compliance horror stories, vol. 3: ✶ bro, from texting? → $16.5M 🤯💸
aka: “wait… for what???” 💸
classification: ☠️ regulatory humiliation · corporate fratboy energy · fucking divine justice
offender code: ✶ firm-who-shall-not-be-named
damn, kings
frat-boy-level-lack-of-supervision,
am i right? 💸🤑💰
noooOooOoOooo
stop.
shut the actual fuck up.
babe.
these full-ass
fucking fiduciaries— 🤑🎪
got caught… 💬 texting
for sixteen million dollars.
(!!!)
💀👑
like—what??
yo?
like 3 seconds ago??
seriously?
hold up.
wait.
it’s too fucking stupid.
like—
not me deep in my
lil ✨life is a crime scene✨ era
and finding out…
2024…
some legacy financial firm
with corny white-boy headshots
and really shitty taste in men…
got absolutely
body slammed 💪
by the SEC for—
wait for it…
💅 texting on the wrong phone.
like... that was the crime.
🧾 “recordkeeping failures”
💬 “off-channel communications”
🙈 “failed supervision”
📵 “employees using personal phones
to talk about money shit
they were supposed to be tracking”
yo.
are you
fucking serious?
🤯🤯
🤯🤯
🤯🤯
so like,
babe—
is this your thing?
just like—give no fucks?
even after that fine?
babe—the…highest?
$16.5 MILLION.
with an m.
for... not saving texts.
and shit?
LMFAO. 💀
and not just any firm.
no no no.
not just one.
three matching frat bro subsidiaries
in matching little fuckboi blue blazers.
🏌️🏌️🏌️
fucking around.
like triplets of incompetence.
💀🪦
bro—so,
they admitted it.
they paid that shit.
and then they swore they’d like…
totally try harder next time.
L O L
🤝🕊️💀
(i’m SCREAMING)
baby…
they weren’t just messy af.
they were group chat guilty.
like
🧠 “yeah let’s do wealth management”
💅 “but make it ✨undocumented✨”
meanwhile.
me?
🚩 flagging emails
🚩 begging compliance to stop fucking around
🚩 sending literal venmo screenshots
like… yo… you see this?
LMFAO.
how did you let this happen…
again
immediately (?!)
like—
bro, the timeline?
SAME TIME
YOU’RE IN COURT LIKE
“lol—yo, we are truly so sorry 🥺👉👈
we swear… never again.”
bro—you just had to babysit
your own fucking
fully-developed-adults.
🤡🤑🎪
but naaaahh.
PINGPINGPING $$$
my rep? =
⚡ venmo’s
⚡ facetimes
⚡ personal texts
seriously, wtf is this?
✨ corporate accountability
never looked so stupid.
so…?
lol undisclosed
“hey” 💰⚡ → $16.5M
ok.
🗣📢
🗣📢
🗣📢
👇
yo—
SEC,
come get ‘em—
babe.
this financial frat
🥇 learned absolutely fucking nothing.
