✶ mini-series: civil conspiracy edition ✨✋😬🤚 pt. 2 my pregnant wife beat me up
burnbook mini-series ✶ civil conspiracy edition
part 2 ✶ ✨the “my pregnant wife beat me” defense™✨
aka: “we believe women… unless he’s kinda charming or some shit.”
—
ok.
first off,
my demonic other half
repeatedly 💫✨
threatened to fuck with me,
if i ever—
🗣️✨ said out loud
that he fucking beat my ass.
✨👑
babe.
he needed me
to “look crazy”
so he could manipulate
all these dumbasses—
to believe this full grown man
was the one in peril.
😮
lol. bro straight
lost his shit—
threatening:
✦ defamation cases,
✦ collaborated lying,
✦ bold ass—
intimidation tactics
to reverse the narrative💫—
(aka darvo 101; 😩 she hit me first)
—
so this is the ✨official fucking story✨
that i
beat up
a 6’0,
~180 lb,
special ops army ranger
two time combat vet—
while 9 months pregnant,
as i was desperately attempting
to get him—
to leave my fucking condo
on the record.
✨
L
M
F
A
O.
that’s fucking stupid 💫✨
picture it:
this is what they came up with—
✨🤔💭
i’m 39 weeks.
full waddling.
throwing up fucking blood.
working 7 days a week.
no help.
zero fucking money.
he’s,
at this point—
✨not even hiding the mid-day “it’s a meeting, babe” on your debit— cocktail hours.✨
…
and y’all
really think
i suddenly
got the
tactical upper hand—
morphed into 💫
mike fucking tyson? ✨🤔
…and
clocked your
little brokeboi-hero
mid-fucking-toilet-hurl
while peeing myself????
💫✨
ok, call it what it is:
✨the “my pregnant wife beat me” defense™ ✨✋😬🤚
aka: “she made me punch her while she was fighting for her fucking life.”
—lol. you mean to tell me:
this grown ass man ✨🥺👉👈
✦ used my last $40 for gas to drive to denver—
✦ got caught mid-workday, out at a bar with “the team”
✦ constantly lied about his location
✦ cheated under a cubicle & back at her crib—
✦ defrauded me out of thousands
✦ outright screamed at me preggo, in front of his mom (she laughed)
✦ threw me into a wall while i was googling
—hyperemesis gravidarum
and your first thought was: 🤔💡🤡
🧠 “but… she immasculated her husband.”
(yes, i guess by making all the fucking money)
…🙄👏✨
🧠 “and like… what about the scratches on him?”
SCRATCHES?
😵😵😵✨
bro.
that’s standard
domestic violence response protocol💫✨
yo.
the dateline starterpack—
go rerun any fucking 20/20
🧠 “look for DNA under her nails.”
🧠 ”check him for fucking scratches”
🗣️✨ ding ding bitch.
holy shit.
the widespread delusion—
those scratches
are what happens when
you’re fighting for your fucking life ✨
in a blocked room,
after he takes your fucking phone—
against a man
who is goddamn
trained to fucking kill
and lost control. 💫
…
because he almost got caught.
🗣️✨ and i wanted—
🗣️✨ the fuck out.
but y’all made
that
the proof
that i was the danger?
instead of…
✨🤔💭
maybe, (hear me out)
🗣️✨ the dude with…
multi-layered combat trauma💫—
deep-level daddy issues,
high-risk addiction concerns,
who’s stealing large amounts of stimulants✨—
apparently 💫 drinking on the job with a female colleague—
cash advancing money off your credit card—
who’s chronically engaged in infidelity,💫
and has an obvious lack ✨
of any close, long-term
personal camaraderies—
…
🗣️✨fucking hit his wife? 🫢
naaaaaaaaaah.
✨
