insurance greek life for the terminally mid 🏛️💀

fuck your club, fuck your secrets, fuck your legacy

—

yo, honestly.
every time i check
the receipts
i get a little more
pissed the fuck off. 🔥🧨💥

here’s the thing
about you little
mid-level
wannabe power players:
aka: 🐀📈🧢 🧃

y’all thought 💡—
i was gunna disappear. 🫥
yo—
cuz most wives would have?
that was the plan, right?
god damn. so—
draft me, 😐✨
rob me, 😐✨
laugh about it 😐✨
in your dead little ass
cubicle-boy golf club?
💀
lol.
nah.
i don’t fucking think so.

so let’s really break down the delusion:

what do you get
when you cross
the world’s saddest frat,
a linkedin support group,
and the off-brand
wolf of wall street fucking cosplay?
🏛️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️
these fuckers.
💀💀💀

…
cool, dude.

💀🥇

every guy here?
never pulled a girl
sober in his life. ✨

bro,
the funny thing?
i was never gunna—
shut the fuck up.
lol—
y’all smirking about how
“some wives are so crazy?”
🔪🥲
nah.
y’all really fucked
with the wrong bitch.
🤡🤡🤡
because—
lol. fuck that.
let’s get forensic bitches.

because honestly?
this shit is pathetic.
and fucking disgusting.
and you need
✨ consequences
for your
fucking actions ✨
and i’m a little
fucking angry.
🙃✨

because—for real?
i’m gunna hold
every single one of you
fuckers
accountable
for your huge fucking
fiduciary failures.
🙃💵🔪

—

babe—
what you really built?
a knockoff frat
🏛️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧢
for mediocre-ass people
with inherited money 💰🍼
and weaponized fucking boredom.
all those late-night
strategy sessions—
was that before or after
you split the venmo
for gaslighting a pregnant woman?
it’s a club for
🏆 the never-hot,
🏆 the never-cool,
🏆 the never-interesting,
🏆 the suck-ups,
the never fucking had
one single fucking original thought crew
the ones who peaked at
“sheriff and fucking loser”
not even evil-genius-villains.
just terminally fucking basic.

bro—✨👨‍⚖️

the men?
fuck. like—
pathetic.
🐀📈🧢
the kind of sad
that clings to punk,
like they didn’t grow up
with two parents
and a fucking nanny.
boujie-ass vacations and shit.
my guy—
your only real flex
is running a client-list
with your dad’s name on it.
🧃💼🛴
living proof—
you can buy a linkedin premium
but not a personality.
every “shark” in this office
is a guppy with a vape
and a family lawyer on speed-dial.
jesus fucking christ.
i’m already annoyed. 🧨

the women?
lol.
the most basic bitches ever.
you’re what happens
when pick-me energy goes unchecked
and un-fucking-moisturized.
💅🥴💔
no threat,
no mystery,
just a revolving door
of side characters
trying to get cast as “the cool girl”
in a club no one wants to join.
bad bitch energy?
🤡
lol girl,
it’s giving,
talked shit on her own bestie
to get a boy to like her.
👠👹
ew.
complicit,
jealous,
basic—
always down bad
for the sloppiest men in the room. 🫡
if the glass ceiling ever breaks in here
it’s just gonna fall on you,
like damn—
and you’ll thank the guy who dropped it.
like—wow, thanks babe.

and the culture? 🐍
peak mid.
every happy hour,
a networking event
for the emotionally bankrupt.
every group selfie,
a cry for fucking help.
you brag about “running denver”
but you can’t even run
your own fucking firm.
imagine thinking you’re dangerous
because you upsell whole life
to a fucking teacher’s aide.
bro, no one in the real world—
thinks this shit is cool.
trust me.

what did you actually accomplish?
you engineered a little
trauma circle jerk—
a low-level dating app
for the insurance-mid-tier
desperate type
💋💸🤝
fucking attempted
to bulldoze over
a pregnant woman
who 💅 outmaneuvered you
in every metric but family money.
you truly,
truly— 😈
fucked with the wrong one,
and now you’re gonna eat
your own groupthink bullshit.

i want you to know—
🫵 every dollar,
🫵 every “awkward” coverup,
🫵 every ugly DM,
i’m counting it up.
i want you to see me
do the math,
because every fucking penny
is coming out of
🫵 your trust funds,
🫵 out of your portfolios.
🫵 out of your fucking equity.
💸🏦📉
and i hope you feel it
every time you check your balance
and remember
you can’t expense fucking shame
or liability.

✍️ here’s the part
you should really remember:

babe!
those big brags?
✨💸
the cash,
the petty material crap,
the legacy shit,
the fake status delusion—
you used,
to feel
🙃 above me.
babe, perfect.✨
i’m coming for all of it. 💋

and no babe—
not because i’m a bitch—
nah, not at all.
because after what you did?
you need
a fucking ✨ reality check.
lesson incoming.
penalty fucking due.
i almost died 🖕
LIKE—
TRULY.
because your little mid-ass
insurance wolfpack
needed to feel
fucking relevant.

🖕🖕🖕

let’s cut the fucking shit.

💥 fuck your family.
💥 fuck your frat.
💥 fuck your financial firm.

babe, i’m here for my cut.

i was dead inside before you started.
now i’m just pissed. 😈🙃
and i hope you wake up
every day
with my name
in your fucking nightmares.
👻💅

because—
hey.
y’all?

you sweating?
lol. 🙃
cuz girl.

i’m coming
FOR FUCKING
ALL OF IT.

💋

🏛️💥