is he in the closet or just an addict? 🍌👀✨
so
i honestly
can’t resolve—
if i lost this dude
to cubicle coke chaos,
or a closeted frat-boy energy??
🍆🍑💦💫✨
was it “i’m secretly into men”?
or “i’ll literally fuck anything for another line”?
like…
maybe a…
variety pack hoe??
community club dick?
army brat but make it grinder deluxe?
no?
ok—
points on the groundđź’«
✦ zero sales but spent 40+ hours a week surrounded by dudes in khakis??
✦ 9pm “networking” sessions = blow + rage + homoerotic bro hugs?????
✦ every sentence either “bro, she’s insane” or “he’s my mentor”
✦ hyper-masculine army posturing while living off his wife’s debit card??
✦ 2010s era classification under “metro”???
no!
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
✨💊
so…closet?
addict???
dual-threat quarterback of disappointment??!
babe,
the venn diagram
is a fucking circle.
was he was either
doing blow off a desk
or blowing someone off a desk???
no!
omg so—
maybe!
whoever held the yayo,
held the fucking leash??
the “mentorship”?
her apartment + coffee table line?
greg from accounting’s fucking thighs!!!?
yes.
all of the above??!
stop it.
shut the fuck up.
can you fucking imagine??
epic goddamnn tragedy.
like bro,
be yourself.
(as long as it’s not a fucking cokehead)
but homie didn’t choose
a family,
a wife,
or even a side plug??
nah.
he chose the motherfucking product.
✨💀✨
sexual orientation: powder-based.
career path: dishonorable discharge.
life path: abandoned kid, abandoned wife, abandoned self.
💊💫✨
