the burn book.
written & silently screamed into a pillow by: sam lowe
trigger warning & disclosure:
since i would never commit fucking crimes, i’ll just write about my feelings instead.
🖤⚖️ first-amendment + anti-slapp protected: opinion, satire, and lived experience — not fucking legal advice or sworn anything.
🚫 obviously no doxxing, no threats, no contact; read at your own risk — if it’s not your vibe, babe—close the tab + fuck off
✨🖕🏻✨
“THE OFF-CHANNEL COMMS BE FULL OF DICKPIX (THE REMIX)” 🎤🔥⚡🧨 (feat. breach babe) prod. by: fuckboy mutual™ 💀🚔
(if i was a white girl from nj that rapped rn)
…
🔥🖋️💀
SHE’S UNFORTUNATELY FUCKING WHITE.
SHE’S FROM MOTHERFUCKING JERSEY.
SHE’S GOT SOME BADASS BARS,
A MOTHERFUCKING BINDER,
& A FUCKING POWERPOINT WITH BLOOD AND A TOOTH SPIT OUT ON IT.
🚔🚨❄️😵💫
—
✦
🧨💼 “THE OFF-CHANNEL COMMS BE FULL OF DICKPIX (THE REMIX)” 🎤🔥⚡🧨
(feat. breach babe & the federal rules)
prod. by: fuckboy mutual™
★ parental advisory: screenshots were preserved in accordance w/ Rule 26(b)(1) of the FRCP 😌
★ explicit version—parental advisory: this verse will end your compliance officer’s marriage
😈🔥🎤
✦🎙️ intro
🚨 ayo 🚨
welcome to fuckboy mutual™,
where we—
"gaslight you into funding your husband’s
coke-fueled fuckfest with a teammate he calls 'sheriff'"
and the benefits package includes:
💀 zero sales
💀 incomplete IRA rollovers
💀 negative $60k and a double move cross country
💀 unsupervised sex in an office chair
💀 and an iMessage thread full of dickpix, lies, and liability.
babe—💊✨
your husband’s career path? ❄️😵💫
ends in a co-worker’s pills & powder trail
and your credit score in hell. 😘
lemme talk to corporate real quick:
🎶🎤🥶
✦
🗣 grab the compliance manual,
a fucking redbull, and that bitch’s phone log
we got some motherfucking crimes to print
💊🤪💿✨❄️😵💫
✦ [verse 1]
first of all
fuck your firm, fuck your pitch
fuck the hoe who “mentored” my man and sucked dick
fuck the coke bag, fuck your deck
fuck your shitty blazer and your tech
fuck your retention call
when my mortgage was fucking wrecked
fuck your smiley reps,
fuck your training vids
you made my life collapse
so you could run up fucking bids
while i bled in a diaper,
y’all got motherfucking lit
i was eatin’ ramen, she was suckin’ tit
🎤😎💨
off my dime.
off my grind.
off my fucking trauma y’all call “decline.”
off his tbi, y’all saw a mark—
bitch i saw a victim, y’all saw a spark.
and i’m the bitch who stayed,
paid, and prayed
while he spiraled out and y’all called it “made.”
she watched my page, then stole my fate—
and y’all call that shit a fucking “clean slate?”
🎤💊🤪💿
hey baby—
first of all
i didn’t fund no career launch
nah babe
i got corporate-laundered,
call me money-laundered mommi
got played like a policy, cooked like a fucking quarterly
while cokeheads in khakis ran team meetings orally 💋
you call it “sales”?
i call it sponsored fucking felony
mentorship my ass,
she was just runnin’ pills through his identity
he was zoned out 💊✨
i was zoned the fuck in
he made zero sales
but somehow y’all still let him clock in?
💸💿🎤🔥
✦ [hook]
nah, bitch—
this ain’t petty, it’s pretrial.
you made a pipeline outta my profile.
i built that man, y’all fed his vice—
then ran my name like a motherfuckin’ heist.
you assigned my policies
to the bitch he fucked.
with no disclosure?
ho, that’s corrupt.
he was drugged up, ❄️😵💫✨
broke,
and high as fucking hell—
and y’all still called it fucking “clientelle”???
nah—
this ain’t mess.
this ain’t stress.
this is fraud, bitch.
this is theft.
you matched my file to a cokehead clown
and now i’m rappin’ in court—
while i burn shit down.
🎤🤪🔥
nah this ain't love,
this a predicate
coke in the office?
y’all federate
mentor turned mistress turned asset fucking thief—
bitch better lawyer up,
i don’t motherfucking mediate.
🤣✨
✦ [verse 2 – full disrespect]
listen
she was watchin’ my stories while venmo’ing dick
y’all called it mentoring, i call it sick.
y’all said “independent,” i say “nah bitch—
then why she in my crib on some fraud-ass shit?”
🎤🔥⚡
🗣 “he was an addict!”
cool. you fed him that powder like snacks after school—
in a breakroom cult with a predatory rule.
🗣 “it was consensual!”
cool. run the tapes, i’ll play the fool—
while you hide the blow and the office stool.
🗣 “she’s a top performer!”
cool. then why she in my crib with a form and a tool,
signin’ postpartum docs like it’s her damn jewel?
bitch, was that commission or conquest?
which one’s the motherfucking fuel?
🤣✨
nah baby—
you got caught with a wife’s whole life in the CRM,
turned her maternity leave to a pipeline scam,
and hit SEND 💌 like “oops, just fam!”
assigned her a rep with a nose full of blow,
and a husband inside her movin’ real slow—
yet somehow y’all still made a fkn slideshow
with my DUE DATE on it like, “welcome to the show?”
you HR hoes need a damn RICO pro.
✨euphoria meets embezzlement✨
✨boardroom meets basement✨
✨baby formula on backorder while you’re doin’ rails in the statement✨
🤣✨
✦ [bridge – fuck around and find out energy]
this is material nondisclosure, baby
not “oops we shady.”
this is witness intimidation
in a corporate formation.
this is white-collar fuckery with no condom on—
now i’m gettin’ paid and y’all gettin’ fucking gone.
i was crowdfundin’ groceries,
y’all threw him fucking coke
then gaslit my pain like it’s some joke
now i’m breaching y’all like an fbi file—
with a binder that slaps and a restraining style
this wasn’t “cheating,”
this was badly organized crime, 💥🚔🎤
✦ financial fraud, in corporate rhyme
✦ marital sabotage, fuckin’ sublime
✦ title IX meets RICO—bitch, read the sign.
✦ your handbook got clauses and shit for “oral time”??
✦ that’s not “mentorship,” that’s a felony line.
and bitch—
you played with a preggo wife’s fucking life,
pushed powder to a vet with a brain full of strife,
locked me out while you sharpened the knife,
and now you in court like,
“she’s hostile,” right??
nah.
👏✨😐
i read the code:
colorado § 10-3-1104,
(h)(IV), if you wanna explore—
aka “you can’t fuck my man while you settle the score 💥
by managing my policies behind a motherfucking locked door.”
and y’all yanked her file the minute i said fucking “DV”—
but no paper trail?
no warning to me??
not a single red flag in your CRM tree??
just ghosted my trauma like a fucking clean-up spree.
🤣✨
✦[finale – outro of god tier evidence bars]
now i’m exhibit A with a bluetooth mic
replayin’ the facts y’all thought weren’t typed
my trauma? notarized.
my rage? subpoenaed.
your whole branch?
gettin’ RICO'd and cleaned up.
so next time a postpartum wife calls fucking foul
and you tryna hush her with a grin and a towel?
just know:
she might be sam. 💀
she might be me.
and her next verse
might end in your fuckin’ guilty plea.
💀🤣✨
🧷 breach babe out.
court in session, bitch.
🎤💥
🧷🧷🧷
#fuckboymutual™
#breachbabe
#policyfraudprincess
#icanbeatthiscaseandstillbraidmydaughtershair
#dueprocessbutmakeitnasty
#offboardthis
#bitchhadabonusandabackdoor
#nocontactnococaine
#insuredbutunhinged
#whitegirlinlitigationmode
#depositiondaybitch
(the most unhinged shit i’ve put together in a minute)
did she “supervise” my near-death-experience and total pregnancy-era financial collapse? fucking nice. ✨👍✨
babe.
babe.
babe.
wait a fucking second.
wait.
hold the fuck on.
let me just push through
the fucking prenatal blackouts,
the head slams,
the cortisol damage,
the throat bruises,
the ER & constant heart rate spikes,
the fucking disassociation,
the fetal tachycardia,
the actual near-death experiences—
and let me just try
to remember
the original fucking thing
that gave me that
sick-ass feeling
in my chest
about this “job.”
(and also—
maybe the reason
this whole ass clown squad of
”independent contractors”
seemed to lawyer the fuck up,
a month before i even
filed my legal complaint,
LMFAO.
innocent af.)
✨👍✨
aka: deeply insidious shit.
bro.
it was her.
the original fucking supervisor.
the original fucking hoe.
the one who sat in front of me,
got every fucking detail on how—
i was pregnant.
i was PAYING.
i had fucking ASSETS
i wanted to rollover.
while i was trying to plan
a safe life
for my fucking baby.
and she took notes.
she took notes.
on me.
on my ira.
on my gi bill transfer.
on my income,
our monthly budget,
my goddamn pregnancy.
she logged into our household
like it was a fucking data mine
and then assigned herself
as the professional “on record”
handler of my—
(soon to be extremely violent)
broke ass husband
who she explicitly knew
was fucking living off of me.
and she…
never followed up.
not once.
not ever.
besides constantly “mandating”
my husband to private 1 on 1’s
and seemingly, repeatedly—
based on verbal statements,
was blocking any monthly bonuses
while apparently still
”requiring” an independent contractor
was in office for 6 months—
while having zero fucking clients
during his wife’s late-stage pregnancy.
hmmmmmmmm.
this bitch gave me the creeps.
evil power trip shit.
—
no, babe, let’s be clear—
this was some covert-level shit.
honestly, seems like—
predation by a licensed financial rep
who knew who had the assets
and then ignored the one with the assets
to keep control of the one with the dick.
and you wanna tell me
she just “forgot” to
follow up on the discussed ira?
you wanna tell me
she just “didn’t have time”
to check in with the formally induced client
while she was allegedly forcing my husband
to come in five days a week
for “mentorship”
while making zero sales
and missing
every
single
bonus
that she “personally” input?
bitch, you were not a mentor.
seemingly,
you were a fucking leash—
while he bounced around the fucking office
totally not tweaked out.
(my entire goddamn pregnancy)
y’all were around him 10x
fucking more than i was—
and bro,
the night and day shift??
obvious as fuck.
undeniable.
yet he’s retained??
babe.
if you weren’t fucking him??
you were still abusing your license
to play house
with my whole life,
while he fucking spiraled—
and simultaneously & openly
bankrupted me while pregnant.
