shout out to my dude from corp: paul 🙂💼🔥
(or:
how i survived
a surprise deposition
by a senior litigator 👨💼✍️
& his
emotionless stenographer 🤨📸
disguised as a
“safety meeting”)
🥀
paul.
first off—
what the fuck is up?
🙌✨🌈
how you been?
good?
good.
i know you’re
a big fan 💁♂️
of my public work.
📱🥊💪
second,
you’re funny as fuck.
mad respect 💫
for whatever the fuck 🔥
that was—
and the epic legal shitshow.
to recap:
my homies ⚖️🐍
aka: corp level legacity—
claimed
it was
a meeting
to address
my safety concerns.
(as per my
attached
fucking email)
✨
i showed up
obviously alone.
my dude
brought
an investigator 🤫✍️✨
aka:
his emotional support witness 🥹🫶
ok so.
did he give me
any information
pertinent to the conflict?
absolutely
the fuck not. 💀💼
nada,
no date.
no disclosure.
no info,
just fucking vibes. ✌
nah.
for like one second?
we’re chill,
cool,
calm—
then BAM
🚨🚨🚨
five minutes in,
i’m being interrogated
like i’d
just committed a
fucking felony level
insurance con 💫—
bro uno reversed me, 🔄
when this shit
was about
my own
fucking murder arc.
lol. the legal mixtape 🎶
⭐ “not sure what difference the date makes.”
⭐ “she doesn’t recall saying that.”
⭐ (out of nowhere) “sexual relationship?”
⭐ “did you even serve the other defendants?”
bro—me: 🫠💀.
so i’m like…
yo, “this shit would look bad in front of a jury.”
nah—he did not laugh.
🤡🍿
but his investigator—
who i’m still
80% sure
was a mannequin
from corporate—
shifted in her chair,
which, 💫
in lawyer body language,
is a fucking scream. ✨
anyway—
the fuck?
then my boy told me
to call a 1-800 number. 🤔
for policies
that are central
to the fucking claim.
👉😏👈
yo—💀
this is
clown
shit,
paul.
👇👆
because—
yo,
WHAT
are we even doing?
(jogs in a legal circle)
🎠🎡🎪🎲🃏🎉
wild.💫🤡
but sure.
1-800-it’s-giving-liability.
🔥
anyway—
🥺👉👈
he’s like:
🧌💰 “you’re just here for money.”
(???)
again,
paul.
what the fuck—are we doing?
🤡🍿🍦🎪🎈
so i’m like—
(that’s so funny) 💫
BUT ACTUALLY: ✋
”i’m here for justice.
and egregious misconduct.”
✨⚖️🦅
(yo, like i legit had con law class
in like…20 fucking minutes, lol) 😑
✨conclusion:
if this is how
billion-dollar firms
try to scare
pro se
dv survivors—
out of lawsuits,
they should
really consider
not
visibly
spasming—
at the word
finra.✨
“but FINRA…” 👻
…
(bro 💀 nearly levitated off camera.)
🤬😡😤
“NO NO NO—”
(threatens to shut shit down)
yo.
damn, bro—
relax.
🫶🏻🥹❤️🩹💀
anyway.
keep sending your best. 🔥
✶
(finra 👻)
boo!
👻💫💸✨💀
