oscar pistorius
↳ (south africa, track & field, paralympic gold / 2012 olympics)
↳ shot and killed his girlfriend reeva steenkamp
↳ on valentine’s day 2013.
↳ convicted of murder.
🏅rohan dennis
↳ australian olympic cyclist sentenced in may 2025
↳ for causing the death of his wife (aka ran her fucking over)
↳ fellow olympic cyclist melissa hoskins.
🏅u.s. olympic wrestling world
↳ has had domestic violence/murder cases
↳ tied to coaches and wrestlers.
🏅my fucking husband
.
.
🏆 judges will award points for:
✦ audacity,
✦ shameless financial deception,
✦ and how many times he said it
—with a straight fucking face.
fucking spoiler alert:
my husband
fucking dominated
every fucking event. 🥇🤡
💀🔥 first game—
your most audacious untruth
in ranking order of hindsight hilarity:
or—which lie had
the biggest fucking balls?
🥇 “team strategy at her condo” → group project?
↳ babe, you’re 30.
↳ this isn’t 10th grade bio.
🥈 “special surprise on the way home” → yeah
↳ a soggy fucking 7-11 donut
↳ at 1am.
↳ romance is fucking dead.
🥉 “bonus hits next week” → lmfao
↳ the only thing hitting is fucking overdraft fees.
🏅 “location glitched” → funny
↳ your map only breaks
↳ when your pants are presumably fucking down.
🏅 “8 minutes out” → cool
↳ then why is it over an hour later?
↳ cheater math not mathing.
🏅 “brewery networking” → oh word
↳ networking with alcohol.
↳ when you’re supposed to be sober—
↳ professionalism ✨.
🏅 “starbucks too lol” → my $7 latte ≠ your $53 fucking office date
↳ with my house cleaning money?
↳ fucking sick.
🏅 “she’ll babysit for us” → oh word?
↳ babysitting offers from the homicide catalyst?
↳ yo, this was actually fucking insane.
🏅 “almost home” → nah
↳ almost fucking believable.
🏆🏆🏆:
“i quit my job for us” → fucking translation:
↳ after you, my wife, invested thousands—
↳ sidechick started acting like a fucking weirdo
↳ couldn’t keep her blatant weird-ass jealousy in check
↳ mid holiday party,
↳ probably mid affair,
↳ in front of my wife
↳ & her fucking boyfriend
↳ shit, she’s becoming a liability—
↳ and my wife + baby didn’t die…yet
↳ so now:
↳ his dumbass brain short circuits like—
✦ “fuccccck”
✦ this girl is obsessed
✦ i lied so much = can’t get rid of her
✦ and my wife is most fucking definitely gunna find out
✦ and i’m not actually gunna leave her—
✦ and i don’t even honestly want this chick (aka: not a trophy wife)
✦ i just love fucking attention—and her money
✦ and shit, i’m a compuslive fucking cheater
✦ a straight fucking adrenaline junkie / addict.
well goddamn.
can’t help it.
lmfao.
aka:
got caught,
bailed fucking hard,
wants a fucking medal.
and we have—
a fucking winner.
🔥🏛️🇺🇸
✶ translation ✶
not a husband,
not a provider.
a fucking predator.
with a—🔥🏆
✨gold fucking medal✨
—in fucking around
and finding the fuck out.
or: 🔥
a broke man
with a fucking donut
and targeted deathwish
due to—
his own fucking regrets.
.
.
final score:
🏆 10/10 in deception,
💀 0/10 in fucking fatherhood,
💸 100/10 in fucking audacity.