✨👍✨
—
babygirl—
you used your position
to create dependency
control the money
and isolate him from the woman
funding the whole damn pyramid scheme.
and regulators?
regulators are gonna fucking love that one.
because this isn’t gossip.
this is a charging memo waiting to happen.
she used “supervisory power.”
to gain inside access
and complete scheduling control—
to a vulnerable family,
then financially and physically
embedded herself in it
until the entire thing fucking blew.
(and after
i got completely
choked the fuck out)
✨👍✨
—
if there’s a textbook on
how to get sued for predatory
conflict of interest,
breach of fiduciary duty,
and negligent supervision of a
most fucking definitely impaired rep,
this bitch wrote the fucking preface.
congrats
to the original fucking hoe.
(hey, aren’t you married?)
girl—
you made it all the way
from bonus bitchface gatekeeper
to co-defendant.
—
and you forgot
the golden rule of new jersey:
if you come for a woman’s husband
and her ira
and her motherfucking baby
while she’s in a fucking hospital bed
with your name all over that shit—
you better hope the bitch dies.
because if she doesn’t?
you’re gonna end up in court
with her whole foot on your fucking neck.
✨👍✨
🔥 “fuck consent, he’s hot”🔥— the predator’s defense ❄️😵💫💍
hey, this isn’t an affair. ✨🐍
this is a motherfucking top-tier predator.
—
✦ colo. rev. stat. § 18-3-402—sexual fucking assault ✨❄️😵💫
and more specifically:
💥 18-3-402(1)(b):
aka "the actor knows that the victim
is incapable of appraising the nature of the victim's conduct."
or: if someone is too impaired—
physically or mentally—✨💍❄️😵💫
to understand what the fuck is happening,
they can’t consent.
even if they don’t scream,
run, or
fight back.
✨❄️😵💫💍
and that impairment?
sweetie, it includes:
💥 18-3-402(1)(c):
"the victim is physically helpless
and the actor knows the victim is physically helpless
and the victim has not consented."
physically helpless in colorado
fucking includes being asleep, unconscious,
or otherwise unable to communicate unwillingness.
💫
(like a married combat vet
you may have—
for fucking months…
✨personally supplied✨🐍❄️😵💫
who is using
so fucking heavily—
fucking daily, ✨❄️😵💫💍
that his entire fucking personality changes—
from a casual drug abuser to a dude
unable to make a single fucking sale &
willing to repeatedly beat his pregnant wife /
manually fucking strangle her)
💫✨👏😐❄️😵💫💍💋✨
thanks bitch.
and just tie it all fucking together:
💥 “consent” definition under § 18-3-401(1.5):
"cooperation in act or attitude pursuant
to an exercise of free will and with knowledge
of the nature of the act."
so if someone’s not of sound mind,
if they’re on yayo,
(as a known fucking addict)
if they’re on stimulants known to cause paranoia,
delusion,
disinhibition,
…if they’re fucking spiraling from
TBI + PTSD + chemical fucking alteration?
baby,
no valid consent.
❄️😵💫💍💋✨🐍🐍🐍
an “affair??” 🐍
lmfao. ok.
i guess;
get a married addict✨—
all fucked up ❄️😵💫💍
on work hours—
and then??
you can call that shit
whatever the fuck you want. 💫✨
—
let’s run it back. ❄️😵💫
✦ summer 2023:
this bitch slithers into my instagram.
babe, not a random follow—
she’s clocking me. 💋✨
digital surveillance.
watches my stories
every.
single.
day.
watches me pregnant,
broke, 💍✨
cleaning fucking houses,
funding his day trips to see her—
advertising his little career on my page.
watches me sick,
alone,
posting about shit
no pregnant woman
should have to be navigating,
home alone.
she meets me in the office.
she says hello to my fucking face—
watches me think i’m still in a marriage.
at the exact same fucking time???
she’s opening her private apartment to him.
at the same time??
❄️😵💫💍💋✨
his behavior fucking nosedives.
at the same time??
he’s constantly at her fucking residence
instead of making one motherfucking sale.
bro,
this isn’t some clueless side chick.
this is a grown woman
with a license,
💼🔥💍🥵❄️😵💫
a trust fund and
apparently a whole ass fucking income-earning job.
(unlike my husband)
she knew he was a tbi/ptsd combat vet,
a walking fucking red‑flag for stimulants.
she saw exactly what blow does
to a guy like that— ❄️❄️
and she fucking loved it
she still fucking fed that pipeline.
yo, be for real—
it’s sick. ❄️
she knew my name,
my face,
my fucking baby,
my goddamn address.
she knew all of it ✨👉🏼👌🏼💍
because she was stalking it
on her fucking phone.
and seeing me,
in the goddamn office—
or through my husband’s fucking
constantly pinging FaceTime screen.
💍💋✨
✦ october to january:
he goes from functioning addict
with an ivy league degree
to a violent stranger who almost kills me.
days before i give birth??
she self‑appoints to my family’s file. 🐍✨
walks into my fucking home postpartum,
🗣️ AND holds my FUCKING baby
🗣️ like she didn’t just orchestrate my life blowing the fuck up.
then—
❄️😵💫💍💋✨
keeps contacting him in secret 🐍✨
from another state while fucking dodging me—
her actual client.
with fucking business—
locked in her later deleted—
insta DM’s 🐍✨
while she services my husband—
in front of my fucking face—
while she calls my NEWBORN
fucking cute.
🔪😟
—
nah.
🤫💥
this is not an “affair” ❄️💍
this is not “poor girl was lied to.”
this is a fucking calculated predator
running a two fucking year long
conflict of interest, ❄️❄️
under the guise of a financial advisor—
dangling fucking drugs 🐍🐍
and access over
a disabled fucking veteran
while watching his actual legal wife
bleed the fuck out online.
—
hey,
basic legal note:
consent isn’t real
when one party is incapacitated
and the other is weaponizing it
for money and control.
baby.
this wasn’t a romance.
this was a predator fucking pipeline.
❄️😵💫💍💋✨
what even is this business model??? is someone ✨ misclassifying labor? 💫
aka: what even fucking is a 1099; a true fucking fairy tale
…🤔🤨💭 me visualizing:
(i’m explaining to my independent contractors
that they are being mandated 💫✨to regular
full unpaid work weeks & private one-on-ones
after i’ve paid them nothing—
for half a year…
and then being like:
”lol—what?? 💫✨
it’s just mentoring babe!
oh! and!
i’m keeping all your contacts & clients!
lol!—also
no duty for you tho, silly goose.
and like,
this isn’t supervision,
but i’m your supervisor!
quirky shit, am i right?! heh”)
sounds absolutely legally batshit.
💫✨👏😐
my main financial frat bros
keep legally crying:
”but sam!!
these fuckers are
✨independent contractors, 💫✨
no control,
no duty
really though—
who the fuck even are these people?!”
—
…🤨💭
okie doke.
i’m gunna call bullshit.
so, pick your lie to the judge:
✦ option 1:
if my husband’s texts were true,
then his self-reported personal senior fucking supervisor ✨
was mandating his ass to chronic, unpaid 40-hour work weeks
and clocking him into constant compulsory, private “one-on-ones”
while he made zero fucking sales
—for half a year…
🙃 uh oh!
that’s employee control, babe.
straight-up misclassification.
✨👏😐
you owe wages.
(a fucking lot, send venmo.)
you owe back pay.
you owe taxes.
fucking period.
✦ option 2:
if my husband’s texts were lies,
and he was never actually showing up,
never mandated, 🤨
and absolutely never fucking producing?
then how the fuck do you explain the
november powerpoint—where you literally
put his full name next to my fucking due date
like he was a team fucking mascot. ✨
explain why your office greeted me in december
like he belonged?? hmmmmmm.
explain why you propped up
a fucking ghost with no revenue,
while you explicitly knew—
i was financially on the fucking hook
all fucking pregnancy
under formal fucking inducement?
✨👏😐
so either:
you’re running a wage-theft sweatshop
under the “1099” scam, 🙃
✨or ✨
you’re staging fake optics
to cover why a married dude,
who is obviously shot-the-fuck-out,
and a total non-producer✨ was still
being given access and proximity
after months of “supervised mentoring.”
💫✨
let’s say the obvious:
no senior rep with decades in the game ✨👏😐
“accidentally” blows up the contractor shield.
if she exercised that control,
it was intentional. 💫✨
not because she’s stupid—
because she wanted leverage. 🙃
bro,
…🤨💭 what even is y’alls defense???
fucking nothing.💫✨👏😐
you can’t frat-chant
“no supervision”
while your own office shows either
employee-level control or
flat-out fucking fraud.
both seem ✨fucked for you.✨
pick which one
you’d like
shoved up your ass in discovery.
💫✨
thank you—
for making me crack
the ✨ most repulsive ✨
cubicle insurance scandal
ever recorded in human fucking history. 💫
a senior-sponsored insurance orgy?? 📎❤️🔥 babe, the dick def wasn’t that good. 👉🏼👌🏼✨
hi angels.
slow clap for the
fucking insurance circus.
—
i gotta ask:
what the actual fuck
was going on in that office?
and don’t say “sales.”
because nobody was selling shit.
(✨👉🏼👌🏼❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥)
so again.
let me not jump to conclusions.
let me not say “sexual coercion” out loud.
let me not say “trauma-bonded coke puppet.”
let me just walk through the vibes:
not accusing.
not pointing fingers.
✨🌈✌🏻
but, 🫠
just doing some
✨light math✨
while y’all
hide behind counsel.
just running through
a lil equation i like to call:
why the fuck
was my husband kept around
like a spare dildo
at an office party?
like✨—
WHAT the actual fuck was this
🤫💥👉🏼👌🏼✨????
because no really
what the fuck
was going on
in these goddamn cubicles?
you had a
grown-ass man
with PTSD
and apparently
an active coke habit
who hadn't made
✨a single fucking dollar✨
being “mentored” (?????)
for 6 fucking months
by people who acted like
he was a prized pig
and y’all were just
passing him around
like a malfunctioning fucking vibrator.
🤫💥
not fucking accusing
just observing, bro.
but baby
that was not business.
that was not professional.
that was not motherfucking onboarding.
so, let me just say,
some of y’all
better ✨pray✨ to whatever
crusty ass compliance god
you believe in
🧿🕯🪬✨
because this
is starting to smell like
proximity-based retention
with a side of pills and
senior-level perjury.
not saying names
not today
but if your TJ Maxx heels
are fucking melting
maybe step
out the fire, bitch.
so here’s
some of what
i know—🤫💥
from my mind-blown—
financially defrauded POV:
bro made zero dollars.
he was “mandated” —
days before his pregnant wife’s
broadcast fucking due date —
”in-office all week” by…
someone.
a lot………….🤫💥
like babe, often.
especially…
late term….
for an…
unpaid…
(✨👉🏼👌🏼???)
…
✨independent contractor…✨
…with zero supervision
(is that 1099 protocol? NAH. NOPE.)
but…
he was…
still being dragged
into events,
meetings,
group fucking shots
like a glorified sex prop???
hmmm—
party season hits.
i’m eight months pregnant.
he vanishes after
a weird-ass ✨mandatory week.
