girl, i’m crying in a wal✶mart parking lot

holy fucking shit
i’m not even gonna lie—
i ugly cried in a
walmart
parking lot today
in my fucking car.
yo.
maybe i make
this shit look
fine. 🪷🧘🏼‍♀️
(mostly pissed?)
but honestly,
this shit is
fucking war.
like—
i sat there
full ass sobbing.
like a fucking asshole
just trying to
print out
400 pages
of fucking bullshit.

babe—
i just wanted a fucking hug
and instead
i got absolutely skullfucked
by a $33 overdraft
for buying
fucking
printer ink.

🗣🗣
cuz babe!
🗣🗣
that car insurance?
you absolutely fucked?
pulled $700 out today
the credit card was $150
cuz you know,
food. 💸
and sweetie—
my actual legal husband? ✨
the fucker
is busy
skipping around 🤸✨👨‍⚖️
the fucking city
🗽👮✈️
like a fucking asshole
🤨🏳‍🌈?
avoiding
deadbeat dad jail
for absence
of fucking
child support
payments—
fucking ever.
🏆✨👑

yo,
and probably
with some fucking gremlin 🐀
who encouraged✨ him
fucking emotionally
and PING PINGingly 💸🤑💰✨
to
almost
fucking
end my fucking life.
🥀🪦⚰️

WHAT THE FUCK.

yeah.
not a fucking metaphor.
not cute.
not poetic.
literal hp-brand poverty dye
to print out 400+ pages
of legal evidence
so i can prove—
drumroll—

🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣
that a mid-tier financial firm
fucked me sideways
while i was pregnant
and then handed my account
to the dude’s office side chick
as an extra “go fuck yourself”
🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣

like congrats
on surviving
fucking full on
two hands around
your fucking throat
manual strangulation
👏👏👏👏
(third trimester, babe 🏆)
here’s a
conflict-of-interest
with a fucking trust fund
and zero fucking shame
to manage your financial portfolio 💋

and bro—
the good printer? ✨
the laser one?
the one i bought
while still delusional enough
to believe in
home equity and family??
still in a fucking box—
in my dad’s fucking basement
alongside my entire fucking closet
aka 20 years of curated,
hot-bitch outfits
i can’t touch ✨
because god forbid
i try to access
the literal fucking belongings
because
i had to
flee for our fucking safety.

meanwhile
i have a legal oral
presentation tomorrow
and i’m choosing between
leggings with dried tears
or a cropped tank
that looks like
complex fucking PTSD. 💔
but yeah.
let’s perform professionalism.

lol!
today
i had 3 hours.
three fucking hours.
to do two weeks
of legal,
academic,
domestic,
and emotional labor
and instead
i spent it
driving
to
two
different
fucking places
trying to find one—
just one—
that could print
400 fucking pages
of lawsuit paperwork
before i finally said
fuck it (!!!!!!!)
and sobbed in my car
like a fucking chick
who someone gives
an actual
fucking
fuck
about.

👼🏼 (yo. my few true angels, forgive me, i love you)

but you wanna know
the worst fucking part?

yoooooooo.
REALLY.
i just wanted a fucking hug.
💔💔💔
like for real.
not dick.
not romance.
not attention.
just a fucking hold.
full on arms wrapped around me.
just one second
of being physically not-alone
in a world
that has done
nothing but
fucking obliterate me.

and i couldn’t
even
visualize it. 💔💔💔
no man’s arms
came to mind.
not a single
fucking
one.
(now i’m crying lol)
every past hug?
fucking poisoned.
every man?
a fucking threat,
a fucking liar,
or a walking unpaid fucking invoice.
there is no safe
set of arms
left in my brain.
no one to collapse into.
no fucking shield.
no fucking softness.
just me.
and a $33 overdraft
(actually $-152
by the time
i got home
and the clothes dryer
repair invoice
hit the account)
because
BRO
i needed ink
to fight a fucking financial giant.

and my own
fucking husband.

because instead of protecting me
he fucking stabbed me in the fucking back.
🙃✨🔪

just like the rest of them.
🫶🏻🥹❤️‍🩹

but best part?
yo—
i’m still gonna fucking win.
on E, bro.
in a hoodie i hate.
with tears dried
on my fucking chin
and highlighters
i bought
with fucking quarters.

because fuck.
all i got left
is the kind of
un-fucking-hinged stamina
that makes corporate giants
shit their fucking pants.

so yeah.
i’m fucking broke.
i’m fucking exhausted.
i’m absolutely fucking inkless.
and i’m still gonna
eat them the fuck alive.
✋😃

fuck.
every.
single.
fucking.
one of them.
especially those
fucking bastards at hp.
ink prices bro?
shit should be a fucking crime.

✶