i didn’t fucking know 😭

y’all think
this is a joke,
but seriously.
i didn’t know.

😭

seriously—
no fucking idea.
babe,
he punched me
into fucking black out.
and i trusted these people.
i re-enrolled in shit 😭
post estrangement.
i fucking cried
when my new rep
offered to babysit.
(and then only
solicited paperwork)
i liked that bitches
story posts—
when i actually
followed her back.

yo.
literally
no idea.

because like?
nah,
no one would do that.
that’s evil shit.

😭

so—
i am sobbing.
like actually fucking wrecked.
because it just hit me:

it was all a fraud.
the entire marriage.
the entire pregnancy.
the entire first year of being a mom.

by people i trusted.
people i bought gifts for.
people i cried to
while being choked out
behind closed doors.

😭

and they knew.
they knew.
and they fucking smiled anyway.

and i fucking believed them.

😭

two
fucking
years.
my entire fucking
living memory—
of the creation
and existence of
the only fucking family
i ever got.

and it was a fucking lie.

two years—
of being gaslit,
lovebombed,
exploited,
fucking watched.

while begging for help
and getting fucking punched
in the goddamn face.

😭😭😭😭😭😭

i didn’t see it.
because i would fucking never.
because i was trying to survive it.

but fuck—
now i do.
and i’m
never gunna
fucking unsee it again.

🥀

i trusted you—
🩷 so fuck every last one of you.