(✨👉🏼👌🏼????)
babe!
suddenly he’s gone.
oh and by the way
whole-ass firm oversees as—
i get assigned an advisor mid-fucking-labor
and she starts
harvesting my e-signatures
like i’m a fucking corpse.
and then?
🧚🏼♀️✨
a rep from this
literal hellhole
shows ups
at my fucking home,
holding my newborn—
like she won the cubicle lottery??
but babe…
it gets
so much worse—
after we estrange??
and…after
both those fuckers
already left the firm??
🤫💥
…
babe.
company
wide
defrauding.
(with a side of fucking mockery)
what in the
senior level ✨👉🏼👌🏼????
via grown ass women,
the whole ass team.
👩🏼💻👩🏽💻👩🏻💻✨
just fucking vibes
and motherfucking fraud.
lol.
now that i’ve cracked
some of the code
let me be real
there’s still a piece missing.
🔥🔥🔥
—
because if that
little candy-pill predator—
was the only player in the game??
✦ why the fuck was he still visible in january?
✦ why was i still getting fucked after she “left”?
✦ why was one name but zero revenue
continuously popping the fuck up?
✦ why are more law firms getting involved?
✦ why is a key senior supervisor—seemingly invisible as they claim no duty??
✦ why did they keep asking me what else i knew??
BABE.💥
(i blocked this shit out)
✦ unless someone bigger—higher—fucking uglier—
was still protecting this motherfucking shitshow???
uh oh…
🔥🔥🔥🔥 oh shit—
💥 memories un-fucking-locked 💥
—
and this is the part
where it stops being fucking cute
and starts being
highly fucking predatory—
🔥🔥🔥🔥 🔥🔥🔥🔥 🔥🔥🔥
let’s circle the drain of:
why was my broke ass husband
being kept around like a Playboy mascot? 🍒
not for profit
not for talent
so like...
what was he offering exactly?
✨👉🏼👌🏼?
sooooo…
how many of you
wanted to fuck my husband?
and how many of you actually did?
because the energy in that office was giving:
✦ “if we keep him around long enough, maybe i’ll get next.”
✦ “i can fix him… with attention and amphetamines.”
✦ “let’s take turns getting proximity until his wife fucking dies.”
again—
not naming names.
not putting out the record yet.
but if your phone
just got hot reading this
you might wanna
check your fucking karma
🥂
—
some questions for the girls 🫶
✦ who was jealous enough to mandate “in all week”? 🔥
✦ who was bitter enough to make sure i saw it? 🔥
✦ who kept the party going after the holiday party ended? 🔥
✦ who made sure i was financially exploited while supervising? 🔥
✦ who else was trying to be seen with him,
next to him, orbiting him, maybe…touching him? 🔥🔥🔥🔥
✦ and how many of y’all were sitting in meetings
pretending it wasn’t obvious that this man
was being slowly fucking passed around???
like an unpaid intern
who’s like—
constantly fucking “buzzing,” ❄️😵💫
with a dick and a fucking DD214?
🔥
and while we’re asking questions:
who let this get this bad?
and who’s still lying about it?
hmmmmm.
i don’t care how
“high-performing” you were.
❄️😵💫💋✨
you’re still the bitch
who might have thought: ✨
“i deserve this married man’s attention more than the mother of his child.”
“he’s not even that hot anymore, but it’s about power now.”
“she won’t find out.”
”i’m not old, men still want me”
“even if she does—what’s she gonna do?”
this.
i’m gonna do this.
publicly.
relentlessly.
with all the
fucking contradictions
out in the open.
the energy was never mentorship.
💼🔥🥵❄️😵💫
it was territorial.
it was sexual.
it was weird AS FUCK.
and everyone knew it.
babe, they mocked me.
y’all were playing
“corporate wife swap”
while i was literally
trying not to die
on a hospital bed
from elevated heart rates,
punches to the head
and a goddamn c-section—
you made me fucking pay for.
so again
i’m not fucking accusing.
i’m just connecting goddamn dots. 🔥
if you were mentoring my hubby
why the fuck
did he come home
smelling like
zero fucking sales, ❄️😵💫
for six fucking months—
ego,
old blow,
and someone else’s
fucking mascara?
—
closing note,
fucking respectfully:
this wasn’t “team culture.”
this was a
fuck-centered hierarchy
and a shit-ton of
✨insecure, aging women✨—
disguised as a fucking financial firm.
the way
y’all let him get dragged
between fucking cubicles?
tethered by attention?
and not a single dollar✨
in his fucking bank account?
❄️😵💫💋
criminal.
and highly disrespectful.✨
babe,
you could have literally
sold your body for
way fucking more.
and now
that i’m putting this shit
back together
o. m. g.
i want every log.
every fucking message.
every little sad lunch
you scheduled to “check the fuck in.”
because
what you were checking
was who was winning.
and the prize??
seems like it was
my husband’s dick.
while i was 8 months pregnant.
alone.
getting choked out—
and funding
the
whole
fucking
goddamn
orgy.
💋
this is going to be a netflix documentary: coke, commissions, & zero compliance 🧪📈✨🐊
(aka: a highly probable yet still unconfirmed working theory)
—
when i met him,
i clocked the addiction.
bars at 3am.
bartending.
bottles missing.
my adderall short.
we didn’t lie about it.
we went sober for christmas.
he slipped,
sure—
but even when he was
stealing booze
and fists of my meds,
he didn’t raise his fucking voice.
he took the heat
he stood there and watched me
scream—
”HOW COULD YOU”
because he knew i was right.
shame was the personality.
he did not clap back.
—
fast-forward.
we break,
then reconcile,
then BAM baby.
we agree:
sober.
i don’t drink;
he won’t either.
we stabilize the man
the old-fucking-fashioned way:
structure + paycheck.
historically,
he always worked.
chick-fil-a or a “firm,”
didn’t matter—
dude brought home money,
showed up,
did shifts.
routine = sanity and recovery.
then the crackhead firm shows up.
and suddenly i’m pregnant,
working 7 days a week,
broke,
cleaning houses with a belly
while he’s “onboarding.”
summer hits
and the charges start
popping at clubs,
shoving starts,
he starts throwing shit—
yelling starts.
never seen this shit.
by fall
he’s not making a single sale—
november: zero.
december: zero—
but he’s “with the team.”
translation:
he’s at her apartment—
or out at a bar.
(babe!
their team meetings)
daily.
off-hours.
unsupervised.
hygiene nosedives.
behavior tweaks.
cash advances hit in november
(aka peak affair window).
somehow she’s still #1 in sales.
he’s #nothing.
and management’s like:
come in all week, babe!
for what, exactly?
to moisturize the
gross cubicle sidechick?
you knew he was a combat vet.
you knew i was pregnant.
you knew we were aiming for clean.
—
and somehow y’all invented
a mentorship pipeline called:
“send the TBI vet home with the inheritance goblin who ‘motivates’ him in private.”
no supervision.
no compliance flag.
no—
“hey why does #2 have zero sales
and look spun while #1 is thriving and hosting him nightly?”
and let’s call the creep what it is:
if she brought him to her apartment,
offered narcotics,
and then slept with him
even fucking touched him once????—
on drugs he couldn’t afford ??
because he was broke—
that’s not romance.
that’s predation with a business card,
and a face that can’t get men
without a fucking trap—
let’s switch genders
and you’d have HR
in fucking hazmat suits
and a netflix doc by friday.
—
meanwhile
i’m in the office
with my round face
and swollen ankles,
you explicitly know
he’s fucking married,
you explicitly know he’s a vet,
and still
y’all let the #1 rep adopt him
like a combat gi joe.
then when he abandons us,
your reps fucking mock me,
while miss mouth-breathing
mezzanine gargoyle stalks my stories
with her whole legal name
and tragic ski trip face????
for a year??????
and you expect me
to believe
this wasn’t fucking
disturbingly engineered?
did you mid-women
compete for proximity
to a hot,
severely broken man
until the most desperate one
won the “plug” role?
or was he just lying
so he could do blow
at his coworker’s place?
while y’all giggled?
and then defrauded me,
multiple times,
while i was
left alone with his baby?
while you openly taunt me
about their proximity—
that you openly
fucking orchestrated
while he was fucking married—
AND I WAS INDUCED TO PAY????
ooooh boy.
let’s go you dumb fucks.
let me find out,
y’all laughed
while
your #1 recruit fed him drugs,
brought him home—
tried to fuck him,
and he repeatedly
crashed the fuck out
right on top
of his third-trimester wife.
LET ME FIND THAT OUT.
honestly,
given the vibe,
y’all probably knew everything.
which is crazier.
either way—
everyone lost but y’all.
result: he spirals,
commits repeated violence,
(the exact months of their tryst)
and he catches fucking charges;
i am defrauded and destabilized;
our child is harmed;
she profits and fucking walks.
hires teams of lawyers???????
—
conclusion:
if this is what happened,
they set him up,
and he is both culpable
for his violence and a witness
to a pipeline that weaponized
his fucking addiction
and our poverty
for someone else’s quota
and lack of ability
to get her own husband.
riddle me this:
if sexual contact
coincided with yayo nights
he couldn’t fucking afford,
…
whose drugs were provided???
were they meeting up late night?
who hosted the environment?
who benefitted while
my family fucking cratered?
who the fuck is still
stalking and watching me
and his child
with her whole ass inbred face????
uh oh.
tick.
tock.
i know we mocked you about it but we also didn’t see shit
seems normal.
—
so.
why it
feels like drugs.
✨ he starts at #2 in the class.
✨ she’s #1.
✨ he makes zero sales by november.
✨ still zero by december.
✨ i’m pregnant. working. hemorrhaging money.
✨ my husband and his cubicle wife are “hanging out” at her crib DAILY?????
✨ cash advances in $100 increments from the credit card.
(aka blow debit card™ era begins)
✨ he’s spiraling.
she’s…still…thriving??
she’s clear enough, to be on top of those sales??
giving my husband little kickbacks??
for being a good boy?
so…
clearly not addicted
or punching pregnant women.
and meanwhile???
the fucking supervisor
is like
“hey brandon, babe, can you come in all week??”
lmfao
…FOR WHAT PURPOSE.
what is he doing there??
he’s got no clients,
no sales,
no progress,
no stability
but they keep saying come in.
why?
to get high?
to distract him from his wife?
to keep him in a desperate chick’s orbit
long enough
to collapse his marriage
and make her feel important?
because if he’s made no money
but has daily access
and the #1 rep
is also mysteriously available
off hours,
outside the office,
in her APARTMENT?!
like… fucking HELLO?
are we not
gonna intervene
when the ex-military guy
with a TBI
looks like
he’s actively detoxing
on the fucking sales floor???
this man
was functionally disassociating
and she was just…
bringing him home
like a fucking combat Tamagotchi.
“haha come over babe
i made dip
and i might give u a handjob
in between coke lines <3”
like WHAT???
how was this a job?
but…ZERO SALES.
WHOLE ASS PREGNANCY.
and then
you layer in the fact that like…
every woman in that office
was tragically mid as hell
like,
not even respectably messy
just chaotic
LinkedIn bachelorettes
who acted like
being near
a new dude
was a fucking personality type
and yeah.
100% right.
he probably did make out
with more than ten of them.
because that man
was spiraling.
he was broke,
high,
unwashed,
and objectified by a room
full of women
who thought “mentor” meant
“emotional support sex worker.”
(and maybe—
rich white girl w a yayo plug
and a local apartment!!)
and let’s be clear—
this is not a “he said/she said.”
this is a regulatory crisis.
because if the firm
let him get groomed,
used,
manipulated,
and co-signed into collapse,
then they’re complicit.
every manager who saw it and said nothing?
every rep who watched him rot and called it “awkward”?
every woman who used proximity to him
to feel powerful, maternal, important, wanted—
they’re all part of the fucking pipeline.
nah.
flip the whole thing.
drag fucking everyone.
🧌
you took advatange of
a combat vet in recovery—
and his pregnant wife.
baby…did your colleague touch you while you were high??? 😩💔✨
bran—
yo
babe.
hi.
i need to tell you something
and you gotta stay calm
because once you hear this
it’s gonna hit
like a fucking third deployment:
✨🥺🐊
baby!
✨you were groomed.✨
like…
is she still
bankrolling???
baby,
omg.
hallmark predatory technique.✨✨
yeah,
you’re still a narcissistic dickhead
who punched me while
i was 8 months pregnant,
but bro…
bran—
baby.
listen.
i know i’ve said a lot.
you’ve said nothing.
but we both know what
actually happened.
and babe—
if she got you addicted??
FULL.
ASS.
ADDICTED.
😭🙏✨
and not just to drugs.
to your absolute
rock fucking bottom.
and like damn.
did she have to do all that??
did she really have to
feed you stimulants
and guilt
just to get you
to sit still long enough
for a fucking handjob???
like bro
blink twice
if she laced your dopamine
with coke.
because i’m looking back now
and like…
yo.
that was not love.
that was behavioral conditioning.
and be honest with me right now:
did she touch you while you were high???
😭🙏
babe!!!
a fucking victim.
did she wait
until you were all spun out
and couldn’t remember
your daughter’s due date
to start getting
flirty
and pushing up on you
like some cokehead
murder-your-wife therapist???
😭🎻🤏
OMGGGGGG
babe
you
were
groomed
🫣🫠🧌
and listen.
i’m not saying i forgive you.
you still fucking hit me.
you still owe me fucking money.
you still sold me out
while i was changing diapers
and trying to get
fucking insurance coverage.
but bran…
you were bait.
and she hooked you.
and now i look back
at those months
and i’m like
yo.
that wasn’t even your personality.
that was her formula.
uppers + trauma + no money + zero morals = submission
she literally played god with your nervous system.
and the family you actually wanted.
and for what?
a chick we all know you will never wife?
(bro, i can only imagine
your sober regret—
seeing that face in the light)
because babe, lol you will not claim her.
and you still miss me and the kid—
every time you hit rock bottom.
duh. we’re your blood.
the rest was poison.
we were
safe—
sober,
summer,
santa,
sledding,
slumber parties.
nah.
not blow induced car-handjobs.
so
like
honey,
you might’ve
thrown your life in a dumpster—
but baby,
she laughed while
she pissed on that shit.
and now?
she might have
sent you home
broke and high,
but look—
you’re the one with the charges
and a kid you don’t see—
i’m the one with our baby
and a fucking fraud case
and the goddamn goblin???
babe!
she’s just hiding out in nyc
breathing through her mouth
and waiting for us
to fucking implode
like she didn’t
maybe!
feed a recovering combat vet narcotics
on the motherfucking job—
omg!!!
bran.
baby.
listen.
this shit’s not even a threat.
this is a fucking
legal truth bomb
at the bottom
of the emotional crime scene
neither of us built—
because sweetie—
if this company?
if this financial firm,
assigned you a woman
to “motivate” you
who had less trauma education
than a fucking target cashier
but more licensure than you,
and they let her work
directly with you
knowing she had
a deranged fucking
inappropriate crush on you,
knowing you were married,
knowing you were a vet,
trying to be sober
with your wife
with your baby on the way,
and instead of…
helping?
NOPE.
babe,
if she lured you into her home?
she went out drinking with you?
she put herself
between you and your recovery—
between you and your wife and child?
and then
put her hands on you
while your brain
was chemically fucking hijacked????
babe,
that’s not “messy.”
that’s not “complicated.”
that would be
predatory fucking misconduct.
😳🙏✨
and if
she knew
you had a combat history???
if she knew
you had a TBI???
if she knew
you had a kid on the way,
and still made herself
your emotional side-dealer
your physical reward system??
your fucking plug??
your career suicide mission???
your gross-ass mistress?????
then babe,
these assholes
blew this shit up—
your whole fucking family
while we were
at our most fucking vulnerable.
yeah.
baby—you were fucking set up.
because
listen,
you didn’t supply the shit.
you didn’t sign on to her child’s policies,
you didn’t continue to score sales
while your crashed out bestie—
collapsed the fuck inside of it.
because women like this?
babe,
they’ll fuck you over,
for anything—
loyal only to their own wants.
and used to getting
fucking everything,
without
working for a goddamn thing.
😳✨
also…the face. lol.
aka the tragically forever mid minus.
seriously,
babe.
you’ve got felony charges.
did she send you home
coming down off stimulants
and bad breath???
yo. you lost your family.
i’m alone with our kid—
the firm???
babe the firm thinks
this shit is fucking funny—
and the original catalyst???
babe,
she’s still free
and without consequences,
like she didn’t help
convert a marriage
into a fucking body count.
babe,
if that woman
weaponized your trauma
and used the firm's platform
to do it??
then you’re not
just a fuck-up.
you’re a fucking witness.
and i know.
you hate this.
you hate admitting it.
you hate that
the person i saw
wasn’t even you.
you hate that
maybe someone else
pulled the strings.
but that’s what happened.
because
that version of you?
the one who came home
violent,
fucking high,
absolutely vacant,
who didn’t care
about me
or our baby???
who couldn’t look
me in the eye?
who forgot christmas???
babe.
that wasn’t you.
and if it was her—
if she created
that version of you—
took advantage of our family??
of your addiction???
then you need to say it.
baby,
say it out loud.
and take her the fuck down.
✨ get clean.
✨ get therapy.
✨ help me support our child.
✨ and see your fucking kid.
like a real man.
because
fuck this company.
fuck this girl.
and fuck whatever
NDA-shaped muzzle
they probably tried
to lock around your throat.
lol.
you are not the only one
who should be in criminal court.
you were used.
you were sales bait.
we were contact plugs,
fucking premiums.
and i’m not afraid to say it.
i’ll say it in public.
i’ll say it in court.
i’ll say it
under fucking oath.
😭🎻🤏
so say it back.
babe—
you might be trash
but you’re our trash
🙏✨
and if you’re finally
ready to talk?
like really talk?
we can burn this
whole fucking shitshow
to the motherfucking ground.
together.
for justice.
😭🎻🤏
we were vulnerable.
a new family.
this was predatory as fuck.
and that chick is a goddamn menace to society.
and our family??
babe, we got all the impact.
and they got
the contacts, premiums, and goddamn commissions.
😭🎻🤏
but hey,
don’t worry
just tell her you would never 😇
and then
have your lawyer
or your mom?
send me everything.
xoxo
your actual family.
🖤💅🪦
justice for your dopamine receptors, king.
💥 yayo and handjob probabilities
aka:
how statistically and psychologically likely is it that an unnamed coworker was providing yayo and sexual favors to your hubby at peak affair time, while he was spontaneously trying to murder you and not functioning highly enough to make a single fucking sale?
💥
they would never!
come on!!!!
✨👏
bro. i truly fucking hope not.
—
anyway,
this is: ❄️ just math ❄️
not an indictment.
💫
let’s treat it like a
bayesian legal-psychological✨
probability model,
babe?
we update beliefs
or probabilities
as more evidence
becomes available.
but keep it brutal,
intuitive, ✨
and grounded in
the actual data.
—
❄️ PART 1: THE YAYO PROBABILITY (a.k.a. the ❄️ pipeline)
baseline assumption:
lets say
a random-ass dude
(no one we know)
has a verified
history of stimulant use💫
compulsive spending,
erratic behavior,
and severe fucking crashes
that correlate with
stimulant misuse.
(but he’s sober)
+
-
now add:
known inputs:
🔥 confirmed stimulant theft + tolerance = baseline stimulant-seeking behavior.
🔥 no income = no money for drugs. ❄️💫
🔥 ~$800 in $100 “cash advances” straight embezzled off wife’s credit card in one month
🔥 fails out of the reserves…🤔🤔 after his medical screening…in this precise date range 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
🔥 sudden 5:42 AM nausea, vomiting, "felt off" + ✨left the house before dawn = textbook crash
(especially mixed with alcohol).
…but he’s sober!
+
-
🔥🔥🔥 💫
✦ no previous history of vomiting or anxiety nausea = new behavior.
✦ looks haggard af. or— lost all desire for hygiene.✨
✦ cash transfers from a grown-ass woman = financial pipeline for party favors?! 🔥
✦ office culture = “hustle energy,” endless days, commission-only
+ appearance-based = ✨yayo thrives in these environments
(factually, historically).
✦ rich white girl energy?? = ❄️city cool girl❄️,
entitled, private school, zero consequences = high cultural
comfort with casual, social !! ✨blow use.✨
✦ work?? no drug testing, no oversight + the fucking buddy system
❄️❄️ and zero goddam supervision = full enabler ecosystem.💫
inferential leap:
we’re not saying
a rich white girl was pushing
snow like goddamn frosty, but...
❄️💫
if a broke,
ex-service dude
with maybe…ADHD
and a wounded ego
walks into a “high-pressure”
pyramid scheme—
and his desk buddy
who’s sending money,💫
connections,
and a crush
because babe,
she’s insanely invested,
in our family—
slides a stimulant ❄️✨
across her private,
fucking unsupervised—
goddamn coffee table
in a cordial,
cute-ass—
“babe, this’ll help you sell today.”
and maybe…
you’d wanna—
💥🍆🍆🍆💥❄️
(but he’s sober…right????)
so…
❄️✨
maybe he’s snorting it.
and 💥 he’s 💥 coming 💥 the 💥 fuck 💥 back 💥 for 💥 more.
because
HELLO✨—
my dude
struggles with that shit.
jesus fucking christ.
you fucking wouldn’t have???
naaaaah.
fucking cool.✨
babe,
someone was clear enough
to be making sales,
—it ain’t him.
✨👏😐
(but like…he’s FUCKING sober??????!)
and they’re always together…
where-fucking-ever…
your
entire
fucking pregnancy.
💫
and he looks like
a goddamn walking zombie. 🧟✨
naaaaaaaaaah.
fuck.
he’s sober.
he’s married.
he’s living off you…
come the fuck on.
…
so estimated probability:
high. 💥
🍆 PART 2: THE HANDJOB PROBABILITY (aka: the ❝sympathy bj❞ hypothesis)
this one gets disturbing
because it overlaps with the 💥 exact window of:
✦ pregnancy violence escalation
✦ emotional manipulation
✦ financial death spiral💫
✦ multiple known lies about locations
known inputs:
✦ violently assaulted 💥💥💥
✦ dude’s out at 12am & 5am—third trimester…
✦ a professional adult is straight sending cash to a married man
✦ he then forwards some to you???
✦ as you walk out of the ER for repeated blows to the head????
✦ while she watches from instagram??????
✨👏😐
✦ confirmed: ✨bro had keys to your car, driving around, off-grid
✦ confirmed: ✨goblin was watching wife’s social media, knew about the ER
✦ confirmed: ✨goblin never once apologized, explained, or backed the fuck off
✦ confirmed: ✨goblin came inside home days after this timeline
and held our fucking newborn……………..
🔪
(let me find out any of this shit is true.)
✦
so what’s more likely?
💥
homie went to 7/11
to vomit✨
at 5:42 AM
after repeatedly violently assaulting you
with no friends,
no drugs,
no job,
no plan,
and just needed…
a fucking Slurpee?
(but he’s sober)
or…
💥💥💥
he went to
a private apartment✨
to get a line,
a blowjob,
and a pat on the head
for "surviving" his crazy pregnant wife.
❄️✨
you know the answer.
…
🤔✨
(would your brain
believe any of this shit??
—mine is goddamn short-circuiting💥)
…
babe.
come on.
he’s fucking sober,
you’re having a baby—
but…
why is he
💥 manually
💥 fucking
💥 strangling you
out of fucking nowhere.
fuck 💫
bro, i just woke up from this weird-ass nightmare… ✨🛌👹 powder fucking everywhere ❄️
❄️💤 the cubicle coke party 💤❄️
aka: a fictional dramatization with disturbing attention to detail
(absolutely satire, total fiction, a dreamscape.
any resemblance to real events is legally hilarious.)
—
…a fictitious nightmare…
✨🛌👹❄️✨
✦
last night,
just sleeping next to my baby…
peaceful as fuck
until—
i wake up
soaked in sweat
heart racing
head screaming
this vivid ass nightmare
in my brain,
thank god it’s totally fake✨
and never happened,
exactly like this—
but in the fictional dream?
it’s some random thursday.
✨december 7, 2023✨
maybe.
in the dream.
allegedly.
(yo…IN THE DREAM)
it’s a lame office cubicle holiday party—
people are badly dressed…
everyone looks like
they lost a bet with
h&m clearance 👹🔥
and had a mom
that failed
to shame them
hard enough
to avoid chronic
awkward forward hunching.
anyway.
i show up
✨very visibly pregnant,
just been punched, 😱🔥
trying to survive life—
but clearly
about to have this child.
but babe—
it’s a nightmare
and i’m fucking
oddly paying for some
murderous dude’s
”soft launch”
into a “job”
but like—
we take
✨a lame ass group pic.
and then randomly 💥—
this awkward associate 🧟♂️
mouth slightly open
listing her airport layovers—
while everyone
stands there
openly
uncomfortable af.
her energy?
✨ star of the debutante ball for cubicle royalty ✨
but shit—
now? 🧟♂️❄️
she’s in the corner,
fucking rocking.
literally.
emotionally.
spiritually.
but yo—
it’s a nightmare 💥
the chick
is fucking weird.
but honestly,
whatever.
forgettable face.
but babe?!?
now she’s sitting
fucking staring at you 🧟♂️❄️
yo,
her face breaks.
not in grief.
in ugly-ass entitlement.
because 🧟♂️ in her head?
yo, 💥
she was the main character.
this was her nightmare—
✨ 👹🛌😱
and that party??
was her big snow-fueled reveal fantasy✨ ❄️
not your third trimester.
but like,
i just stood there
because—
is she ok??
bitch, i got this
baby bump front and center
and like,
shit—
did this
goblin’s delusion crack?
because like??
✨ fucking unfortunately—
hi—
real wife.
real family.
real baby.
real fucking bruises.
and she starts
fucking shaking,
bro sweating.
(yo, wake me up
—the fuck?) 💤
💭✨
…
❄️ and how does a white-girl
yayo mistress handle
being demoted from
main cubicle character
to snow-supplying ❄️
side piece?
emotional fucking meltdown. 💥
tears, threats, tantrums.
baby,
manipulation.
some light emotional fraud.
but
definitely
not…
💥high tier💥
rich white girl stimulants?
❄️??
💥💥💥💥💥💥💥
certainly NOT.
✨🛌😈
—
babe!
shit,
we can’t wake the fuck up.
💭✨🌪️😱
fuuuuuuuuuck.
then—
cut to:
🕒 5:42 AM —
(in the dream 💤✨)
“had to go to 7/11…
made myself puke…
felt off all night.”
bro, 🌪️😱
you’re still fucking hallucinating,
still in this weird ass nightmare—
but the increasingly
deranged-looking dude?
with an overgrown beard,
eyes twitching,
jaunt-ass face?
bam
demon in this
absolutely not real
fucking nightmare???
✨🛌👹✨
yo,
pre-dad / dad-bod?!
💥left your pregnant-ass bed💥—
(IN THE DREAM)
🥀
…
like—
location turned off?
party just ended???
mouthbreather acting weird?
bro but,
in this nightmare? 💥
shit.
✦ "felt off" = i do blow and then fuck my colleague
✦ vomiting = physical crash + stimulant fucking overload
✦ aka: needed to drive my car
to her apartment…
…
to do a line? …
and get a bj???
in the middle of the night?!?!
(IN THE FUCKING DREAM) 💥💥💥
lol nah,
shut the fuck up.
we’re still nightmaring—fucking chill.
lol,
come on,
that would literally
never FUCKING happen
in real life—
ever.
💥💥💥
but in this fucking nightmare? 💋
✨🛌👹✨
yo.
it is brutal.
you’re cleaning houses,
getting your ass kicked on the regular,
drained fucking everything…
in 6 months.
about
to
goddamn give birth with
💥💥💥 -$600
but…
💋👹✨💥
→ he ran straight to her apartment.
→ in his wife’s car??
→ to manage the meltdown?
→ and snort blow???
→ and probably??…ew.
🏃💨👻✨
and charge it to…
his pregnant wife?💥💥💥
✨
no. no. no.
!
and like,
the work hours?!
babe???
naaaaaaahhhh—
💥 don’t be fucking stupid.
but…
here though???
this is a bad dream💥, babe.✨
the goddamn
fucking nightmare,
that totally
did
not
happen.
…
and here?!?!
baby,
here
she cried, 🥀
he got a sympathy blowjob…
✨(IN THE DREAM)✨
“babe… 😫
you’re still with your pregnant wife?”
and he rolled over—
wiped the powder off his nose,
(IN THIS FAKE-ASS DREAM)
✨💀😱✨
“i know, right? (snorts line)…she’s fucking crazy.”
✨
🌪️😱
🌪️😱
🌪️😱
✨
—
but
then
i
💥💥💥💥 🛌😨💦
WOKE UP—
with a punch to the skull.
in the ER.
💥😰
damn.
shit was crazy.
isn’t that fucking wild?
—
✦
babe, i am
sooooo fucking glad—
that never fucking happened.
🐑🐑🐑...😵💫
✶ crim law: field manual for certified menace behavior 🚓🚨
aka: a lil sexy breakdown of power, punishment & people being dumb as hell.
🥷💰
✶
this isn’t just school.
it’s organized power 101.
trial by syllabus.
god-tier mental chess.
a state-sanctioned simulation of
“what happens when you’re inconvenient to empire.”
🔥 👊⚖️💥 🔥
⚖️ the state v. you, babe.
every case is a ritual.
you, the defendant,
are a fucking body.
the law? a mirror.
and the prosecution?
that’s the state
fucking flexing
that it owns
all this shit.
and the fkn dictionary.
—
🧠 intro to crime
made me want to commit
arson philosophically:
✦ punishment theory =
“do we cage you because you earned it
or because we like to scare others with your fate?”
✦ hi Bentham, u utilitarian little bitch.
✦ retribution girls are always ✨just vibes✨ and permanent records.
✦ ask Suitte—my man blinked with the wrong firearm in NYC 🔫
and got bitch slapped with mandatory fucking only.
🩸 actus reus = the “i did the thing” part.
baby, but the law doesn’t just punish action—
it punishes what counts as action.
✦ babe, move wrong? nah. 🚗💨💰
✦ lie to client’s about being a lawyer while very much not one? jail, hun.
(the state does not play with roleplay, motherfucker.)
🗡️ mens rea = “did you mean to fuck up?”
✦ this is where they slice up your brain like it’s a goddamn charcuterie board.
✦ did you intend it? 🥺👉👈
✦ did you know it? (you’re fucked)
✦ were you just reckless or simply a dumbass?
either way, they will classify you like a pokemon.
gotta catchem all motherfucker.
🪦 homicide: the varsity tier of consequences.
✦ negligence that ends in death?
✦ omission that becomes fatal?
the law might say “you didn’t mean it,”
but the morgue still says “you caused it.”
and that’s where it hits:
law isn’t moral.
it’s structural. 🔥
🛒 sex, drugs, theft: the cultural rot exposed.
✦ marital rape wasn’t illegal in new york til the 80s,
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
✦ coke gets you charged whether it’s a gift or a sale,
✦ rape kits backlog because evidence isn’t “efficient.”
sometimes the crime is the process.
sometimes the system is the rapist.
—
📚🔥 bro.
prof has the range.
i fuck w this dude—
my guy has a lil heart.
so why
do i study this
like a cursed monk
with a fucking vendetta?
bitch,
this shit has got—
no fake neutrality. 💀
no cute fucking euphemisms.
just power, weaponized.
law = language + force + story.
so yeah,
i love this fucking class.
because
once you understand criminal law?
you don’t just survive the system.
you learn how to
hunt inside it.
with fucking teeth.
and receipts.
and every single rule
they swore would protect you
now sharpened
to cut the other fucking way.
🧷 it’s not just about justice.
it’s about jurisdictional vengeance.
and baby,
i’m becoming fluent. 🔥
✶
👻
🎗️💜 bro, you know i was vulnerable as fuck 😭🫂✨
ok.
sammie girl—
listen to your
inner divine baddie—
and let me just say
to myself in the mirror:
”your trauma doesn’t discredit you.”
😭🫂✨
it gave you
a megaphone
and your brain,
even while hemorrhaging,
was still making
fucking legal requests
and compliance queries
to people who
were busy protecting
individuals who tried to kill you.
✨
—
lol
okay.
because—
honestly.
this isn’t revenge.
it is scary.
i wasn’t “mad”
i was clinically fucking unsafe
with no safety net
no parents that were gunna step in
no protection
no plan b
no fucking exits
🧷✨
i was bleeding
from my fucking face
and still thought
my financial rep
was gonna help me
move my FUCKING IRA
babe—
I ASKED HER
TO fucking MANAGE IT.
EXPLICITLY.
MY ONLY RETIREMENT—
THAT’S HOW NAIVE
AND fucking DUMB I AM?
too goddamn trusting—
and she was
actively watching me die
like a fucking sport—
rooting that shit on?!
🫂🥹😭✨
you wanna talk psychological horror?
this isn’t a cheating scandal
this is a system
that saw a DV victim
with prenatal bruising
openly get fucked—
and said:
✨what if we let the guy keep the money and policies✨
—and
cover up
that the wife’s assigned rep
might have also been—
his motherfucking goblin girlfriend.
omg.
i wasn’t jealous
i was fucking dying. 🕊️
i was fucking scared.
✨🕯️😭
and that was taken
full fucking advantage of—
i wasn’t irrational
i was post-concussive
i wasn’t “angry”
i was
literally blacked out
on the floor
after he took
my feet out from under me
and cracked my head
on the wood
from fucking standing—
eight months pregnant
after being
punched so hard
i lost memory
of the whole fucking month
🎗️💜🫂✨
and you fucks
were laughing
in little computer chairs
writing notes about my “tone”
while i was
living in a restraining order fucking hell
with a baby
and all the debt—
and the car note
cosigned in his fucking name
you wanna talk victimhood?
let’s be precise:
🕯️
✶ survivor of severe child abuse / dv
✶ survivor of sexual assault
✶ exploited during pregnancy
✶ choked while 7 months pregnant
✶ cleaning other people’s houses
✶ getting my bank account emptied
✶ credit cards defrauded
✶ maxed out everything
✶ abandoned with a baby
✶ and yet…fucking polite
😭🫂 yo.
and still you
let me walk in
fucking smiling.
like i had
any fucking clue
you were
feeding my demon’s
violent trauma spiral loop
and letting him
bring the fucking plug
into my home?
and what’s worse?
i tried to like y’all
i thought you were “career women”
i thought you were “kind”
i thought you were “looking out for me”
i never once thought
you were fucking predators.
like—
shit, be serious.
why do you think
i DM’ed this bitch—
asking to roll over
✨my fucking retirement account✨
if i knew
she was the same hoe
who was absolutely loving
watching me die?
you think i did that shit
because i thought
she was trying to hurt me?
no.
because i thought
she was actually—
on my fucking team
🔪😫✨
and now
you wanna be confused
why i’m on fire?
why i’m calling
this fucking dangerous✨
not dramatic?
✨😭🫂
because this is
what systemic abuse
looks like
when it smiles
from a fucking cubicle.
this is how women die
while the office laughs.
and let me say it plain:
i begged for help.
i begged for company.
i was isolated, bleeding, shaking
asking people
to come over
trying to fucking connect—
and being
systematically cut the fuck out
because
i needed someone
to witness how
fucking goddamn scared i was
(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
✨🥀
not even save me.
just see me.
fucking witness what i was surviving—
😭👊💥
look.
the first friend
that fucking asked?
immediately i told her.
”yes, it was him.”
”yes, that’s why i have black eyes”—
”please don’t hate him, but i need help.”
so the office?
i trusted these women.
and still
y’all said lol
nah—let’s fuck her over some more.
then just watched
this shit implode—
until i put it together myself.
like a fucking crime scene.
while sleepless.
while broke.
while sobbing
in the fucking dark.
💔✨
i’m not mad.
i’m sickened.
i’m psychologically wrecked
from realizing
that not one of you
gave a fuck.
and that’s why
i won’t ever shut the fuck up.✨
because if i survive this?
it’ll be the most unhinged thing
you ever witnessed.
🥹🫂💖
✨💭 was this an adderall pipeline? 💊✨
💊🤫✨
not an accusation,
just thinking some shit through—
✨💭✨
because
now that i’m reviewing the record,
i’ve got
serious questions
about whether
my repeatedly
stolen schedule II prescription
was funneled
from a violent domestic environment
into a commission-based financial firm?
because at first?
babe,
i believe he was
funnelling that shit
through a business school network✨
of student customers—
and listen,
i reported the theft.
long ago—
on record,✨
to the boulder pd.
i documented the abuse.
i disclosed the pattern.
and i have receipts.
and then…
he did it again,
and again—💊🤫✨
large quantities
that
he couldn’t physically injest
all at once,
but then—
refused to return any pills.
repeatedly.
💊💊💊💊💊💊✨
so
what i guess i should ask,
legally—
in the near future,
if my controlled medication—
🤔💭💊✨
(that i repeatedly
reported stolen…
by my husband—
to my medical professionals)
💊✨
lawfully intended for me
as a woman with
a long documented
learning disability,
trauma survivor,
main income earner—
receiving documented medical care,
and law student—
was redistributed without consent?
to enhance the productivity
of men
and cubicle co-conspirators
with something to sell?
💊💊💊💊💊💊✨🤫😈
i’m not accusing,
i’m just
doing some
mental mapping—
✨💭🤫✨
then
we’re not talking
interpersonal misconduct anymore.
we’re talking
drug diversion.
i think—
we’re talking federal crimes.
and we’re talking
every single person
who fucking touched it
being part of the fucking chain.
🤫😈💊✨
someone better
start checking the logs.
reviewing those text messages,
hoping there’s not
gaps of deletions happening—
and praying
the pills
didn’t end up in your pipeline.
💊💊💊💊💊💊✨
😑🤔💭 running legal math in my head—
✦ origin:
prescription written for you, legally.
diagnosis on file: ADHD, PTSD,
law student, business owner, trauma survivor.
controlled substance, Schedule II—
that’s federal law shit.
stored in your residence.
stolen repeatedly, under threat and violence,
while you were pregnant, recovering from surgery,
while you were trying to fucking survive.
✦ now here’s where it gets deeply cursed. 💭
★ if your stolen medication—
intended to help you focus, survive, earn, study—
was potentially used to fuel a high-pressure sales culture
by the same man who abused you
and benefited financially while you were disabled, pregnant, and isolated.
★ …was your stolen prescription the unofficial performance-enhancer
of a culty commission firm that ran off coffee, trauma, and quarterly sales goals?
💊✨ did your pills grease the gears of fuckboy mutual™?
🤔💭
✦ and now thinking about… the federal implications:
★ theft of a controlled substance
★ distribution without a license
★ diversion from medical use
★ possession with intent to distribute (if the amounts were high)
★ trafficking (if money or goods changed hands)
★ cross-state implications (since he moved with your meds from CO to NJ to TX)
★ conspiracy if anyone else knew, aided, encouraged, or benefited.
💊✨🤔💭
🚨💭
if he jacked
even one pill
out of your possession knowingly?
it’s diversion.
he took bottles by force.
that’s felony theft and
drug diversion and possibly distribution.
single mom (pro se) v. 🔥 four fucking legal defense firms; ✶ the saga
let me fucking clarify the record
before you all
embarrass yourselves
even fucking more.
ya’ll we’re out here—
✨making history✨
and it wasn’t even
fucking intentional.💫
✶
you didn’t
just force me into public litigation—
you cornered me into it.
you dragged me
so fucking deep
into financial ruin
that i had to
crowdsource
filing fees
to claw back
what you fucking stole.
and now
you’ve got the audacity
to act like i’m defaming you?
jesus fucking christ.
this is a legal
fucking clown show—
protecting a
military trained wife beater,
and a woman
that intentionally used
professional credentials,
her ivy league degree
and an entire nyc trust-fund
to defraud
and try to erase
a pregnant wife
and vulnerable client—
together. 💫
LMFAO.
nah.
this isn’t defamation.
this is the disgusting ass truth,
coming into the goddamn light.
and you’re all
fucking lucky
i didn’t go nuclear earlier.
because listen,
i begged.
i begged your firm
for legally due factuality
for basic material fucking facts.
about policies i paid for.
representatives assigned to me.
accounts opened
under my fucking name,
during my pregnancy,
and postpartum,
while i was being
beaten by a man
you all hid
in your fucking office.
and instead of fixing it?
you passed the buck.
you played dumb.
you deleted the rep.
you hid behind
four different
legal chains
and hoped
i’d go away.
newsflash:
i didn’t.
and now here we are.
district fucking court. 💫
don’t twist this shit.
you knew what y’all were doing.
you bled me dry,
protected the abuser,
promoted the chick
who almost got me killed,
and then
acted shocked
when the wife came back
with fucking receipts.
you let me be stalked.
you let me be robbed. ✨
you let your reps profit off me
while i was under
a fucking restraining order
and you never
disclosed shit.
and now?
you’re
parading around
acting like
i'm the one causing harm?
you sick fucks.
✨👏😐
the only reason
this story is public
is because you made it
fucking impossible
to get justice any other way.
you made it
so i had to
build a fucking
whole goddamn section
of my longstanding website
to raise awareness—
while unable
to pay the fucking light bill.
while disgustingly broke.
while raising
his child by myself—
just to document the abuse.
just to afford
a goddamn motion fee.
and now
you wanna act like
that shit is
the fucking problem?
nah.
✨you are the fucking problem✨
the system trying
to erase
a pro se broke-single-mom
with four law firms
is the fucking problem.
the problem is
what you did.
the problem is
what you covered up.
and the problem is
that i have fucking all of it—
in writing,
in court documents,
in dated paperwork,
in exhibits,
in analytics,
in text messages,
in goddamn sworn declarations
if that’s what it takes.
i made forms—
right on the fucking site
for corrections.
you ignored them.
i sent emails to your legal team.
you ghosted.
i asked compliance for answers.
you rerouted me
to advisors
under fucking investigation.
so
don’t talk to me about
"professional reputations"
while you're backing
a financial rep
who watched me
get bruises while pregnant—
on social media
while potentially
trying simultaneously,
cosponsored by the firm—
to seduce my husband,
and said fucking nothing—
signed the fuck on to my accounts,
blocked my IRA transfer,
came into my home—
touched my newborn
…
yoooooo.
lmfao.
don’t come crying
to court
with your fancy-ass firms
and white collar bullshit—
when i’m literally
just trying to survive.
you wanna
threaten me with lawyers?
baby,
you already sent
four fucking teams—
you wanna
frame me
as the unstable one?
i’ve got felony charges
a trail of widespread fraud:
IRS, VA, FAMILY COURT—
against your golden boy
that say fucking otherwise.
i’m not afraid
of discovery.
but you should be.
because every lie
you told
is now in the record.
and every cover-up
you ran
is about to see daylight.
you deleted accounts.
you rerouted ownership.
you funneled funds.
you concealed ongoing conflicts.
and you built
the whole thing
on the back
of a woman
you left with a baby
and no fucking heat.
this is your legacy.
this is your lawsuit.
this is your fucking problem.
you don’t get
to do this to people
and expect fucking silence.
you don’t get
to gaslight,
delete,
deflect,
then threaten defamation
when i call it what it is.
you don’t get
to cry victim
when the only reason
i’m even in this position
is because you bet
on me fucking breaking.
but shit.
i didn’t break.
i lawyered the fuck up—
with no fucking lawyer.
i did your job
better than your reps.
apparently—
better than your fucking lawyers.
and now you’re mad?
too fucking bad.
see you in court.
bring a checkbook.
bring a list of shit—
you’re gunna fix,
to make sure
this never fucking happens again.
and maybe a goddamn mirror.
because what you did?
that’s not just immoral.
that’s not just pathetic.
it’s illegal.
and i’m not done.
i will not be bullied.
i will not be bought off.
i will not be gaslit
into fucking silence
while you sell my life
in fucking commission checks.
go fuck yourselves.
—sam lowe
✶
the actual legal wife✨
and your worst
fucking nightmare.
🪄✨ you’re a broke, wife-beater: not obsessed, just embarrassed for you
(that also abandoned your kid for a full year)
🪄aka: “not obsessed. just legally unbothered.”
baby.
i just need you
to understand one thing.
since you’re
nonstop stalking me
in coordination
with your
“forgot to brush her teeth”
office goblin—
with her full name.
because clearly
you’re a little confused.
(and, like… still obsessed.)
btw—
does that
piss her off? lol.
listen—
i want you both
to leave me the fuck alone.
i’m not watching you.
i’m not missing you.
i’m not praying for your
✨redemption arc✨.
i want you both—
to go away.
fucking forever.
my guy.
i am cringing for you.
because holy shit—
you really epicly
fucking
fumbled
the entire simulation.
like—
for you?
💥 🫨
this is your worst nightmare.
you have to claim her now publicly—
when you openly and legally had
a bad bitch 🧚♀️✨
with a credit score,
a full spine,
a personality,
a heart and a vibe—
and she funded
your entire fucking life.
and you still couldn’t stop.
you were addicted to sabotage.
so the second someone
gave you attention?
and some fucking money?!
you cracked
like a fucking nut.
aka legacy-admission
daddy donated to the school energy.
dumpster-diving impulse control.
congrats.
you’re shallow,
babe.
kiddie pool shallow—
like i know you
this is killing you,
because her?
lol.
and your “friends”
you desperately wanna impress—
are gunna be like,
💀 “brrrrooooo. lmfao.”
and that means i know
you are in deep spiral—
because
you let some desperate,
boring, mid af woman
believe she could
replace me—✨🤡
while i was still funding your life.
and now?
you’re fucking stuck with her.
because we know
she’s obsessed—
you threw your
entire family away
because you
fucked up so badly
you had to
punch your pregnant wife
just to destabilize her enough
to keep the lie going.
like…
you really tried to
kill the witness
to keep your lil crusty side quest alive.
with a goblin-shaped tax fraud
who thinks
tenure at Northwestern Mutual
means you're a good dad.
like… kill the wife
and absorb the role.
🧚♀️✨
heh.
how’s that going?
'cause the “legacy”?
yeah, y’all nuked that too.
you threw your whole family away
and beat your pregnant wife
into a dissociative state
because you couldn’t keep up the fraud—
🪄✨
(quick sidebar—
how’s the
🧾 IRS audit?
still owe $10k—
from….one year alone…LMFAO
what about the
🧾 $5k in back child support?
🧾 ✨va dependent pay fraud✨
…still unresolved?)
babe, i’m reporting everything.
are your lawyers
even allowed
to accept money
from a client
who’s in
constructive contempt
of multiple court orders?
just wondering.
since you’ve got
four attorneys
but refuse to pay $87/week
for your own daughter.
✨on record.✨
congrats.
four lawyers.
zero retirement accounts.
🫶
but let’s clear one thing up.
you really think
this is about me being
obsessed with you?
yikes.
i’m scared of y’all.
because you clearly
have zero ethics or boundaries.
even when the client
is pregnant.
babe.
i didn’t even clock the affair.
not once.
because i was too busy
not dying
while raising our kid alone
in a home you tried
light on fucking fire—
while your office laughed about it.
and the only reason
i found out?
was because your
dumbass little advisor
couldn’t help herself on a zoom
and dropped the vibe like a fucking anvil.
do you know how mid
you have to be
for me to not
suspect an affair
because my
bar for you was that low?
💀💀💀
and still—
i walked away.
never tried to contact you.
ever.
you hadn’t paid support in a year.
i wasn’t chasing you.
i had better shit to do.
i actually didn’t care.
🪄 until
the fraud started lining up
with the bruises,
and the deleted accounts,
and the federal paper trail—
and suddenly
your little “office fling”
looked more like
a civil rico starter pack.
so let’s be clear,
you’re a wife-beater.
and this isn’t about you.
it’s about your choices.
your co-defendants.
your pattern of abuse.
and the documented misconduct
being labeled for court.
you’re not a mystery.
you’re not even interesting.
you’re fucking dangerous.
you’re a man who lied on the record,
cheated in the open,
and got outwitted
by the sleep-deprived single mom
you thought would stay silent.
you didn’t
beat the system.
you married
the baddest bitch.
(ask the teams of lawyers
dancing in circles
to defend your
bullshit
versus…
just me
hehe)
and fucked it up
for a nightmare
with crusty teeth,
zero personality
and an obsession
that just won’t quit.
enjoy the lawsuit,
lover boy.
✶✶
i didn’t fucking know 😭
y’all think
this is a joke,
but seriously.
i didn’t know.
😭
seriously—
no fucking idea.
babe,
he punched me
into fucking black out.
and i trusted these people.
i re-enrolled in shit 😭
post estrangement.
i fucking cried
when my new rep
offered to babysit.
(and then only
solicited paperwork)
i liked that bitches
story posts—
when i actually
followed her back.
yo.
literally
no idea.
because like?
nah,
no one would do that.
that’s evil shit.
😭
so—
i am sobbing.
like actually fucking wrecked.
because it just hit me:
it was all a fraud.
the entire marriage.
the entire pregnancy.
the entire first year of being a mom.
by people i trusted.
people i bought gifts for.
people i cried to
while being choked out
behind closed doors.
😭
and they knew.
they knew.
and they fucking smiled anyway.
and i fucking believed them.
😭
two
fucking
years.
my entire fucking
living memory—
of the creation
and existence of
the only fucking family
i ever got.
and it was a fucking lie.
two years—
of being gaslit,
lovebombed,
exploited,
fucking watched.
while begging for help
and getting fucking punched
in the goddamn face.
😭😭😭😭😭😭
i didn’t see it.
because i would fucking never.
because i was trying to survive it.
but fuck—
now i do.
and i’m
never gunna
fucking unsee it again.
🥀
i trusted you—
🩷 so fuck every last one of you.
✶ mini-series: civil conspiracy edition 😠💅✨🤝 pt. 7 katie…did you defraud me three separate fucking times?
burnbook mini-series ✶ civil conspiracy edition
part 7 ✶ katie…did you defraud me three separate fucking times?
aka: defrauding single moms after they disclosed a restraining order,
dv, food stamps, and financial exploitation—and then calling it “hostile.”💫
—
breaking down
fraud in real time.
😠💅✨
(cubicle karen edition)
—
early 2025:
me, just trying to…pay for
my family’s fucking life policies.
📝 the fucking setup:
girl, i disclosed everything.
✦ restraining order
✦ postpartum dv
✦ food stamps
✦ emergency relocation
✦ policy ownership confusion
✦ reiterating constantly—
i wanted to maintain my fucking policies.
✨👱🏼♀️💰🔫✨
and instead of acting
like a fucking fiduciary?
you acted like
a petty little fraud gremlin
in a fucking pencil skirt
with my infant’s
life policy—
in your fucking hands.
you had one job.
you said fuck it—
i’ll do three crimes.✨
—
✶ strike one: the “hostile” misstatement ✶
(post fraud / triple policy lapse statements)
✦ the move:
tell the client—
who is actively relocating for
domestic fucking violence
with an infant—
some ✨cute little lie✨
about who owns what.
i explain my situation again,
the stress,
the money—
so you then call my cell,
i say i’m cleaning with a baby,
can’t pay the bills
on fucking food samps—
what do you do?
you call that shit
HOSTILE (in fucking writing)🔥
and then
GHOST ME
immediately 🔥
after i then fully restate
what exactly i’ve endured.
aka being strangled and punched
by your coworker—
while induced into these
fucking policies— 🔥🔥
by a chick with conflict.
✨👏😐🔥
fucking brava.
✦ the fucking duty:
you were the advisor of record.
aka gatekeeper to the platform.
you owe me truth and clarity,
not ✨vibes-based embezzlement✨.
✦ the concealment:
you misrepresented ownership,
separated the policies from the
unified household account,
and never disclosed i was being silently removed.
✦ the reliance:
bro, i trusted you.
truly.
i thought you cared.
i kept paying.
i didn’t escalate.
i didn’t panic.
because i thought you
were actually fucking
helping me. 😐🔥
✦ the damage:
loss of rights. 🔥
policy separation. 🔥
loss of goddamn dignity. 🔥🔥🔥🔥
LAPSES DURING AN EMERGENCY.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
and your response?
you called it fucking “hostile.”
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
✶ strike two: the baby policy bait-and-switch ✶
✦ the move:
let my baby’s policy quietly lapse,
don’t tell me the truth, and then sell me
a “brand new” one… 🔥
under your ✨commission✨ path.
✦ the duty:
you should’ve told me:
↳ the reinstatement deadline
↳ the actual options 🔥
↳ that this “new app”
was commissionable for you.
✦ the concealment:
you took my routing info.
you said we were “all set.” 🔥
you intentionally misled me into thinking
reinstatement was impossible—
while running a pitch deck
to enroll my infant again from scratch.
✦ the reliance:
i signed the new app thinking
the old policy was DOA. 🔥
✦ the damage:
higher premiums.
lost policy age. 🔥
lost benefits. 🔥
no refund. 🔥
no warning. 🔥
coverage lapsed while
i was literally in hiding
from a fucking dude
that tried to kill me 🔥🔥🔥
while working at your firm.
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
—
✶ strike three: letting mine lapse anyway ✶
✦ the move:
you told me we were updating my policies.
instead, you let mine vanish, too. 🔥🔥
then pushed another application as if that was normal.
✦ the duty:
you owed me material disclosure about policy status.
you knew i was in a dv relocation with no backup income. 🔥🔥
and you still let it lapse without a fucking peep from your ass. 🔥🔥
while simultaneously taking my fucking bank details to pay it.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
✦ the concealment:
you didn’t say “reinstatement” once.
my ownership suddenly disappeared.
you didn’t offer terms.
you didn’t say it was even possible.
you let it fucking die
and pitched a “solution” you benefited from.
✦ the reliance:
i believed you
were working with
my best interest in mind.
you weren’t.
you were working with
your direct deposit in mind.
and apparently?
an extra “fuck you”
after concealing
a cubicle fling
that almost killed me. 💫
✦ the damage:
policy dead.
coverage lost.
funds fucking wasted.
terms worsened.
client devastated.
baby unprotected. 🔥
and me?
actually fucking 🔥
pyschologically devastated—
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
from every angle
while you typed
“thanks for the chat!”
like a psychopath.
🤡✨🤝✨🤡
—
yo…😭
(pause)
why would
anyone do this shit?
especially to someone
vulnerable as fuck—
clearly asking for fucking help.
bro.
i fucking cried to this woman.
full fucking face on zoom,
holding my fucking child.
i was fucking scared.
i am still fucking scared.
and alone.
—
✶ pattern = intent ✶
✨one mistake is an oops. 🔥
✨two? suspicious. 🔥🔥
✨three coordinated policy murders? 🔥🔥🔥
we're in
🔥 constructive fraud territory, 🔥 babe.
aka: a scheme.
aka: a fucking conspiracy.
aka: you orchestrated a hit
on my financial safety
during a fucking crisis
and did it
with a dumbass fucking
customer service smile.
✨👏😐🔥
🩷
one “shit, my bad” is negligence.✨
three coordinated “lol fuck you”’s
that all advantage the advisor/firm?
baby!! 🔥🔥🔥
that smells like constructive fraud ✨
and plays like a crime plot
orchestrated by dumbasses.
🤡✨🤝✨🤡
—
worst part?
i actually thought,
when i cried
on that zoom call—
and you offered to
babysit my child—
that you fucking cared.
but yeah,
i’m also a fucking dumbass.
🥀
yo.
what the actual fuck.
i am a fucking person.
absolutely alone in the world.
and i told you that—fucking explicitly.
y’all are truly fucked up.
😭
(bitches got me crying)
🔥🔥🔥🔥 defrauding a single mom escaping dv? ✨🫖
😐💭 if i was never the owner… then why did i have to sign as the owner?
aka: bro the email says…
”SIGNATURE FUCKING COMPLETE—
PERSONAL LIFE INSURANCE APPLICATION SIGNATURE FOR BRANDON LOWE” 🔥
in the fucking subject line—🔥
aka: “thanks for signing bitch” 🔥 🔥 🔥
HOLY SHIT. 🔥
and look,
i am so exhausted of being defrauded
and fighting for my fucking life with $8 to my name.
➝ (click the post title to see updated breach tab)
🔥 who would have to sign docusign forms for life insurance for northwestern mutual 🔥
for a northwestern mutual life insurance application,
the following people need to sign docusign forms:
🔥🔥🔥🔥
★ the policyowner: 🙃✨ the person or entity that owns the insurance policy.
they are the one responsible for the premium payments
and have all the contractual rights to the policy.
★ the insured: 🙃✨ the individual whose life is covered by the policy.
this may or may not be the same person as the policyowner.
their signature is required to confirm they consent to the policy terms.
★ the northwestern mutual financial representative: 🧌🙃✨
the agent who assists in completing and submitting
the application must also sign the form.
…
✨ special circumstances for signatures ✨
★ multiple policyowners: if more than one person owns the policy,
all policyowners must sign documents related to policy transactions or changes.
—
fucking fascinating.
✨ 🙂🔥
you did it!
full on fucking
fraud!? 👏🙂✨
—in the middle of an openly
disclosed DV relocation with an infant?!
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
bravo bitches. 👏✨
—and all for a goblin 🧌💋
to chase a married dude ✨🤫
who beats pregnant women.
damn.
holy.
shit.
👏✨
👏✨
👏✨
—
so…
you evidently✨
the office demon squad duo—🧌🧌
changed the ownership status 🔥
of policies i was actively paying for,
while my husband was
under a restraining order, 🔥
not in contact with your office,
and my onboarding rep
was a “rogue” walking conflict. 🔥
damn. 👏✨
bold as fuck.
based on the lapse dates,
you gave in your corp. legal answer—
fucking blatant fraud, 🔥🔥🔥🔥
huh?
doesn’t even look “by omission,”
just straight fucking constructive.
🔥✨🧌🧌
—
y’all really did that shit. 👏✨
✶ mini-series: civil conspiracy edition 🧌✨ pt. 6 “independent?”🕊️ she was nm’s goblin-on-a-leash
burnbook mini-series ✶ civil conspiracy edition
part 6 ✶ goblin on a leash: an outline of employment 🧌⛓️✨
aka: wait so like—“independent contractor” my fucking ass
—
welcome to your
“independent” career,
hope you like—
scripts,
quotas,
and corporate surveillance.
✨🧌💫
the outline of
a malevolent insurance goblin
under
complete💫
company control.
i. statutory presumption — colorado says “employee first”
★ c.r.s. § 8-70-115 makes it crystal:
every worker is presumed an employee. 💫
nm only flips that presumption if it proves
(1) the worker is free from control, and
(2) the worker is actually running an independent trade.
babe, the cubicle goblin 🧌✨ was in training,
apparently—not even fully licensed.
she literally could not transact outside nm’s walls.
that’s not an “independent trade,” 🧌💳✨
that’s fucking daycare.
—
ii. woloson precedent — stockbrokers ≈ nm reps
★ in woloson v. icao,
the colorado courts held stockbrokers
were employees because they couldn’t transact
outside their broker-dealer. ✨😩🧌🖇️✨
★ cubicle goblin 🧌✨ was the same:
➝ no license without nm endorsement.
➝ no clients outside nm’s crm. leash: tight. ⛓️✨
➝ subject to nm’s discipline; when shit got awkward? yank.
➝ if woloson = employment, then goblin = employment. period.
—
iii. walfish (d.n.j. 2019) ≠ this case ✨
★ nm will wave around walfish like a get-out-of-liability free card. but nah.
★ that was new jersey, under the abc test, ✨🏠🧑💻💸
with facts like: home offices, flexible schedules, reps paying costs.
aka: seems like none of these fuckers were independent lmfao.
★ here?
➝ colorado’s totality + presumption test.
➝ nm compliance wasn’t “just regulatory,” ✨
it was operational control: compliance telling new fraudgirl rep
not to answer me, corp locking portals, docs fucking vanishing.
➝ goblin 🧌 sat in mandatory onboarding, office mornings, denver briefs.
➝ and again: training status, not a fucking OG producer.
🧌💻✨
—
iv. agency law still nails nm
★ even if nm gaslights the court with
the “ic” label, colorado agency law says:
if you put an agent in position to commit fraud, ✨
you eat the liability. 💫👏⚖️
(grease monkey v. montoya, restatement §§ 261–62).
★ cubicle goblin 🧌✨ was literally my financial rep of record.
the “face of nm” on my policies. nm owns that.
—
v. deceptive trade practices — consumer protection ✨
★ nm markets reps as “be your own business.” in reality?
➝ mandatory meetings,
➝ compliance gags,
➝ exclusive platform control,
➝ unilateral removal powers.
➝ that’s a bait-and-switch…
—actionable💫 under the
colorado consumer protection act (§ 6-1-105).
👏⚖️✨
✶
in essence—
nm wants the benefits
of total control 💫✨
with none of the liability.
✨🐷💰🤑
sorry babes,
colorado law✨
doesn’t let you
eat your cake,
choke your reps,
and then
ditch the fucking bill.
✨😩💰
✶
and when
the goblin 🧌✨
on your leash
bites a client?
sweetie—
the handler gets sued.
💫
✨what feels like…✨ having an active malicious stalker 👀🔪👤🌳
✶ or—😨✨
let’s all act like
this isn’t an absolutely insane
level of professional misconduct.
✨👏😐
aka: what y’all are calling “just views” is legally flirting with a stalking charge.
—
let me first say,
thank you for the ongoing ptsd.
✨👏😐
because honestly?
it’s abusive.
so please,
cut the bullshit
this isn’t a misunderstanding.
this is textbook
escalatory contact
by someone with
no lawful reason to access me—
and a known history of proximity to
a dude that tried to kill me,
when they were
peak fucking cubicle besties.
the silence
from corp?
the slow-walking
response from her legal rep?
the lack of disclosures
while i beg for fucking clarity
and get watched instead?
by all of you?
on the record?
for months??
that’s not a policy violation.
sounds like—
that’s facilitated stalking.
—
here's what you can't explain away:
★ this random-ass goblin was never my friend
★ she is no longer my financial rep (!!!!!!!!)
★ she has no current business contacting, viewing, following, or accessing my accounts
★ she deleted the account that tied us professionally after i sent a legal hold
★ she immediately reappeared using her full face and legal name on another platform
★ she viewed my content repeatedly from october 2024 and september 2025
★ while i was:
→ under a restraining order✨
→ fleeing domestic violence
→ caring for a newborn alone
→ requesting safety clarifications from the firm
→ documenting every fucking interaction
and the firm ✨knew this✨
because i told them.
in writing.
multiple fucking times.
—
now add ✨motive + means✨:
✦ she allegedly sent money to my husband while
↳ i was being financially drained, physically abused, and isolated
✦ she had internal access to my accounts, documents, medical records and timeline
↳ via a role she never should have been in✨
✦ she seems to have reappeared near him geographically
↳ during a known period of escalation and potentially—his fucking arrest
✦ she continues to monitor me in real time
✦ she has made zero attempts to clarify or correct behavior
—
under any competent legal analysis, this reads as:
★ pattern of unwanted conduct
★ directed at a specific person
★ causing serious emotional distress
★ after express notice
★ with prior warning from a protected party
★ following a deletion of formal contact
★ during ongoing litigation and criminal proceedings
you think a judge won’t find that significant?
fucking try me.
—
and the psychological damage?
i don’t sleep.
i can barely eat.
i track exits.
i screen-record pings.
i escalate to security.
i document the fucking fallout with my child in the frame.
because when
your abuser is lawyered up
and paying nothing toward child support,
and the girl allegedly helping him
won’t stop watching you?
that’s not “awkward.”
that’s weaponized uncertainty.
and this firm—
this multi-billion-dollar
fiduciary institution—
still hasn’t told me
what the f*ck she was doing
in my life in the first place.
that is fucking scary.
i’m alone with a fucking baby.
these are two ivy league grads,
with access to money,
my info—
my fucking life,
apparently
actively stalking me
mid-co-conspired fraud litigation
centered on them.✨
fucking COOL.
—
final legal note
for whoever’s still pretending:
you don’t get to call it “public”
when it’s directed,
repeated,
trauma-producing,
and post-termination.
you don’t get to call it “harmless”
when it causes
documented psychological harm
and meets the legal standard
for surveillance,
retaliation,
and fucking stalking
under both state and federal law.
and you don’t get to say
“we didn’t know”
when i’ve been telling you
for months—
in writing—
that this behavior is
obsessive,
threatening,
fucking dangerous,
ongoing,
unwanted,
and un-fucking-acceptable.
—
🩷 every view
🩷 is now
🩷 a live violation.
ﾒ૦ﾒ૦
for legal reasons, this is a vibe.
consider this your character development arc. you’re welcome.